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What was almost the greatest love story


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DISCLAIMER: This post is a doozy but i think you guys will find it entertaining. Its a great love story that i actually got to live. I think telling it will allow me to get over the heartbreak. Most of you will berate me for attempting to believe in this (and thats ok) but i am an ambitious guy. I believe in miracles. I believe in fate/destiny. And even after this crushing blow life has dealt, my beliefs remain towering. Stronger still.

 

It all started when i came to a certain church. Me and this girl were in the dance ministry there. I loved dance and so did she. In fact, i was the only breakdancer/bboy on the team. The dance team suffered from poor leadership and no one really knew what to do. In walks this girl. We have a few conversations about what we thought needed to change and how to change it. We saw each others' heart for our passion. It was cool to see that in one another. The dance team, however, eventually disbanded.

 

A season or two passed and me and this girl (lets call her Maria) happened to be at the same lock-in at our church. Maria was always happy but tonight something was obviously getting to her. She sat out the entire night. I approached my friend Maria and asked what was bothering her. She told me that her boyfriend was giving her a difficult time. I inquired further. She was vague in her responses but opened up more as we talked. I told Maria she didnt need to be down. I tried cheering her up by allowing her to "invent" a dance move and then i would do it. It wasnt the most effective tactic but she did eventually get out of her slump that night. I was very glad to have been able to help her.

 

I went off to my freshman year in college. During that time i met a lot of people and was looking left and right for the right girl for me. A lot of girls at school approached me first, which i thought made them look rather...thirsty. I preferred to be the brave one and pursue the girl. It was just my style. I wanted a girl who had the same values as i did, at least. I did not require she be a "10" or anything of the sort. I just wanted a girl who would love me and stick by my side no matter what. I actually didnt acquire one girl's number while i was there that year. I did talk to Maria through facebook a couple of times. We talked about our passion not only for dance, but for good leadership. One day i was down and Maria told me how awesome i was and how she thought i was a great leader. I never forgot that conversation even though there was no voice communication. I wasnt in love, but i knew there was something very special about Maria.

 

I transferred to a college closer to home and no longer had to live in a dorm. This was nice because i was able to start attending church again. Maria was still there. We didnt talk much when i returned because i was hanging with a completely different crowd back then. I was able to go to church but i didnt. I soon realized that the "friends i had were no friends at all. At the same time, the dance team started back up with a new leader. Maria and i both signed up, of course. She and i were just friends back then. But one day a girl asked me a question and put her arm around my shoulder. Maria happened to turn around just in time to see. She had a strange look on her face and turned around quickly. Now of course this piqued my interest. I thought "Why did Maria, look at me like that?". Maria had a different demeanor altogether for the rest of that day. She didnt look at me at all.

 

Time went by. The leader of the dance team made promise after promise and never once delivered. Maria and i reconnected again in an attempt to save the team and cause we were so passionate about. We were talking a lot more now. And the more we talked the closer we became. Eventually i began to have feelings for Maria. She and i would talk more about different things, some having nothing to do with dance like our outlook on life in general. She appeared strong. Maria had attitude yet she was humble. I loved it. I knew that Maria wasnt perfect but i knew that I was willing to be with her. We liked talking to each other and kept a lot of things strictly between us.

 

Maria's parents also went to church. Her mom was a lead singer and her dad played the drums. They are a tight family. Talented too. Her mom was a strong woman. Her mom was passionate about God too. Being a Christian myself, I thought this was awesome. It blew my mind. They were a Christian family, yet they were not utterly dull and boring. It was almost paradoxical.

 

I got to know Maria's mom quite well and saw traits that she and her daughter shared. It made me love Maria more. Soon i was completely head over heels for Maria. Then her mom told me Maria's age. It crushed me. Maria was in high school! She was 5 years younger than me!

 

(Maria and I had been around each other for so long that it never even occurred to me to ask her age. She was so mature that she just "felt" on my level)

 

I was so frustrated at the situation. I felt i had finally met the right girl for me and my dreams of being with Maria had been crushed. I was very angry at how this had turned out. I wanted to be with Maria so very badly.

 

During this time, there came a new youth pastor to take over the youth ministry. He wanted me to be on the leadership team. I agreed and after he went around the church recruiting leaders we all got together for one big staff meeting. In the meeting he stated that as male leaders we were not to communicate regularly with female students. These rules were in place for obvious reasons and i knew that. But in the back of my mind i thought the entire time of Maria. I didnt know what to do.

 

I decided to stick to the rules. I didnt tell Maria. I just talked to her less and less. I thought to myself "Why do i like her she is too young!" I was driving myself crazy. I thought the best way to get Maria out of my mind was to date other girls my age. I searched and searched and found none i would like to date. So i changed my strategy. I decided to go out with girls and THEN i would determine whether or not i could be with them long-term based off of their life goals, dreams, and passions. Time after time i met lifeless girls who didnt dare dream and who seemed most passionate about their ex-boyfriends whom they had their babies by. (Yes, a surprising number of the girls i talked to had children by their ex bfs) My spirit was crushed because these girls all lived as if their best years had long since passed. I spent many nights ashamed of myself because i was in love with a girl in high school, who was 5 years younger than me.

 

Eventually, summer came and Maria and I were at church functions together a lot more again. I never told her how i felt about her but i wanted to so badly. I just couldnt though. It was against the rules. So i held it in. The summer went by and Maria began to notice that i was acting funny so it made her think something was wrong. This made Maria want to talk more, i think. I even tried being a jerk to her so she would leave me alone but nothing worked. And i still talked to her mom from time to time so it made her curious. I decided to avoid Maria entirely. I started talking to other girls at random to get my mind off of her. But i would just feel guilty getting these girls numbers knowing i was not even remotely interested in them.

 

One day I was walking down the hall and Maria ran in front of me from behind, intercepting my path like a fighter jet. She asked where i had been and was worried about me. I couldnt even look her in the eyes. I just changed directions several times but Maria persisted, cutting me off each time. I told her i had a headache and that i was sick. While we were talking, the youth pastor's wife pulled a camera out and took a picture of us. I remember thinking that i couldnt wait to see that picture. Maria's concern for me caused me to fall back in love with her. But i avoided her still. I put in a lot of work toward avoiding Maria. But then one Sunday morning i was at church very early and did not know she was there. I turned the corner to go upstairs and there she was. She was wearing the most beautiful multi-colored dress. Her smile was gorgeous. She asked if i had seen her brother. I told her i hadnt and unfroze myself. After seeing her that morning I knew that i would tell her soon. But i tried to remain strong.

 

Later that month Maria told me how she thought church could be boring sometimes. I agreed. I remember saying something about how old people couldnt handle the excitement that keeps young people interested and involved. She laughed. She asked where i had been again...She was always wondering where i was. She told me she missed me. And thats when i snapped. I told Maria how i felt about her. I told her I was in love with her and that i loved who she was and who i saw her becoming. She kept her cool at the time but i found out later that she had been texting a close friend what i was saying and that the friend she was texting was saying things to keep her calm. I cant tell you how good it felt to get that off of my chest. I dont regret it.

 

I began to feel like i had betrayed the trust of Maria's mother so i told her mom that i needed to speak with her. Her mom agreed to talk at some point but things kept coming up. Then her mom just called and asked me to tell her. After 19 minutes on the phone (most of which was me stuttering)

I said...

 

me: "I...told your daughter that i have feelings for her...I love your daughter"

 

Maria's mom: "Oh i already knew that. Is that what you wanted to tell me?"

 

My jaw dropped. Maria's mom knew for a while that i liked her daughter. I didnt know what to say. We talked for a while longer and then said goodbye.

 

I was afraid now because i knew i had violated a rule. I was prepared to be kicked off of the leadership team. I didnt plan to make any excuses. I just wanted to accept my punishment and be done with it. I then told the youth pastor that i had to tell him something and wanted to meet him somewhere. At that time he called me. Just like Maria's mom did. I told him that i had feelings for a student and that i had told her i had feelings for her. His response?

 

Youth pastor: So? Is that all? dont be alone with her. At least wait until she's a senior. (which is later this year)

 

I dont know if you guys are familiar with the church scene but there have been some situations where an older person in a church likes a younger one and then the church gets put all over the news. I thought for sure that because of everything that goes on nowadays that the youth pastor was going to dismiss me and freak out. He did neither. I still dismissed myself from the team because i felt a very unnecessary guilt.

 

The mom called me back. She told me how she thought it was very respectful how I told everyone that needed to know to keep it from looking like i was trying something underhanded. Her mom said she felt like she could trust me. I felt relieved but i wasnt sure why. Maria called later that day and we talked. It was a Tuesday night. I told her that i wasnt sure what to make of the situation and that i wanted to wait for her and hopefully date her when she "came of age" or whatever you call it. I knew from spending so much time around Maria that she would be worth the wait. I also knew that if it didnt work out how i planned it was in for a little hurt.

 

Maria finally told me that she believed everything i had told her and that she was feeling the same way. Maria's mom supported her decision. I suppose i was naive. Maria was 16 at this time.

 

I wanted to do things the right way. Plus, i knew i was going to have to approach her father about this at some point anyway. Her mom told me that it would have to be soon. So i did it the very next time i saw him at church. We had a long talk. He asked many questions and shared his concerns. I had no clue what any of it meant. I told him that i knew that i loved his daughter. That is a weird thing to tell someone. (It was my first time doing this.) He said we should pray about it and see where it goes. I didnt know what that meant either.

 

The next day Maria's mom called. She was excited. Apparently her dad trusted me and so Maria and i started to talk more. Soon Maria and i were head over heels in love. It was the first time i had been in love. She had a guy break her heart bad once before. (the one from that lock-in that night) So we were both relatively new to the true love thing. I actually saw this as an advantage at the time. Because it meant neither of us was used to breaking up with someone or knew what it was like. Maybe it was an advantage. Maybe it was a disadvantage.

 

Maria and I went on talking for about 2 months before we defined our relationship. We said that we wanted to be together. We believed it. Of course with new love, everything is great. I loved her and made time to tell her often. We wouldnt interact much at church anymore because we didnt want to arouse suspicion. We knew that a lot of people would think we were trying to have sex but we had made it clear to each other that that was for waay later. To us, sex is for marriage. And to me, I didnt want to do 15-20 years in the prison. Did i mention that i happened to be a correctional officer? Im not kidding at all. So to go to jail for statutory rape was simply out of the question for me. I couldnt do that to her, her family, or myself. 20 years is a long time.

 

Maria and i had what we thought was the greatest relationship ever. Everything seemed to have fallen in place. I got to meet her extended family for Thanksgiving. They were all very welcoming and accepting of our relationship. I dont think there was a person under that roof that day that thought we wouldnt make it.

 

Soon after Thanksgiving, problems started to emerge. It pains me to say this but they were mostly due to my insecurity. If you have ever seen the movie "Good Will Hunting" its pretty much the story of my life. My dad left before i was born. My mother despised me. She would yell at me until i ran away. She would tell me to kill myself and that she wished she could kill me and get away with it. This affects me even today, im afraid. My mother would tell all the family about what a terrible child i was. This made me infamous with many relatives who had not ever even met me. My mom always told me how there were men in our family who would love to beat me. That was my impression of all these people i hadnt met. I was a problem child throughout high school. I got arrested several times. I assaulted officers. (Which makes it ironic that i was a correctional officer) I did everything but drink and smoke. To be honest i attribute the fact that i preserved my virginity halfway to the fact that i was so full of hate as a child. I had no time to fall in love. Maria, who was now my girlfriend, had such a tight-knit family that i literally came to only think "when will they betray me?" I would almost cry when i thought of a wedding. How only her family would be there. It seemed as if her life was perfect (of course i was well aware that it wasnt).

 

College was becoming hard to get through with bills piling up and medical debts to pay off. I had no one helping me and it became so stressful that i couldnt focus on the schoolwork itself. I dropped out. Which made me more insecure because she was catching up to me fast. At the same time i saw it as something great because perhaps i could catch my life up, and then we could have attended college together. Who knows?

 

My insecurities caused me to try to leave her before she left me (three times). I told her we could just be friends. It crushed her. I tried to reason that i did the right thing. I told myself things like "every young couple eventually breaks up. They never get married." and "she is too young. we will never make it. she will find someone else" I told myself whatever i could to make myself feel better. She would always be the one to convince me that it was worth sticking out. Of course she didnt know i had a deeper issue.

 

When we last broke up, it was her that finalized it. And when i asked for her back, she declined. I finally felt that pain she had felt all the other times. Her mom saw her crying and began to worry. Maria's mom insisted we stopped talking. She told me that she wished she had never let us talk. That made my heart sink. I wanted to do whatever it took to get Maria back but i couldnt now. I decided that i had to make myself move on. I felt Maria didnt care anymore. Weeks went by. I planned a trip to New York (I drove 24 straight hours, only stopping for gas) to take my mind off of things. Maria called me while i was there and asked where i was. When i told her where i was she said she wanted to talk. After hearing her mom say what she had said, i didnt think there was a chance to get back together so i declined. After a few days in New York, she called and told me that she wanted to see if there was anything left to salvage from our past relationship! I still loved her so i decided that i would not finish the event i was at so that i could drive back and surprise her at church. That meant the world to her. We got back together that night and spent some much needed time together, because we could not see each other as often as we liked because of our unique situation.

 

 

Maria and i were back in love, full steam ahead! We didnt have long to go before she was a senior and things were looking bright. We talked as much as we could, but it was a busy season for her with extra curricular activities. I felt we wouldnt get to talk much anyway, so i began filling up my own schedule. It made a lot less time for us to talk. We began to drift apart and thats when arguments over things so little i cant remember began to happen. Neither of us could ever remember. We would always sort it out and be able to say "i love you" at the end of the night. After a time i put the relationship on auto-pilot. I began paying her less attention and responding slower. It didnt seem to be a big deal. When we did talk i would correct her every now and then...its a bad habit. (i read the dictionary because i think its fun but it makes me notice ridiculous things). One day i took literally a whole day from replying to her. Not ignoring her. Just feeling a bit indifferent. the problem is, we had a mini dispute early that morning and so it left her feeling for a full 24 hours that i didnt love her.

 

 

The next day, i walked up to her and tried to give her a big hug. She was angry with me and did not hug back. That kinda hurt me. And i saw how she might have felt all day the day before. I asked her if we were good, as we always do. And she told me she didnt know. I started freaking out. I asked if we could talk and she took a nap which left me wondering where she was. When she awoke she still said she didnt know if we were good or not. Now its not like her to leave things to fester, so when she said we could talk tomorrow, i really started worrying. Maria told me she was getting fed up with the minor arguments even though they were minor. And that she was tired of having to be so defensive. She said it was making her unhappy. I begged her not to leave. She then simply said "Can we talk about this tomorrow?" I agreed.

 

 

The next night i called her. I took over the conversation with excess apologies and until she said that it was enough. This entire time i thought we were pretty much done because she had said she was fed up. And thats when i made the really stupid decision.

 

 

I began describing this new girl at church (all i talked about was the girl's hair). Maria went along with it saying "yeah, she's pretty" And then i described her hair more saying that i really liked it and that it was basically perfect. (childish, i know) Maria then hung up the phone. I knew i had done it now.

 

 

When I called back Maria was upset. I could hear it in her voice. She told me

 

Maria: "Im tired of it! You may know this is what you want but i cant know if this is what i want!"

 

me: "wait im sorry!"

 

Maria: "Its ok! Its over!"

 

me: "but why?!"

 

Maria: "Do i need a reason? Why do i have to have a reason?"

 

 

And then i let her go. We have been broken up for almost a month now. I feel bad because things were going so smoothly until i did what i did. I was the cause of BOTH our break ups. I would not make the same mistake with her again. But I dont think i can convince her of that. I fear that this time she may really be through with me. I've actually made myself appear really desperate now. And its only pushed her away further.

 

 

Her mom told me after the break up that she still trusts me with her daughter. That made me feel a little better. She also said that you never know. That we may still get back together. But right now Maria needs a break. I gave Maria a break but then i tried contacting her again.

 

Maria said she misses me and still loves me. I cant believe that. She even agreed to a date this summer coming up and said we could spend time together next weekend. Her mom and dad are still supportive. I REALLY NEED TO GET MY ACT TOGETHER! I can treat a girl much better than this i know it! I am taking this time to deal with my own issues. I know Maria is young, but it was really working out well until i did the things i did.

 

Now the problem is i kept trying to contact Maria. She is further away now than ever before. I fear that she may be out of reach now! Her mom said that i need to be cautious of the conversations i have with Maria. I fear i may have lost her trust now too!

 

 

Maria may feel that its time for her to move on. I dont want her to forget about me...but i would understand. I really do hope there is still a chance to fix this! Its a crazy situation. but what the heck? I'll ask you guys

 

 

What should i do? And how do i work on my own issues before getting back into a relationship? I dont want to hurt Maria or anyone else like this again!

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destroyed4sho

Sounds like you screwed up. Kind of creepy that you started to like a 12 yr old.

 

i think you should seek counseling to analyze why you pushed her away. maybe that will help you in future relationships.

 

Its over..dont bother this young girl..you need to leave her ALONE.

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Man, you screwed up your greatest love story...I don't understand why guys like to hurt the ones they claim to love? I'm not really sure what you should do because the trust might be gone now. It's hard to rebuild that...don't freak her out though, maybe you need to remember how you were with her in the beginning of your relationship and be that guy again...

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I have decided to pull back entirely. Her birthday is coming up soon. Itll be ok though. I will pray about it. In the meantime, i will do what i do best and help others. I have most assuredly learned my lesson in how to treat someone you love. And how to swallow my pride and get the help i need from my mentor and others. If its meant to be then it will be.

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