I've lost him

[BLo7687]

So me and my ex had an on and off relationship for 2 years. The first time we met was back in April 2010. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to get together then because he just had gotten out of a 3/4 year relationship with his first love so I was very guarded to date him. I didn't want to feel like I was some rebound but he reassured me that it was over with his ex for awhile and that when he met me, he was instantly smitten. At that time I hadn't been in a relationship in over a year so I decided to see how things would go with him. He seemed like a nice guy so we start dating but I wanted to take things slow. I got hurt from my last relationship so I was very guarded. At first I didn't open up to him as much as he did with me. I was pretty much a bitch, someone that was brutally honest, dominant, not the mushy type, etc. I was pretty much a challenge to him. He was cute, sweet, nice, caring, always made an effort, and just somebody that I needed. With that also came with flaws. He was very jealous and insecure about a lot of things. Where I was, who I was with, where I was going, etc. even if I would tell him the truth. He had a lot of trust issues even if we communicated well with each other. He seemed very codependent, clingy, and always needed to be with me where at times I liked my space. I just thought he was having these issues because he wasn't use to a girl like me. His ex was the complete opposite who clunged onto him. Those issues started pushing me away and I started thinking he wasn't the one for me. Just someone for right now. He even told me he was in love with me but I never told him I was. I just loved him but didn't feel in love. Started thinking I could find someone better and someone more compatible so I dumped him and he was heartbroken. We dated for 11 months.

 

Flash forward to 6/7 months later (Sept 2011). Around that timeframe where we were broken up, we kept in contact. He usually would initiate contact. At that time, I went on dates with guys, partied, and messed around (but not sex). I was still single. He would call/text and usually brag about who he was talking to and how many chicks he slept with. But I knew deep down inside he wasn't over me. He even started dating a girl just to make me jealous and he wanted me to fight for him. This kind of ticked me off and wasn't surprise just because he seemed like the type of person that needs to be with somebody/relationship. He dates this girl for a few weeks and when she leaves to go back to school out of state she cheats on him with her ex. He came running back to me and tells me he was never over me, always wanted to be with me, never wanted things to end, etc. He wanted to try things again and promised he would change his ways on how he acted. I gave him another chance. The 2nd time around things were a lot better. I was more open to him and he really chilled out with his insecurity issues.

 

But with that said, to make a long story short, he broke up with me in early Dec (2012). He's leaving to go to the Air Force this April. He decided this for about a year now that he wanted to get into spec ops and make it a career. I didn't want to stop him because this is his dream job and he has to do what he has to do. I take accountable for this break up this time around because even if it was better 2nd time around, I still treated him like **** especially when we argued, gave him no commitment on the future, and a lot of other issues. He would always talk about the future with me. Marriage, babies, wanted me to settle down. And I was always scared to talk about it. I never even showed him to my parents because at that time I didn't think he was the one. He was really hurt by that. I honestly wanted to stay with him when he would leave to go to the Air Force just to see how we would work in a long distance relationship. But to him that wasn't enough. He wanted me to change, grow up, and wanted a full commitment from me. I was at a stalemate. He was really hurt with certain things I did in the relationship and I can honestly admit it was my fault.

 

Around Jan, I started fighting for him hard. I told him I would change and I would make a full commitment on everything. That we needed to both change certain things with each other to move forward in the future. Not just me but him too. I told him he couldn't mold me to be this certain type of girl (which he was trying to do) but that there was things that I would improve on. He tried giving me a chance but he was still stuck about everything in the past and was so wishy washy. He didn't think I would change. At this point, he started thinking he could find someone better and someone more nicer. Like for a few days, we would be good and then he would mess things up, go cold, and start acting like an *******. It was back to the same ****. This went on for weeks back and forth in Jan. I got so fed up with his wishy washiness, that his actions would sometimes lead me to hooking up with other guys. He said everything is too late and that the damage is done. That I only do things when it's too late. I tried going NC a couple times but he would always hit me back up and I would get sucked in again.

 

To conclude everything, in the end I treated him like he was just the next best thing and eventually there would be a dead end in the relationship. So why do I want him back now?? Sometimes I would think do I want him back because im losing him and because of the attachment or because i see a future with him?? Something that I needed to think about. He was the best boyfriend I ever had. I took him for granted and didn't appreciate the little things he did for me. Now im hurting. I was all in if we would of worked things out the 3rd time around. This is probably karma striking back. Please tell me he did the right thing in ending things and that it wasn't meant to be?? That I should let this go...

[BLo7687]

Just to update things the last few weeks:

 

I had found out he made another facebook profile at the end of Nov before we even broke up. Obviously I was blocked from it. His excuse was that "he knew we were about to break up, got treated like crap, and he wanted to start over". I thought it was pretty shady and sneaky and I flipped out on him for it. But I forgave him for it anyway because I wanted to work things out. One thing about him is that he is bent on spite and revenge from the past.

 

For the last 2/3 weeks I had tried to go NC. But obviously he would hit me up and I would get sucked back into it. 2 weeks ago we messed around but didn't have sex or anything. He would call/text like usual and would act like how it use to be. Things would be good and the next couple of days he would go cold and act like a douche.

 

Last week I got fed up and went NC for 6 days. Those times he would text, call, left a voicemail saying "I'm sorry" or wanted to know how I was doing and hope that I was okay. I ignored it and didn't respond. Until last night I just had this feeling that he was talking to someone else. I only called to let him know that I was doing fine and things were okay with me. I know I shouldn't have called. He was mad that I ignored him for a week. Asked if I thought about him and when I said not all that much unless he hit me up, he got pissed. He told me he would think about me from time to time. We argued for about 2 hours. He finally admitted that he was talking to someone else. That me ignoring him for a week led up to his decision to talk to this girl. At first, I didn't get hurt when he told me this because I can't say I was surprise. He can't be alone for more than 2 min. He jumps from relationship to relationship. But what hit me like a ton of bricks is when he started bragging about this girl comparing how she was so much better than me. Basically trying to make me jealous. That this time around I shouldn't fight for him because he really likes this girl. He tells me she has a kid and she's divorced. They're about the same age (he's 23). That her ex husband was physically abusive to her. Like seriously WTF?? Talk about baggage. Pretty sure he was already talking to this girl while we were still messing around.

 

He's turned into the biggest douche and he blames me for it. Like I said, I take accountable for it. But the way he's been acting now is why our relationship is ruined. And I'm pretty sure he'll hit me up again. I know I should go back to NC and move on. I didn't think this would hurt me this much.

[Mayfare]

You can't be in a relationship with someone that brings out the worst in you, because you will be that awful person for as long as you're with him. If being around him makes you cold and mean, especially after 2 years, then you need to move on.