Chloe1980 Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 I blocked all ways of communication yesterday, I deleted everything, closed email accounts, blocked him on meetme. no way of communication, except if he texts me, which he hasnt and he wont, I know him. He must be really angry at me that I did that, and Im feeling extremely guilty, and cant cope. I know he couldnt give me what I want, and I suffered a lot while with him because he was always distant. But now I am dying inside, God, I need to be strong, but cannot find the strengh, miss him badly... Did I make the correct thing? I guess he was a player, as he was signed in in lots of dating sites, but he told me he was not. He was pretty active in adult friend finder though. He may already have another girl and Im still mourning, and feel dead inside. Dont know what to do, Im a total mess right now, cannot get out of bed. Link to post Share on other sites
Own Worst Enemy Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 how icky is that? sounds like he wants to work his way through the alphabet, starting with S, T and D... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautionaryTale Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 I blocked all ways of communication yesterday, I deleted everything, closed email accounts, blocked him on meetme. no way of communication, except if he texts me, which he hasnt and he wont, I know him. He must be really angry at me that I did that, and Im feeling extremely guilty, and cant cope. I know he couldnt give me what I want, and I suffered a lot while with him because he was always distant. But now I am dying inside, God, I need to be strong, but cannot find the strengh, miss him badly... Did I make the correct thing? I guess he was a player, as he was signed in in lots of dating sites, but he told me he was not. He was pretty active in adult friend finder though. He may already have another girl and Im still mourning, and feel dead inside. Dont know what to do, Im a total mess right now, cannot get out of bed. I read through some of your old posts... Why do YOU feel guilty? You are doing the right thing, he was never going to be what you needed/wanted. He lied to you and was putting your health at risk and, had no problem doing so. You feel guilty because? Because you cut him out? You need to do what's good for you. This is GOOD for YOU. You shouldn't care if it's going to upset him. Let him be upset. Get out of bed, have a nice, hot shower, put on your face and run out to grab a coffee. Baby steps. You will feel this awful forever if you don't get up. It will take time but, you are definitely doing the right thing. Keep your chin up, it DOES get easier. Link to post Share on other sites
d0620 Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 how icky is that? sounds like he wants to work his way through the alphabet, starting with S, T and D... Now I can apply this to my situation and I think it's clever. I have to get myself checked. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chloe1980 Posted February 17, 2013 Author Share Posted February 17, 2013 I am so freaked out right now, that my depression and my fears run alongside. I think he was so promiscuous, he must had passed me something. I really hate me for being such a mess of myself. I hope I can see light soon Link to post Share on other sites
CautionaryTale Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I am so freaked out right now, that my depression and my fears run alongside. I think he was so promiscuous, he must had passed me something. I really hate me for being such a mess of myself. I hope I can see light soon If you haven't done so yet, your first step is to get yourself checked out. As soon as possible. You'll be completely freaked out and messy until you know for sure. The wait for that is excruciating when you're expecting bad results. So don't make it longer than it has to be, go tomorrow. Don't be down on yourself for feeling the way you do. It's completely normal. No matter what kind of d-bags we all get involved with, (most) people will mourn their loss to some degree. It just takes time. Go out and do something new, call old friends, get together with family, go buy a new book, find something to do to occupy yourself. Keep going NC, and really, as soon as possible get yourself tested. You need to know. You will drive yourself MAD if you avoid this. You'll be fine, there's light, just have to dig through the muck to see it. Link to post Share on other sites
iouaname Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I understand what you mean. I feel extremely guilty whenever my ex calls and I do not return the phone call. Of course I remember that he dumped me and that he hurt me a lot and that I don't owe it to him to return his phone calls, but I still feel anxious and guilty when he reaches out and I do not answer. In those moments where I'm feeling guilty, I just try to think of all of the selfish things he's done and all of the things that he should feel guilty about, and sometimes it actually makes me feel good to know that I am making a selfish decision of my own. Link to post Share on other sites
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