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He emailed me again today...


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I still love my ex. We were together 2 1/2 yrs and broke up 2 1/2 mos. ago. For the first month I was such a wreck...I could barely get out of bed. I begged and pleaded for him to take me back...I missed him so much, thought of him constantly, lost weight...I was so pathetic. The second month was also difficult but I stopped the begging. For the last year and a half of our relationship (when I moved in with him) things had gotten very difficult and we argued a lot. A lot of the problems we had were due to anger and resentment I had for other things that had happened. I don't want to get too into it, but I have let all of that go now. I know if we were to be together again, start a clean slate that we could have a great relationship. He doesn't want this, he claims he has moved on. He is moving next month to Seattle I will most likely be moving to Florida. Anyways, we hung out a couple weeks ago. I made it clear I was not over him, that I couldn't just be friends. He got mad and said I was agitating him. But as the day progressed we were like a couple again...holding hands, cuddling, handholding at dinner (he took me out to a nice restaurant), lots more cuddling at home, exchanging "I love yous", he called me by my pet name he used to call me, sex, cuddling in the morning. Then it was over and I had to go home. That afternoon I called, he was mean to me on the phone, said he needed space, I'm trying too hard, etc. etc...so I stopped...I said bye and that was it...I was truly hurt. He called, texted, emailed - apologizing for being mean. Finally I just emailed, it's ok, I forgive you. Anyways, I haven't been in touch really - we had planned to get together this past weekend, I did email to cancel. He asked if he'd ever see me again...I said I hope so, I don't know. Then an email saying how wonderful I am but his priority is to move on. (sorry if others read this before, I just wanted to give some background). It's now Monday, this was the weekend we were going to see each other...I was fine, I spent time with friends, went skiing, etc. He emailed me today how much he missed me this weekend. How he still thinks it's good we broke up b/c our relationship was unhealthy, but he thinks highly of me. He was remembering all the reasons he fell in love with me. He hopes we can find it in our hearts to stay friends...etc. etc. etc...it was a long email by his standards...he also wrote how he knows he needs to simplify his life, he had been stressed, he needs to be better with empathy.

 

It really hurt me to read it. I called my therapist (she is wonderful) and she said to just ignore it. I can't just be friends with him, I still love him too much and have romantic feelings for him. I don't want him to keep sending these types of emails, I also don't want to let him know how much they affect me...so I did what she said. I ignored it. I just don't know why he had to pour his heart out to me when he wants to just be friends (obviously he is ok with the priveledges part) I can't, I don't think I can ever just be friends with him. I love him way too much and want him way too much. :-((((( This just hurts bad, and more so b/c of that email I had to read today...which I've read quite a few times. I MISS HIM!!

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