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I lost the love of my life


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phoenix3stars

A girl fell in love with me, she told me she had never been in love, she never had enjoyed sex because she never had the urge for it, no real sexual desire. She is 26, has a 4 year old boy, she left her ex of 4 years because she didnt love him, she told me she is faithful and honest, would never cheat because she doesnt approve of it, she said so many things. She told me about her past partners, which apparently were few, and also that she never found anyone attractive, just her crush from high school, but apparently i was the exception.

 

Things started great, i moved in after weekend visits, then i got paranoid, i had depression and insecurities, she had a few close male friends and use to make a lot of effort because she was insecure about her looks, i used to think she did it to attract men. Whenever i caught her looking at a man i used to say 'i thought u didnt take notice, you tell me you find some people good looking but you are not attracted to men, why do you look?' i mean i know its not an offence but it confused me, she used to say im only looking around, and if i caught her looking twice it just made me wonder if she was giving me lies, then she used to have a go at me if i stared at something she looked at, she obviously thought i was checking everything she looked at.

 

I loved and still love this girl with my all my heart but my trust issues were always there, i couldnt trust all she told me because it seemed so unbelievable and i was meant to be the exception. Our sex life was good although i always came onto her, but in the final month we were intimate once and she fell pregnant, after 5 months of regular sex, the one month we did it just once she gets pregnant, it was in fairness around her ovulation date. The same night we did it she had been out with mates from work and been in her work to phone people with her friend and two male employees, i convinced myself she had sex with one in her work, because when she came home and we were about to have sex she was really wet and i wasnt use to her being that wet. I dont even remember ejaculating in her, we did it twice in the space of half an hour, the first time i pulled out and the second i stayed in but i didnt feel the ejaculation. From there she had a miscarriage a few weeks later and our relationship went downhill, when i confronted her with my accusation she got angry and gave me all the i love you so much, why would i do that to you, i would never do anything to hurt you but to me it always felt like a desperate plea to convince me of a lie, maybe my paranoia went to far but to me i just felt something was wrong.

 

She never slept with me until a month into the relationship, and that was also part of her defence, maybe i messed up badly with this girl because i loved her so damn much i was scared of losing her, now it seems i have done just that. She finally said she couldnt take my constant accusations and mistrust, it was hurting her too much and told me to go. She said she loves me with all her heart but i need to sort my head out because i am just messed up, it ended on a bad note and now i am left wondering if it was all me or did i have reason to feel the way i did, maybe my paranoia killed everything. please anyone give me some feedback or talk to me, i think i need help, i am so depressed right now.

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man, i think, if your gut instinct tells you something isnt right, it probably isnt. Sounds very tough situation. Why do you have paranoia and trust issues? Were you cheated on before? How did you leave it with her? Either way, she has told you to leave now, so all you can do is go into no contact mode, unless you feel you should apoligise for anything hurtful you may have done/said?

 

Again, you must appear strong now, and dont start harassing her. let her be man. NC

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I don't want to make you feel worse, but it sounds as though she was being honest about why she broke up with you--she could no longer tolerate your distrust, jealousy and unfounded accusations. It's not only frustrating but also disrespectful.

 

Now, I doubt if you got any enjoyment out of acting as you did so I must assume that something has caused you to feel so very insecure and unable to trust. I would advise you to forget about why she broke up with you and focus on discovering the reason for why you feel and act the way you do.

 

Self discovery can be painful but extremely rewarding. Good luck.

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phoenix3stars

Thank you all for your replies, SURVIVOR you seem to have a good neutral view on this, please help me a little more, yes i have serious trust issues, i got hurt in the past and i put my all in to the relationship, i am a faithful loving man and all i want is to be with one girl. The girl that has just left me told me so many things from the start, she told me who she had been with, her ex's, which are very few, she only had one serious relationship, she told me that she has never really been attracted to anyone and sex is not something which bothers her as its always been a 'chore' to her partners in the past. She told me she would always be honest, genuine and faithful before we first met, and this was before she fell in love with me. She never slept with me until a month into the relationship, i mean a girl like that wouldnt cheat would they? She said she was always committed to this and that she would be around for as long as i wanted her, which was an unusual statement. My paranoia led me down a dark path and i couldnt trust the men she knew or even strangers on a night out, always thinking that if she was drinking she wouldnt be able to say no, and one thing she told me before we met is that she never ever had a one night stand and she never would. For some reason she seemed so perfect and maybe that was what drove me insane, it seemed all so unbelievable, even before the very last argument when i accused her of sleeping with someone on her work night out, and saying that it was someone else who got her pregnant, when i told her that she reacted in anger yes, the shocked look, she called me a bastard and then even though she had told me she wanted to end it in that very moment she broke down in tears and told me how much she loved me and that she could never do anything to hurt me, just saying all the things that she has always said, but that she couldnt live like this anymore. Please be honest with me, its ok when people say that your gut instinct might be right but paranoia controls your instincts, do you believe this girl was genuine and i truly messed up, i will find a way to get rid of my issues, but even if the only thing i can get from this is knowing she was who she said she was gives me some sort of comfort.

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I see no reason to believe that she deserved the suspicions and accusations you levied upon her.

 

Here's the thing...No one can ever completely know what another person may do in the future. In fact, no one can know what they, themselves, will do in a given situation until it arises. For that reason, relationships require a degree of risk of being hurt...and willingness to trust.

 

Of course, not everyone is worthy of being trusted which is why it is wise to spend time getting to know someone before becoming too invested in a relationship. As Ronald Reagan once said, "Trust, but verify". If, however, you go into a relationship primed to distrust without reason, building trust will be impossible and the relationship is doomed to fail.

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