! I feel so awful!!!! I feel like I never mattered at all!

[Michellinda]

So it was a mutual break up like I posted 2 1/2 years with him but we got into a huge fight and both decided to end things. I wanted things to work but he wasnt changing. He smokes pot everyday, drinks every other day and occasionally does coke. I saw him last sat to get some of my stuff from his place. He told me he already started dating some girl and slept with her. That felt like a punch in the gut. He still proceeded to try to have sex with me and asked me to sleep over. I didn't. He said lets get together Friday. I agreed. Haven't heard a word since last Sunday. Today I stupidly look at the girls twitter And she recommends a movie that's one of his favorites. So I know she probably was with him this weekend. I can't stop crying and feeling like I am going to faint. How can someone move on so quickly? I don't get it. Did I not mean anything to him?

[FailedFirstLove]

his a complete jerk it's so crapppy that you have To his through this pain. I think when you mutually ended it you should have cut him out of your life. Some people have the ability to move on fast cause they were able to emotionally disconnect before the relationship ended. You shouldn't be looking at what will hurt you and prevent you from moving on. he can do whatever he wants and yes u will care but one day u won't. That girl has your left overs that wasnt worth keeping. Just think of it as giving your unwanted things to charity.

[fabi20]

sounds like a low life to me...why would you want to be with someone so irresponsible, and immature. i was with someone like this for 5 years, from 20-25...it should have only lasted 2 yrs tops, but i kept thinking he's a nice guy deep down and nobody understands him like i do....forward to the present and that relationship caused me to lose out on a really good guy who treated me like GOLD....that 5 years relationship made me so toxic and cynical that i ruined my 2 year relationship with someone who was the complete opposite of the guy i was with for 5 years....PLEASE PLEASE don't waste your time with this one...let other girls have him so they can cry over him and be treated with so little respect...if he was a good guy he would not have done what he did..don't try to fix him or think he makes you happy, bc he doesn't

[Eddie Edirol]

He moved on a long time ago, and you didnt see the signs sooner, thats kinda your fault. Youre a woman, youre supposed to be more intuitive than that. Youre also torturing yourself by looking at the new girls twitter, so you asked for the punch in the gut. Hes a loser druggie, be happy he isnt stalking you! IS it just your ego that is hurt that he is able to move on and youre not?

[Michellinda]

Thank you all for responding. Feel so much anxiety and all of you are right. I need to let go. A part of me wanted him to come after me and make the changes which would benefit him. It also is my ego hurting. I need to move on and be positive. Thank you, tonight was super hard for me needed good honest advice.

[Leigh 87]

Oh man, you must feel terrible!

 

Unfrotunately, most men who are FULLY, crazily in love with you, will NOT go and date another women within a few months of the break up.

 

2 months minumum is what is requires ofr MOST men who are still in love with their ex, to move on and date others.

 

Like the others said: he would have HAD to have already lost feelings for you before he broke up with you.

 

Trust me on this one: a guy who is really into a girl, cannot just go and hook up and/or date a new person so soon, IF they truly love you a lot.

[Leigh 87]

I am so sorry for what your going through!

 

This guy you speak of is a jerk. I am not just saying that because he broke up with you - based on what he did, only a LOW QUALITY person would be able to do what he did.

 

Look, a DECENT man, who is kind and considerate of others feelings, would not leave you out of the blue, and date a new women so soon:lmao:

 

If he has half a brain and is caring about others -a man will normally tell you SOON after he looses feelings for you!

 

A decent man who knows himself well and wants the best for you and to hurt you minimally, will not stay with you for months if he totally loses feelings for you.

 

He would have the brains to think "okay, I am no longer into this girl or I never really was actually, the best thing for her is for me to let her go and fine someone who is into her"

 

 

 

...........The way your ex went about the break up is totally stupid, careless, and shows your ex is really not self aware OR just does not care about you.

[Michellinda]

I broke up with him and he agreed. He was begging me to live with him but within the first few days of living together we had a huge fight so I decide to end things and he agreed. When he texted me I will always love you let me know when we can get your things back to you. I went there and you should have seen his expression so happy to see me kept saying he still loves me but then we were hanging together and as the night progressed he proceeded to say he slept with someone already. Made me sick and now the new discovery today hurt more.

[iouaname]

I struggled with this a lot, too. The way I try to think about it is that I still matter. Whether I matter to him or not, I still matter.

[Leigh 87]

I don't know, I find it really fascinating trying to figure our what love is about.

 

To me, I would think the strongest love would not allow one that feells it, to just hook up and sleep with a new person so soon.

But really - how can anyone on here guarantee that they can... somehow measure his love for you?

I just feel with my own partner, that he would only be able to do that to me if he stopped feeling as strongly about me.

 

I just feel, instinctively, that he would not be able to get with other people, while being into me.

 

But nothing is a sure thing in life: plenty of times someone can be totally sure of how a guy feels about them, only to be wrong.

 

 

..I guess you gotta go on actions, and what your ideals are: do you think that a guy who is MADLY in love with you, in the absolute deepest sense, would be able to do what he did to you?

That is not to say he does not love you on any level:) Of course, he must care for you to some degree - he liked and cared for you enough to want to live with you and therefore be around you a lot.

You know, it does not sound like he wanted to move in for convenience, he obviously thought he loved you.

 

Just learn from thia that people can love you in different ways, and YOU need a man who loves you so much, and in such a way, that makes them NOT able to just go and hook up with new people:sick::sick:

 

The way this guy cares for you and regarded you is not working for you, come on now, I can tell you want a man who sort of... follows through with his actions... and SHOWS that he cannot just hook up right away after you break up with him.

 

..................

 

Ihave had breaks with my partner, as I am mentally all over the place, and I have genuine life changes to focus on. We are pretty much together, but just have time for me to learn to NOT sabbotage our loving relationship.

 

Anyhow, during our times apart, which have included several holidays, 3 overseas trips apart - we could NEVER just get with other people. Just no.

 

Personally, I need a guy who feels that particular way about me. That is not to say your partner felt less strongly, as no one can measure the intensity of love, between different partners.

 

I just need my guy to NOT be able to move on ultra fast.

[Michellinda]

I totally agree with you Leigh. Just shocked because the last thing I want to do right now is get with someone else. Thanks for your insight and yes this is not the type of guy I want.