Did I overreact by breaking up?

[gobruins79]

About 3 weeks ago my gf came over to hangout and she brought these cookies with cannabis in them. She gave me one and she had one too. This was my first experience eating something like this and after an hour of consuming it I started not feeling good and freaking out a bit. I couldn't stop blinking, having major paranoia and was crawling on the floor, it felt like I was gonna die or something and I just wanted it to end.

 

While this is happening my gf starts recording me on her phone and I tell her not to but she does anyway which makes me more paranoid. I don't like that I'm being recording while I'm tripping out on drugs, so I try to get away by going to my room and lay in bed. She follows me and keeps recording me and I tell her to stop recording me. I finally threw up in the toilet like a gallon worth, then throw up a second time 30 minutes later and then go back to my bed. I keep telling myself I'll never do this again just let me get through this.

 

The following morning, I tell her to delete the videos of me before she goes. She says no. I tell her if she has any respect for me and my wishes she will delete those videos. she still won't. I told her if she's not going to delete those videos I'm gonna have to breakup with her and then she starts taking her things from my place. before she's about to leave I block the door and tell her to delete those videos off the phone before she goes. then she says what am I doing that I'm scaring her and I'm trying to trap her inside. she says if I don't move she'll open the window and scream so I let her go. While she's in her car she tells me I was just high and she loves me and tells me to give her a kiss.

 

I don't go to work that day because I'm still feeling the effects and don't want to show up to work in my state. I call her and plead with her to delete those videos out of respect for me and so I can have a clear conscience there's no video of me out there like that. she says there's nothing on it. I start getting paranoid and telling her I want her to delete it because one day she might use it against me, maybe blackmail me, or if we ever got divorced and had kids one day she'll use that to take my kids away. I realize saying these things I must sound crazy since we don't have kids or married.

 

Later in the day, I text her to delete the videos and tell her if she doesn't respect my wishes I can't do this. she still refuses to delete them and says that there's nothing on them and I'm overreacting. we get into another argument I retaliate with "you're being a f**ing ......" but I hold my tongue. she then rips me for calling her a "b*tch" and I say I didn't. then goes on saying I'm most paranoid guy ever she knows. I tell her I'm not gonna let her walk all over me anymore and it ends here. and tell her it's over. she says ok, let me know when I'm coming over to pick up my things. I drive all the way over there (1 hour drive there) get my stuff. when I get there she doesn't seem to care no emotion, barely speaking and she just mentions she's tired of the drama and I get my things and go back home. and that is it.

 

Now I have threatened to breakup with her for disrespectful behavior toward me before, but after like a week or 2, I always apologize and say I want to be together. she is probably thinking I will crawl back to her again so maybe that is why she didn't seem like she cared. I still love her and want to be with her, but I felt like I had to draw a line otherwise she would continue to walk all over me and not respect any of my wishes in the future. the last thing I texted her (same night) was that I had flowers sent to her work for v-day and that she can just toss them when she got them. she texted next morning ok. and that is last thing communication.

 

Did I overreact by breaking up over some videos?

[JourneyLady]

I don't think you did. She made you ingest something without knowing. That's disrespectful. What if you'd been in a job where they do drug testing? She would have made you lose work.

 

Most people I know would NEVER do something like this to someone they love.

She's bad news. Let her go. You don't know what she's going to feed you next.

All those things you mentioned are possible.

 

I would let her go. And maybe even, if you can, see a lawyer about suing her for what she did or to get the videos deleted.

 

You deserve better than that.

[gobruins79]

No I knew what I was consuming and I was OK trying it out with her.

[TigerCub]

A couple of things:

 

#1 - it was terrible of her to take the video and refuse to delete it. It does show a lack of respect and that she couldn't care less about your peace of mind. - So yes, she was very much in the wrong here.

 

#2- when someone keeps threatening to break up with their SO - it very much damages the relationship. Because:

A. Every time you do that, that tells her that you don't want to be with her and I would assume that she emotionally detaches from you.

 

B. When you threaten to do it, then go crawling back, that takes away any credibility you have and it just makes you look childish and manipulative.

 

Did you over react? I don't think so, she was being a bitch - but I'm also basing my answer on the overall feel that your relationship was childish and disrespectful on both sides.

[creighton0123]

Also agree with the others.

 

She behaved irresponsibly by having you consume the cookies that obviously contained more than you could handle. The reaction you had was extreme and you could have done with a bite instead of the entire thing. Might have been a simple mistake or misunderstanding on her part.

 

I can understand her filming everything while it happened. She was high. You were high. Not deleting the videos after you requested was extremely disrespectful, immature, cold, and downright bitchy. It was right of you to end the relationship with someone like that.

 

Hopefully the video doesn't come back to bite you in the ass. You should make a point to never contact her again. You don't want someone that immature and selfish in your life.

[gobruins79]

So I was browsing Instagram and checked out if she posted anything and apparently she has a pic posted with her best guy friend (who also had a breakup with his gf a couple months ago)with the title "F U VDAY" having dinner together on V-Day. She also has pics going out clubbing having fun. I don't know how to feel about all this. I feel like a fool to care so much about this person who apparently does not give 2 sh*ts about me. The crazy thing is that I still love her very much and want her to come back to me, but I do not want to break no contact. I want her to contact me first and apologize for what she did, but at this point I don't know if I'm ever going to hear back from her again.

[noble]

OP,

I don't think you overreacted at all.. I think breaking up with someone who doesn't respect your wishes is probably the right choice..

I smoke weed occassionally but I don't really like edibles because of the long lasting effects. However, my boyfriend does occasionally like edibles. One time he ate one at a bar and started freaking out. it was my best friend at the time's birthday party but he was scared/paranoid and wanted to leave. He was having trouble even walking. You know what I did? I held his hand really tight and carefully walked him to the care, took him home, tucked him in bed and took care of him.

that's the kind of girlfriend you need. the fact that you were physically ill and she was videotaping it is really mean and insensitive. anytime my boyfriend doesn't feel well, especially if it is drug related, i am there rubbing his back and bringing him water so he'll feel better. you need a girl who is more considerate.

also the fact that she doesnt even seem to care that much that youre ending the relationship suggests that shes not that invested in you or maybe doesnt really care that much about you or the relationship.

[stevie_23]

She seems horrible to me, to be totally blunt!

 

1. She does not CARE about you very much if she wasn't interested in comforting and helping you and worrying about you while you were going through that bad experience from the cookies.

 

2. She does not RESPECT you if she firstly, filmed you at ALL while (a) you were obviously not well and going through a bad time (she should have been taking care of you, not filming you for god's sake!), (b) you ASKED HER REPEATEDLY not to do this, and © she STILL refused to delete the films afterwards! She should never have filmed you in the first place, and the film is of YOU - YOU have the right to that film.

 

3. She seems to have no regard for your feelings at ALL if she's now going out with all these other people.

 

Is there ANY good side to this girl at all, may I ask? I'm sure there must be, or you wouldn't be in love with her, but by her actions in this situation, I sure as hell can't imagine any good aspects of this relationship!

[gobruins79]

That's a fair question. I mean she is a very attractive girl, there are times where her behavior is out of control, but she did make me feel loved too and did take good care of me intimacy wise. People were constantly telling me how lucky I am to be with her, so I guess it got me thinking man I AM really lucky to have this beautiful girl. BTW- I am 8 years older than her; I am in my mid-30s.

 

Throughout the relationship she was always insecure whether I wanted to be with her, and if I love her. I don't know why she has this insecurity, but I always re-assured her when she asked if I love her, cuddled with her and kissed her, I showed her a lot of affection. She initiated about 80% of our calls and was a little needy but I didn't mind that, I enjoyed her company. We spent about about 5-6 days a week seeing each other (for 1.5 years) although we lived an hour away from each other. Our strongest connection was intimacy she enjoyed cuddling with me for hours and had very strong chemistry when we're close together, I would tell her when we're both in our 70s no matter what let's always be this way, she said she hopes so. There were some other things about us that was not common, we both were the same bi-racial ethnicities and we both had family in the same small town about 80 miles away. It felt like more than coincidence and we both felt like maybe we're meant to be together. One time we were making out and she told me she thinks we'd have cute kids together. This was in the beginning. The constant fighting, and me threatening to breakup when her behavior got out of control, probably changed things later on.

 

Where things would get disrespectful is when she wanted to have the upperhand. She always wanted to feel that she is right, and that I'm usually wrong. She say things like "you're not my dad." When I call her out on on her behavior. I knew she was a little immature, but I figured I could handle that and figure she'll grow out of that as she gets older.

 

I think core reason for her not wanting to delete the videos was due to ego and plain ole power tripping. But the fact she was willing to sacrifice the relationship for her ego/powertrip told me how seriously she took the relationship, or maybe she thought I was bluffing or crying wolf by saying I'm going to breakup and didn't take me seriously.

 

Earlier in the relationship, when her behavior was bad I would threaten to walk away for the relationship if that was how she was going to be. There were times I'd start walking out the door and she'd grab me and beg not to go and try to work things out. After a while, I figure maybe she thought I was just crying wolf and said she's done trying to chase me. However, this time, my threat to breakup, was not crying wolf. I was dead serious about breaking up if she did not delete those videos. So her non-reaction, I'm not sure if she really doesn't care for me anymore, or she had too much ego and was power tripping. BTW- she has never threatened to breakup with me, she wanted me to marry her and put a ring on her finger already and was always afraid I might be wasting her time and then dump her. I would tell her I'm not going to be pressured into marriage, I want our relationship to be stable first before we take that next step, plus we have only been together for a year.

 

In attempt to see things from her POV/angle, she said she wanted to record a video because she said it'll be funny to look back on afterwards. When I started freaking out from the consuming the cookie an hour later, I told her to stop recording me because I didn't want something like that going out anywhere. I think there were 3-4 videos on her phone, and on one of them I was hugging her and telling her I love her so much. The next morning when I was telling her to delete those videos, she did mention something about one of the videos where I tell her I love her. So maybe she wanted that one specifically, I don't know really.

 

When I got to her place to get my stuff, I asked her one last time to delete the vids and she still wouldn't. She said to me, how I once told her how much trust is important in a relationship. She went on how I was saying she going going to take my kids away. She said it showed how much I really trusted her. And said we don't even have any kids or married. And she gave me crap for saying I was making her out to be some evil b*tch.

 

At this point I'm still trying to figure out why she didn't delete the videos, and why she hasn't tried to contact me to apologize and rectify her mistake. Probably somehow in her head she feels she did nothing wrong and that I messed up and overreacted by breaking up.