mcdo Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Long story short - Broke up with my girlfriend of 2.5 years in late November. I spent December more or less in a state of denial, believing it was just a quick break & we would be back on in no time. I absolutely misread the situation - the break was final. When I came to realise this in late December I just melted - a severe breakdown of shock and tears. I made some rookie mistakes (text message terrorism) and friends forced me to implement no contact. After only 4 days of NC she initiated contact with me again. This looked very promising and friends of mine that have successfully reconciled with exes gave me tips and advised me on how to take things from there. I spent the next month in a living hell of extreme highs and the lowest of lows - having her talk online for 3 days, having her disappear offline for 3 days, meeting up, getting stood up - a living nightmare. Throughout January I made all of the necessary changes she had originally asked for. Had her over in my new place a couple of times, made her dinner, had drinks etc. etc. I believed she was genuinely impressed... well it wasn't enough. And she's back out dating. I said enough's enough - no more meet-ups, no more dinner or drinks, etc. I am going full NC from here on in. The relationship we once had is over. Completely finished. I believe I've finally come to accept it - but it doesn't mean I don't think about her all of the time. That was about a week ago. I've nearly done a week of NC and I haven't been doing too bad. I haven't been 100% NC, but maybe 90-95% (if that's acceptable ). One or two friends allow me to vent on them, which has been a brilliant help. This forum has been fantastic too and so I joined today. It's still difficult, and there are still tears, but I'm in hope that it will fade away if I follow the NC rules. I have planned enjoying the coming year by going on trips away, tons of concerts and just treating myself. And at the end of the year I'm going to emigrate and hope to start fresh in a new part of the world. However, even with all of this in mind, I'm absolutely dreading this Thursday - Valentines Day. I realise it's only a money-grabbing invention of card, flower and chocolate companies but I just know the memories will reappear. All of them. And they will torture me all day long. We always did Valentines Day the ultra-clichéd way - the gifts, looking our best, the meals in the finest restaurants, the romantic glass of wine in a nice bar. And more often than not it was me that did it all for her (I can be a bit of a romantic at heart) and Valentines wasn't that big of a deal for her. And so I feel I'm gonna be tortured this Thursday. My friends have suggested doing a hobby I like or watching a good movie, but that's what I'm already doing every "regular" day in an effort to take my mind off things. Hobbies just won't cut it on Valentines. I thought about taking the day off work and just getting into my car and driving for like 14 hours. Just keep driving until I get tired and then go home to bed. The alternative could be the seedier option of getting hammered drunk and looking for other broken-hearted souls on the dancefloors of our town. Not sure if that's the wisest choice. How on earth am I going to get through that day??? (Wow this post is way longer than I originally planned, thanks anyone who read it) Link to post Share on other sites
Viber Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 I read it mate . Im also dreading the day. I think you should go to work! keep busy as much as you can. come home, go for a run or a fast paced walk, gym' just tire yourself out. Talk to your mates on the phone' treat yourself to some nice takeaway dinner and get some sleep. your not alone brother. Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Yeah, go to work. And reiterate to yourself that it is just a money grabbing invention day Its only like 12 hours of the day anyway, half spent at work, then the other, meet up with some friends, or get out your favourite boxset and just chill. Its natural that you will still be thinking of her, but, only with 100% no contact will you get over her faster. No 90-95%! Just post here to vent imo. You will get over her, we always do. Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 "...but I just know the memories will reappear. All of them. And they will torture me all day long." Absolutely, they will. You will be in total agony....and if you work at it hard enough, you can feel even worse than you have up until now. Like any other goal, it just takes focus, planning and dedication. Seriously...Can you not see that you are setting yourself up to feel miserable? Instead of looking for ways to alleviate your pain, you are making plans to wallow in it. In fact, you are allowing yourself to exaggerate to make yourself feel worse (i.e. "We always did VD..."--yeah, and if you were together 2.5 years, ALWAYS was TWICE!) You are already hurting, right? Then why are you focused on a date on your calendar and deciding that you're going to feel worse? Will she be any more "gone" than she is today? "...but that's what I'm already doing every "regular" day in an effort to take my mind off things." It IS just another "regular" day! And while hobbies, movies and staying busy may not be a "cure", they sure as hell haven't made things worse. So why are you so determined to change your routine in order to focus all your attention on making yourself more miserable? Why do you feel the need to exaggerate your loss? Why do you have your heart set (pun intended) on celebrating how lousy you feel and what you are missing? Let me tell you something--feeling worse will serve no good purpose. Whether you spend the day as you would any other or throw yourself one big pity party isn't going to make one iota of difference in how SHE is feeling. Taking the day off work and letting everyone know how bad you feel may get you some sympathy from your friends, but, really, is pity going to make it all better? Ask yourself what is your real motive? Do you think that you can prove to yourself and the world how much you love her by showing them how miserable you are willing to make yourself? Believe me, I understand that you are grieving a breakup and it hurts like hell. It's important to allow yourself to work through the emotions and it takes time. I'm not suggesting that you should spend Thursday denying how you feel (nor that it is even possible), but I am encouraging you not to set yourself up to feel worse. The bottom line is that Thursday IS a regular day, nothing more, nothing less...it is what you choose to make it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cdt76 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Considering I haven't spent Valentines day with anyoone special since my divorce in 2007, I was looking forward to this one. Now, all I can think about is all the "gifts" she is going to be getting from however many other guys and it makes me want to vomit and knock someone out! I'm so angry today. When I'm tired, I lose the ability to control the mind and it wanders and now I'm here today just out of my mind angry! Yesterday was a good day but today is not so good! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mcdo Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 you are allowing yourself to exaggerate to make yourself feel worse (i.e. "We always did VD..."--yeah, and if you were together 2.5 years, ALWAYS was TWICE!) You are already hurting, right? Then why are you focused on a date on your calendar and deciding that you're going to feel worse? Will she be any more "gone" than she is today? Good point, I guess I was adding up all the dates in my head - the birthdays and the celebratory occasions too. Thank god our birthdays are months away. Taking the day off work and letting everyone know how bad you feel may get you some sympathy from your friends, but, really, is pity going to make it all better? Ask yourself what is your real motive? Do you think that you can prove to yourself and the world how much you love her by showing them how miserable you are willing to make yourself? I certainly needed to hear that from someone, thanks. Attracting pity from those I work with is certainly not a way towards healing everything. The overall response appears to be in a similar vein - go to work, get on with it, don't treat it any different. It's funny, I already knew that would be the overall response - I guess I'm looking for a non-existent get out of jail free card for the day. There's a good chance I will be hanging around on this forum on that day anyway! Link to post Share on other sites
jovan Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 great... now am dreading it 2 Link to post Share on other sites
iouaname Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 I'm dreading it as well The weird thing is - I don't actually care about Valentine's Day. Even when I was not single, it was never a day that meant anything to me. I'm literally only dreading it because it exists and because I know that I'm not supposed to be dreading it I don't know what I have planned quite yet. I have class all day during the day and then at night I figure I will marathon as much television as possible. I'm thinking about shutting off my phone for the night just to keep myself from checking it non-stop all night... Link to post Share on other sites
cdt76 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 I get to make a 4 hour drive in my car to go to St. Louis to pick up my kids from the airport. So the 4 hour drive is going to absolutely drive me crazy! I guess I'll have to jam out to some Hollywood undead in order to get out some of my internal fire! Turning off your phone is a good idea. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
destroyed4sho Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 I am getting going out to dinner with a friend who is also going through a BU. I am looking forward to getting drunk and I'm going to stay over my friends place so I don't have to come home and face any reminders of her. Last year, my gf and I didn't do anything anyway, we just made up from fighting and she said she had to go to work. Then after, she didn't want to do anything. Maybe this year, if God has any mercy on me I will meet someone. Ewww, I dread going out and seeing couples holding hands and kissing everywhere. But then again, most of them will be broken up by next year too...lolol Link to post Share on other sites
316 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 I can't shake this mental image of my ex getting showered with gifts and having sex with other men out of my head. UGH I was doing so well this week too... **** Valentines. Link to post Share on other sites
cdt76 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 316, you and me both brother! I hope she has an allergic reaction to the flowers! Link to post Share on other sites
Own Worst Enemy Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 but it will be a silly evening of laughing and chips and lots of wine. you should get a friend to do something with you - there are lots of anti-valentines evenings around if you want to make a point, or otherwise just go out and have fun. on 15 feb you will be on here telling us that it was no better, no worse than any other day, honestly. fact: it is never ever the big things that upset us. it is always, always the little reminders. birthdays, valentines days, anniversaries are nothing compared to the wrong song on your ipod, heading past a spot where you kissed, something like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Joby72 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 great... now am dreading it 2 so am i Link to post Share on other sites
thekarmacist Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 [We always did VD..."--yeah, and if you were together 2.5 years, ALWAYS was TWICE!) You are already hurting, right? Then why are you focused on a date on your calendar and deciding that you're going to feel worse? Will she be any more "gone" than she is today? exactly. thank you for this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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