he broke my heart and hurt my pride

[diamond1234]

My ex and I have been broken up for a really long time, but we stayed FWB all this time. During all this time he treated me really poorly, he would ditch me (when we already had plans) to go hang out with this buddies, or he would be short and sharp sometimes when I wanted to talk. In several occasions i told him i didn't want him in my life anymore, then he would agree and say he was thinking the same thing (LIE) and then after a couple of weeks he would start talking to me again as friends, i'd let him back in and as soon as i realize we'd be having sex again. In some other occasions he would start talking to somebody else and then disappear or change, until i realize there was something wrong. We would agree to not talk anymore, and then when things didn't work out with the girl he would come back in, and i'd let him in again. I tried to stay strong, but he was so good at convincing me, at manipulating me. Well these last few weeks we hadn't really hung out much and then i realized he was talking to somebody else. He told me "i'm talking to a girl in high school, get over me" (we are both 22 and in college). He then later said he lied about that, and he told me several other lies. Well i live across from his parents house, where he still lives, and i saw her car there one night, so i texted him and he said she there. We had hung out on valentine's day, and this was the sunday after the 14th. I got pissed, and i know i didn't have the right to be pissed.. he has the right to move on, and it's my fault it he was still in my life and i knew that sooner or later this would happen. I got jealous, but mostly i got pissed at how careless he was, when i told him "well hopefully it won't be hard to ignore your house when i drive by" all he said was "ya".. just the way he didn't care about when he told me he was talking to her and how he doesn't care in kicking me out of his life. Well i have a bad mouth when im mad, so i said things i shouldnt.. i told him "you're a prick and she is just the kind you deserve" (oh yea, the one thing i heard about her from a friend who has little brothers in high school was "oh gosh, she is a little slut, im surprised she isn't pregnant yet" and my ex told me that he heard that about her too). we said some other hurtful things to each other.. i told him that he was nothing to me, that i regretted having let him back in so many times, and that i didn't want any type of contact with him. Then he said he also didn't want to talk to me anymore bc i really pissed him off. Well the next day it was 2:30 in the afternoon and i was driving home from college and then i see her car there, she was at the door. I was still pretty furious so i texted him insulting her and then he told me to shut up and he said i have lost any chances of talking to him in person. Truth is he never planned on talking to me in person about this, and then he acts like i screwed up, like i was the one to blame. Yes, i recognize my mistakes, i should never have said the things i said about her, it was low, but i was mad and i wanted to insult him in anyway i could. I really don't understand what's so frustrating about this... really he is 22 years old, working in a pizza place, living with his parents, and failing college classes and all he cares about is building muscles to play football. Me, on the other hand, i'm an honor student, have 2 important student positions on my college campus, 2 jobs i am co-signing an scientific article with my advisor, i can talk about politics history philosophy, i am bilingual and i live in a different country from where im originally from. I have done several things in only 22 years that he probably never will in his entire life, and yet i am bugged by the fact that he has chosen a high school cheerleader that everybody in town knows is a slut. I know i have to understand that he doesn't deserve me, and i can't go down on his level. I think the most hurtful part is seeing how he moved on without even looking back, without even trying to let me down easy. I wish he would have been more careful at how he approached this. The way he acted just really makes me think he never loved me even though he says i was his first love (we met when we were 17). It just makes me feel he never cared about me, only about himself, and it's hard to accept that your first love never really loved you. We both hate each other now, and i don't know if ill ever be able to remember him without regret, which is a shame. I feel like i pulled the trigger, but he bought the gun, loaded and put it in our heads. Now i am determined to move on and i am not looking back!

Edited February 28, 2013 by diamond1234

[roaminghart11]

It sounds like you know what is best, to move on. With all the other things in life you have already accomplished you will be able to do it!