Will she come back to me?

[Truthseeker1985]

My ex of 4 months have left me couple of days ago. We were in a long distance relationship but I got to go and see her once and I really treated her right for the couple days that we've been together. We have not fought at all during those days and we both say that was the happiest day of our life.

 

I have never loved anyone like her before and she is amazing to me in every way possible.

I was to see her again soon but she always have friends that tell her that I'm not the one for her and tho she didn't take their advices at that time, just recently she broke it off with me saying that her friends are there to morally support her for breaking up with me. She has told me that we're not compatible (tho we never argued and held hands, kissed etc when we met, we do tend to argue lots over the phone and text) and ask me to wait for her, then couple minutes later would tell me to move on, then couple minutes later, tells me that she never loved anyone as much as she loved me and told me that she'll try to be back to me as soon as possible.

 

I don't know what she wants in her life, and she is quite young. She said she loves me and this is very difficult for her but she has to do this to figure things out in life, I'm saddened that I can't take this journey together with her. I wonder what she meant by telling me that she'll be back as soon as possible? Does that mean that she'll come back? She told me that she'll check up on me soon to see if things are going good with me. I am currently in shock that she left and I did break down but I am doing better now thinking of my possible mistakes of making her such a big deal in my life, I think she thought that she had too much responsibilities to handle being held with that much regard by me, and I never intended to put her in that nervous position.

 

Two days before she broke up, I said some very mean things to her (I regret ever meeting her/I regret being in a relationship) and I soon apologized because I said those things knowing it'd hurt her out of my anger at that time. I felt strong and brave at that time, not realizing what I was soon to lose, and I did apologize to her many times until she said that I don't need to apologize anymore. She told me that we'll work things thru and that she'll stick by me no matter what.

My last message to her was that I love her and she texted me saying that she loves me too, which was 30 minutes before she called and said we should not be with each other anymore.

I just wonder what she wants and if she really don't imagine life with me anymore, and if she's either going to come back to me like she said she will, or if she just said that she'll be back soon and that she loves me just to give me false hopes.

 

I never gave up on her, no matter how she treated me (she pushed me around a bit, but apologizes when I tell her that she's being violent to me) I accept her entirely on who/what she is, I don't ask her to change because she can just stay there the way she is and I'll still love her for everything that she is, I just wish she would've stuck things out with me and not let her friends talk bad about me.

 

What do you think that she'll do with me? I asked my friends who knows me if I treated her wrong, and told them how I treated her when I drove to see her and they said that this current generation of guys will never treat girls with that much care and that I really did show a lot of care for her, and that if she did love me, she'll brush off my words and listen to what I do for her (actions speak louder than words) I just don't really expect her to come back because I just want her to be happy with or without me. I'm really not a bad guy, but I was a fool because she's gone from me. Please give me any advice on what I should do and if she means what she said....that she loves me and that she'll be back soon.

 

I texted her today and asked her to find someone special that will love her better than me. She said thank you and I really did treated her with so much care and love that nobody else ever had. I asked her if she's going to send me back the gifts that I gave her (my dogtag with my social security being one) to let me know if things are really over between us and she said she doesn't know yet and she'll wait until she knows what to do.

I replied saying that I'll continue to wait because I really do love her and consider her to still be amazing to me and that I'll watch my tongue next time and she said thank you.

 

I really do hope she does come back, for now I'm just exercising the stress off and I'm not dwelling too much into this as it'll only continue to leave me feeling destroyed and worry my friends and family.

 

When she said mean things to me on text/phone then apologized later on, I forgave her and told her not to worry because I accept her and to not feel any guilt. And when I was there to meet her face to face, I took care of her when she was sick, fed her food when she could barely get up from the bed. I'd carry her on my back and walk to the car from the mall when her feet was sore from walking, I'd hold her hands in my car and tell her I love her and smile at her all the time while I was there, I was just too much into her and when I went back to my home, far away from her..she called to cry and say she is shocked that I'm gone and that she realized that she really needed me, that was just a month ago! So I don't understand how she suddenly "dropped" me like this, but we did argue on text alot. I'd ask her how things are going and she'd think I'm being nosey and such. She has tremendous temper and suddenly lash out for what I perceive as no reason but I accepted that part of her as who she is and I love her no matter what. Is it time to let go tho even tho she said she's not sure yet if she wants to completely get rid of me?

 

(When she called me to break up, she cried and said she has never loved anyone like me and that this is really difficult but she has to do what she has to do. What did I do wrong? Am I just a terrible person? Will she ever come back to me?)

Edited February 14, 2013 by Truthseeker1985

[Truthseeker1985]

you asked for your gifts back ? Who does that man, consider it collateral damage and move on. She dumped you - remember that when you think about her. If she loved you enough, this would never have happened.

 

She cried because she wanted to, no offence but it had nothing to do with leaving you. Crying made her get over the guilt of breaking up with you

 

 

You arent a terrible person. You took care of her when she was sick, you are a good man. She was the bad one, she doesnt deserve you - its karma doing you a favor.

 

Cheers

 

Thank you. I just feel like everything is my fault you know? I think it really is because I wasn't the one dumping her, it was her dumping me. I never loved anyone like her before and there were problems in her life like her mother screaming at her when she questions where her mother is at over the phone(that's probably where my ex got her behavior from) and I'd hold her hand while she's talking to her mother and she'd cry telling me that she doesn't like her treating her that way, and I'd let her cry on my shoulder and pat her on the head. I just feel like she needs more love and to accept me as I am if I really am not the one with the problems. But I just want to think that I am the one with the faults, I'm pretty sure I am...but thank you for saying that I'm not the bad guy. This forum does help a little for me.

[Truthseeker1985]

I have tried to text her about sending my stuff back and that didn't end well with her asking me to stop texting her. She has never spent a single cent while I was there and I had to pay for everything. Best she can do is not complain about sending my jacket and dogtag back after all I've done to see her. I told her I still love her but I can't be with someone who doesn't love me enough to accept that we make mistakes as a couple. She was the dumper, but I'm stronger than this and I won't beg her to stay or wait and be the insurance. She really was someone I truly loved no matter what but I respect myself and I will have to move on if she isn't coming back. I can definitely expect it's over for whatever it was and it probably wasn't even there in the first place right? I'm hoping someone would answer me. I just wish things weren't like this, but me and her, I guess we both failed each other and I should stop blaming myself as it doesn't get anywhere.

[TaraMaiden]

If they were gifts - if you gave them to her, as a token gesture of your affection - then you have absolutely no right whatsoever to ask for them back, and she is under no legal, moral or emotional obligation to return them.

 

to ask for them back is both immature and selfish, no matter what the circumstances.

If you give a gift, it stays a gift.

 

Please read the link in my signature (updated No Contact Guide, 2013) and read it all.

Several times.

And then read it again, for good measure.

 

It absolutely, totally works.

But only providing you actually stick to it....

[Truthseeker1985]

Tara, thank you for the reply and I am reading your no contact guide. I do want my dogtag back tho, it has my social security number and I know it was a dumb move to give that to her.

 

I am somewhat bitter but I do thank her for giving me a very happy moment of my life even if it was only for 3 days of meeting her in person. (I come from abusive father/mother/generation of soldiers, lived on a ship/desert for awhile, so what her and I had was just unforgettable and something HUMAN for me as I've never gotten the chance at school due to me being in military candidate programs, so I do thank her for that)

 

She did say she'll be back soon, I'm not sure if that's her saying what I wanted to hear or she really means it. But your NC guide is right in that it will heal my loss and help me get over it.

I do wish things weren't like this but it happened. Was I the one at fault and is she really going to come back like she said she would?

[MrWombat]

I have never loved anyone like her before and she is amazing to me in every way possible.

…

I was to see her again soon but she always have friends that tell her that I'm not the one for her and tho she didn't take their advices at that time, just recently she broke it off with me saying that her friends are there to morally support her for breaking up with me.

 

She is not amazing to you in every way possible. She dumped you. And she either did it because her friends said to do it, or she is using them as an excuse.

 

She has told me that we're not compatible (tho we never argued and held hands, kissed etc when we met, we do tend to argue lots over the phone and text) and ask me to wait for her, then couple minutes later would tell me to move on, then couple minutes later, tells me that she never loved anyone as much as she loved me and told me that she'll try to be back to me as soon as possible.

 

Ok. This person is a psycho. This kind of hot/cold switcherroo, and the over-the-top love bombing, is classic Borderline Personality Disorder.

 

Look it up.

 

I don't know what she wants in her life, and she is quite young.

 

She wants what they all want at that age: to be boned by an alpha winner, preferably while all the other girls watch in envy.

 

She told me that she'll check up on me soon to see if things are going good with me.

 

And if they are, she'll fix that.

 

I texted her today and asked her to find someone special that will love her better than me.

 

Ok, am now adjusting my ideas about this. What on God's green eath did you hope to accomplish by sending this? I hope you understand that if she were to text back "Thanks! Already have!", you would have no right - none - to be butthurt about it. Sending this is major "Unable to see my actions from the other person's point of view" fail.

 

What women used to do in your situation was to write letters that they never posted, just to get it out of their systems. Maybe that would work for you, too.

[TaraMaiden]

Look, you may be sick and tired of it, but others may not be aware of it.

One new member yesterday stated they'd never come across it.

It's what I promote - it's in my signature, it's what I do.

 

You know it works.

 

I get sick and tired of "the sound of my own voice" too, but to others it's fresh, it's new and it's a way of healing.

 

'Probably works' doesn't cover it.

It certainly DOES work - providing you stick to it.

 

Feeling down, today, mutantswordfish...?

[Truthseeker1985]

I can't believe I lost 7 pounds in two days. I just wish it wasn't like this between me and her, but my friends are trying to help me meet other girls who are more near my age and who could appreciate what I can do for them.

 

I'm not in the mood to date though when I went as far to her as proposing after the first 2~3 months of knowing her. I don't think that she took the engagement as a joke or anything. It probably was serious, but the fact that she say things like "my fate is to have nobody in my life, I'm cursed to be single" etc , her saying that just breaks my heart. I wish she's confident and also understand that I really did accept her for everything.

 

I did check up on her alot, and her friends said that is "toxic" of me. Her and her friends are into dark fashion, i.e. goth and she does have some odd stuff about her but I didn't mind that. I'm a Christian who doesn't even open the bible, preach, goto church, pray or do anything really "Christian" and yet she pretty much branded me with the Westborough group and reasoned that her belief and mine isn't compatible and that we're not compatible together. Just things like that, I'm sorry I'm ranting a little but it's things like that made me think that this girl is not a woman, it's only a girl and girls can't handle such commitment from engagement and who knows, maybe I am just a idiot and maybe it was all my fault all along.

[TaraMaiden]

non rompere mi palle TaraMaiden

 

I just had a horrible night waking up every 2 hours and my head is full of images of her with someone else

 

But I think I will survive!

 

Tesoro, non sono IO la responsabile per le tue palle rotte, non prendertela con me....

 

(treasure, I'm not the one responsible for your edgy mood, don't take it out on me.... )