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If someone could please decipher this for me, I'd be eternally grateful.

 

My ex and I had a great 20 months together. This was his first serious relationship and he was head over heels right up until the end. We're both about to graduate college and I guess there has been some pressure on both of us to commit more to the other since we'd be moving to a different state next year to continue dating. We were pretty serious, you could say. His dad called me his "future daughter in-law" and his mom told me she loved me whenever we said good-bye. We discussed when we would get engaged and where we would live after graduation during my grad school/his working.

 

Then we broke up. His job prospects weren't looking great and he really has no idea what he's doing or where he'll be next year. He said he just couldn't handle a relationship right now when he was so unhappy with himself and wanted desperately to remain friends and keep doing all the friend things we had been doing as a couple. For a few days after the break up we were acting the exact same. He was holding my hand, calling before before, etc. Then I said I couldn't do it anymore and we needed space/treat this like a break up. He was hysterical and overly apologetic.

 

We've been in LC for a few weeks now. I initially wanted NC but we have mutual friends and live across the street from each other, making it difficult. A few times the breakup came up and he would say things like "couples get back together all the time and end up together" and "who knows, maybe down the road we'll grab coffee and get back together". Since we've been LC/NC, I haven't heard that as much and the break up is hitting me hard. He'll respond to my texts right away if I send one and answer my calls, and be the same nice, great guy I fell in love with. Sometimes I feel like it's really over, but others I'm not sure. He said if he could handle a relationship with anyone right now he'd want to be with me and only me, but he doesn't think he'll be ready for one for a couple years until he's in a secure place with his job (years...what?!)

 

He also seems like he might be depressed. We broke up 4 weeks ago and his two best friends haven't seen him since. One of them has been trying to see him every weekend but he always cancels to stay in by himself or he's been going home to his parents' on the weekend (which is over a 4 hour drive). He stayed in all weekend this weekend.

 

I have nooo idea what to do. I love him dearly and saw a real future with him. My gut tells me to wait out the semester and keep up hope that it's a phase and he's just stressed about all the uncertainty of next year. I'm not going to start dating anyone right before I graduate anyway, right? Then I feel like I should stop hoping he'll come around.

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destroyed4sho

He sounds like he cant handle a gf and his job situation at the same time...or he is deoressed and cant handle a relationship right now.not a good excuse tho. Even when you go through bad times if you really love the person you are with, they are the first person you should open up to and talk with to gain support. A relationahip should be a team effort. He doesnt seem to feel that way. Do NC.

 

I also think its a case of gigs too. Check out that thread.

Edited by destroyed4sho
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This doesn't make sense at all. I live in Europe and my family in Canada. When things are going well, I hardly call home. But when I am having a really hard time, am stressed, or have had my heartbroken then I call home everyday to my family and childhood friends because I need their support. When you love someone, you want them to be there when you are having a hard time in your life. It's an excuse. It should be obvious when he said, "maybe you can be together in a few years". If you love someone how could you wait that long to be with them????

 

YOu are making excuses to not go NC. He gets exactly what he wants if you stay friends with him. You'll be his friend until he meets a new girl.

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I did wonder if this could be a case of GIGS but I wasn't sure. Everything fits except he has no interest in going to see other women or "playing the field", he won't even leave his apartment (which he lives in alone). I'm perfectly fine giving him his space for now, I guess, but the possibility of this really being the end of things just overwhelms me! My mind won't stop racing.

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We are essentially in NC. I haven't directly stated "do not contact me" because quite frankly, I just don't agree with that way of handling things. I have stated that I'm not interested in being friends so we aren't really in contact anyway, simply because there's not much of a point right now. I'm a pretty strong believer that NC turns into a game and lends itself to foster a mores hostile environment than is necessary. He has never shown me any hostility, so I won't be showing him any either. There's definitely a way to have space and be dignified without being hostile or playing the NC game.

 

Also, I'm really not worried about him meeting another girl while we're "friends". We aren't friends and we aren't going to be; I'm not interested in being his friend. He doesn't leave his apartment to see his friends, let alone meet new women. Plus we're moving in 5 months so him starting a new relationship now would be a joke.

 

I'm wondering if anyone else has had a breakup because of depression? He's not only pushing me away, but his friends as well. I've never dated anyone who seemed so lost and unhappy with themselves while being completely in love (or claiming) and I'm not sure the best way to approach the situation :(

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