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For those residing in a dark cave


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Man, I am alone. I got a lot going for me, job, school, friends, family, and good health. But I have been plagued for years with severe clinical depression, anxiety, and ocd. I have seen therapists, take medication, and do all I can to stay mentally okay. But the truth is that I often am not okay- I go on this emotional roller coaster where I am alright one minute and feeling suicidally dark the next.

 

With the mental issues in mind, I recently went through a breakup with my first love. I lost my virginity to her, and she was the first girl I ever was in love with. I shared everything with her, as she did with me. She was beautiful and really loved me, and I loved her too. But she has a ton of issues herself, and it all unraveled over the final three months. Finally fell apart completely, and we have been doing NC for 10 days now. Most we have ever been out of contact since when we first met.

 

With my mental health already being an issue, this breakup has pushed me close to the edge. I cant quiet my mind, never could before and it has only gotten worse. I am seeing a therapist and all, so I am doing what I can. But does anyone have any advice? Any suggestions? Any chance to reach out at all? Thanks for anyone who takes the time to read this and/or reply.

 

I am 20 by the way.

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FailedFirstLove

I completely understand you. My ex is also first love and all since high school. It's been 4 years now. And I don't know if he will ever come back. And the roller coaster. Argh I'm not off the ride. The only time I feel like maye I'm ok if im thinking he will come back.

I broke Nc after a month. Not good. Didnt do anything. Doesn't bring him back.

It's really really tough and I'm barely hanging on. But you have to try. I started to feel exhausted from this ride now but for some reason I can't get off.

 

You made a good decision to go to a therapist. And I hope that helps you. I feel like ill be ending up there as well

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feel the same way- only times I feel okay is if I imagine she will text me telling me she misses me and has changed. But I am sure neither will happen. I know our mind make stuff up all the time, but mine is telling me that she probably doesnt even miss me. Sucks because I gave everything to that girl, only to be left alone in pain.

 

Feel pathetic and lost and a degree of anger. Made a mistake and looked at her fb and saw that she was recently friends with an old bf of hers. He even mentioned her in a comment about "remember this picture". It was nothing, and she replied innocently enough. But my OCD is killing me, and cant get out of the grip of mental torture.

 

Crazy. Get to a point where you are in so much pain that you are too tired to feel the pain.

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My advice take it or leave it.

 

How long have you been depressed (before the break-up)?

 

If it's been over a year stop looking for sympathy.

 

Set some goals in life which you can achieve in a 4-5 month span and continuously do this.

 

What do you want from life? How are you going to get here?

 

Does self-esteem or looks add to your depression? Start going to the gym and stop eating fast food.

 

I sympathize with you in-regards to your break-up, I really do. However time apart can be beneficial for the both of you. If it was meant to be then you two will work it out someday but too often we want things right away and make the situation worst.

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Fluoxetine 20mg per day, I'm 5 weeks in and it's slowly taking the edge off. My anxiety used to be so bad that I'd sweat, shake and have a rapid heartbeat throughout the day. Also I'd have a knot in my stomach so couldn't eat.

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My advice take it or leave it.

 

How long have you been depressed (before the break-up)?

 

If it's been over a year stop looking for sympathy.

 

Set some goals in life which you can achieve in a 4-5 month span and continuously do this.

 

What do you want from life? How are you going to get here?

 

Does self-esteem or looks add to your depression? Start going to the gym and stop eating fast food.

 

I sympathize with you in-regards to your break-up, I really do. However time apart can be beneficial for the both of you. If it was meant to be then you two will work it out someday but too often we want things right away and make the situation worst.

 

I have suffered from depression for about three years now, since before I met my ex. But I met her in high school, and it got a lot worse in college for me. I am very active- funny I am actually a personal trainer currently working in two gyms. I think I have self-esteem issues, even though I consider myself a good looking, in shape individual. I eat really well. But your right, I got to figure out what I want in life. Because all too often, I want to give in. Been fighting for what seems like forever. Simply to be ok.

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Gru-

 

You sound a lot like me. Most consider me quite successful as well- played soccer at the youth professional level, always done well in school, make good money for my age, and have good friends and family. But even though I know all this, I still struggle every day to simply feel "okay". I think your advice is really valuable, and I am going to try and implement all of it. My problem lies in feeling alone- I just wish I could have a little coach on my shoulder helping me through. Because this is a tough fight. And losing the girl at this time in my life has been tough on me, especially my obsessive compulsive disorder. Truth is though, your right. I need to focus on me now anyways, and if she is meant to come back around she will. Wish we could be friends, you sound like a cool guy.

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On Amazon they have meditation mp3's you can download to your mp3 player for dirt cheap. You can even listen to a sample before you purchase. Anything from depression...self confidence...anxiety. Sometimes, I listen before I go to bed. My fave: Deepak Chopra. His voice is very soothing and what he has to say is well...pretty deep!

 

Diet and exercise also helps extremely.

 

Good luck to you, as a fellow depression suffer myself, I understand the dark moods and days that seem to be endless while struggling with heartbreak. Try to think of a path that leads to peace and happiness....and follow it!

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