church9832 Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 She just couldn't love me and she broke it off because it was unfair to me. Thing is I'm an understandable person and I know it was best for us. She likes me but doesn't think we would last, it was only two months. I wish it wasn't so near our birthdays. Just as I was starting to fall in love with her (it was her idea in the first place to persue a relationship, and I was iffy) it seems that the tables have turned I find that this is unfair by life, but life just ughhh... I really want to rant, but I'm just tired of all the hurt that comes from this. I understand but I still hurt you know. I just wish things were different. I pose the question, All my girlfriends that have dumped me seem to blame themselves instead of me :S Cause I do all the right things, like paying for dinner, driving them when they need too (I'm not abused in this) and treating them like a princess, but What I don't understand is, why makes me so easy to let go. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 do you comply with everything they want? Are you a 'people-pleaser'? Do you do things because you can, or because you want to be liked for it? Maybe they see you as too much of a push-over.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author church9832 Posted February 4, 2013 Author Share Posted February 4, 2013 do you comply with everything they want? Are you a 'people-pleaser'? Do you do things because you can, or because you want to be liked for it? Maybe they see you as too much of a push-over.... For example, my recent ex girlfriend. She was feeling weak, tired and sick and she was at work. So I got my dad to drop me off at her work, and drive her and her car back home. I wasn't going to let her drive and possibly crash due to fatigue I let her be as indepedient as she wants. I don't like being selfish Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 That doesn't really answer my question though, does it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author church9832 Posted February 4, 2013 Author Share Posted February 4, 2013 Sorry about the multi-post haha head isn't on a swivel. Anyway, Does being selfless count as a people pleaser? I mean i would like to think I'm selfless because helping others is a human doctorine that should be followed? :S I seem to put myself last before others, more. No matter how much it hurts because thats how I've been taught to be? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 That's counter-productive though if you do it all the time. Part of being a human being is survival, and occasionally, that means doing what you want because you want to. It may be an alien concept. to you.... But who 'taught' you to always put others first, and yourself last, "Even if it hurts"? Have you noted whether they always do it too? And when you persistently put others first, are you hoping for some gratitude, recognition, validation? In other words, do you have an 'agenda' or ulterior motive? Is there a desire there to be 'liked' more? Link to post Share on other sites
Author church9832 Posted February 4, 2013 Author Share Posted February 4, 2013 That's counter-productive though if you do it all the time. Part of being a human being is survival, and occasionally, that means doing what you want because you want to. It may be an alien concept. to you.... But who 'taught' you to always put others first, and yourself last, "Even if it hurts"? Have you noted whether they always do it too? And when you persistently put others first, are you hoping for some gratitude, recognition, validation? In other words, do you have an 'agenda' or ulterior motive? Is there a desire there to be 'liked' more? Years and Years of looking up to Jesus, (dw I'm not an over zealot Catholic, everyone has a right to their opinion). He took pain and suffering for helping others. I really don't look for an agenda, I just keep telling myself its the right thing to do Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 Yeah, but there's a difference between 'putting others first' and 'being a total patsy'. Jesus may have 'taken on pain and suffering for others', but he would rather not have done - so even there, there was a bit of rebellion.... I think you need to study 'selflessness' in more detail, because being considerate does not mean compromising who you are. Nowhere anywhere does it say that Jesus wants you for a doormat. I used to be a RCatholic, but I left of my own accord, and don't regret my move to Buddhism at all. And one year of Buddhism made me, personally, a better person than Catholicism ever did, in 30 years. I'm not for one moment suggesting you leave your calling - but you need to be more discerning and better-informed about what is expected of you as a Christian. For example, when Christ tells his followers to turn the other cheek, there is a message of passive defiance in there. Not many people know that. Most people think it just means 'don't retaliate'. Nothing could be further from the truth. You keep telling yourself 'it's the right thing to do' - but if it's not bringing positive or productive results, there's a flaw in the idea somewhere, isn't there...? I mean, something's not working, huh? Link to post Share on other sites
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