EAP Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 My previous relationship had a really bad ending. Unfortunately he was very manipulative and I wasn't allowed to have friends without being looked down upon by him. So now that he's gone... I have no one and I feel like I absolutely need to be with someone. I'm very much an introvert so suggesting clubs and activities isn't for me. I just need to know how to cope until I find my next love. Also, How do I avoid turning someone into a rebound? I do not want that to happen because I don't like to mess with people's feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
BarbecueMan666 Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 My previous relationship had a really bad ending. Unfortunately he was very manipulative and I wasn't allowed to have friends without being looked down upon by him. So now that he's gone... I have no one and I feel like I absolutely need to be with someone. I'm very much an introvert so suggesting clubs and activities isn't for me. I just need to know how to cope until I find my next love. Also, How do I avoid turning someone into a rebound? I do not want that to happen because I don't like to mess with people's feelings. Hi, I can only go off experience, and while I don't have a cure, I'll give you a piece of what I went through. My ex was very much her own person - didn't like me talking to other girls, and I tried to make her feel as comfortable as possible. A 1.5 year relationship ended up dying for reasons I don't even know - She didn't see it working, and said she doesn't want to be with me. I went through and I guess till am going through this very lonely phase. Before meeting her I was lonely, during our time together I felt extremely happy, and after it ending the feeling is back, but almost seems more potent. But it does get better. Find somebody you can talk to, be it a family member or whom ever. If you are an introvert - choosing to go against the grain this once can help you greatly. I chose to open up to my father, in which we were never that close, but have since bonded massively. - One or two friends I chose to confide in too, elsewhere I tried to act as positive as I could, without weighing anybody else down. Look at your relationship, it's ok to remember the positives, but try to see it for what it actually was too. - The fact you weren't allowed to have friends is really really bad. I actually recommend trying to be satisfied with yourself before you even think about a rebound. - I went and hooked up with a girl and felt dreadful a few weeks after breaking up. It's a weird feeling, but being comfortable with yourself and not relying on anybody else to bring you that comfort is a huge part of being human, I really recommend you stick at what you're going through, and try and find the positives. Link to post Share on other sites
siamex Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I'm with you on the whole NC thing--it's been 10 days since she texted me (yes, she ended it via texts) and it still hurts like I've been cut deeply. I mean, the whole relationship wasn't perfect but I did my best to work things out when things seemed a tad bit over-the-top and it never seemed to be enough. I'm sorry for the way it blew up but I can't take back the hurt. You don't need someone to fill the void as you can do that by re-developing the you that it needs to be. Looking for a next love is futile and you should just collect the pieces of yourself or just find things that will bring joy to your life. Read a book that you've been meaning to read...call that friend you neglected while being in a relationship...take them out to dinner or coffee...reconnect with your spirituality if you're a religous type. Do something you haven't done before like cooking. Maybe you could only do hot pockets and pop tarts--learn how to make a boysenberry reduction sauce. This life is ****ing hard enough without heartbreak. Just don't be destructive and wreck another's love to self-medicate your own pain. I know it is easier said than done--but you have to find solace somewhere. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thunderchild Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 My previous relationship had a really bad ending. Unfortunately he was very manipulative and I wasn't allowed to have friends without being looked down upon by him. So now that he's gone... I have no one and I feel like I absolutely need to be with someone. I'm very much an introvert so suggesting clubs and activities isn't for me. I just need to know how to cope until I find my next love. Also, How do I avoid turning someone into a rebound? I do not want that to happen because I don't like to mess with people's feelings. Hey, hey, hey - let's get you a whole different mindset here. 1) You are rid of that manipulative A-hole. Go No Contact and cut him out of your life entirely. If he is such bad news - then ignore him totally. There are people on these boards who will be around to help and support you through even the sh*ttiest of moments. You are not alone!!! 2) Going No Contact puts YOU back in control of YOUR life. It gives you a chance to heal from the break up and also to work on yourself. Never mind what he said or how low he made you feel - he's the past. You now have total control of your own future. You are now in Control!! OK - it might take you a while to get back on your feet and find new friends. But, the ball is very much in your court. What are you going to do with Your Freedom?? You say clubs and activities are out? Let's just say you don't feel confident enough for that! You're a student - according to your profile - are there counselling services at your institution that you can access? What about voluntary work? There are bound to be projects that are crying out for people to go and help; which will bring you into contact with others. It may not fling the love-of-your-life into your arms, but it will start to rebuild your self-esteem and self-confidence again. Keep the Faith - and be Strong!! Link to post Share on other sites
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