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Need some encouragement......


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 8th January 2013, 1:51 PM   #1
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Need some encouragement......

Its been 7 weeks since the BU I am a mess today I feel like I did the first week of the break up. Everyday feels more and more depressing as our lives drift apart more and more with each day. She is with her new guy and I am just some past relationship. But I still am very much in love with her. I am a mess once again. I was coping for awhile but I have fallen apart again. I am taking Xanax just to sleep and I am zombie I am messing up in work. I am shaking and pacing constantly. I am in therapy but once a week does not help. I have exhausted all of my friends ears as to what I have been feeling. I always thought myself a strong man but this BU has crushed me. I know now how people can get suicidal. I would never get that bad but at least I have "looked" into the pit of despair that others have fallen into. Before this BU I haven't cried since my father was in for heart surgery and I thought I would lose him. I feel like crying right now. I am just so devastated. I feel so lost. I am so sad. I fear I will start cracking up.

I was LC last week just idol chit chat. I got some satisfaction from that even though it was weird as it was as if I don't really know her anymore. She went off to spend the weekend at her BF's house and I knew she would not contact me when she got back and she didn't. But I wanted to start over with NC anyway but today I am falling apart. I can't function I get no relief from anything.

Please friends help me, tell me I will feel better with NC. I need some reassurance. I can't see the light at the end of tunnel. I have no joy right now. I think I fallen into what they call "obsessive love". If so, I will not recover for a long time. Please help everyone I need some words of encouragement.
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Old 8th January 2013, 2:08 PM   #2
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The key of going NC is to STAY NC! Don't just say "Oh I'm going NC... ooo! a text from her! She wants to know how I'm doing? How sweet! Let me respond and ask her how she's doing and get into a long drawn out conversation with her only to find out she's happier without me"

Words of encouragement? It does get better. It's still early. NC gets easier. (then it gets harder) then it gets easier again. It's a roller coaster of emotions. They aren't kidding when they say that. If you want to cry. Then cry. Grieve like hell. Listen to depressing music. I found that even I needed to do that last week and I've been NC for 2 months now. Eventually you won't be able to cry anymore, and you'll go on with your life for a while. Then the feelings might come back. If they do? Cry again.

You probably won't do this, but I figure I'll suggest it anyway. If you find yourself waiting for her to contact you. Block her ass! What does she have to say to you that will make you feel better? She's got a new boyfriend, so she won't come back to you. Maybe she'll want to be friends? How does that sound? You get to hear all about how great her new guy is and hear about the little fights that they're having! Yeah... Not happening. Try to keep busy when you can. Have a hobby? Do what you like doing. It will keep your mind off of things for maybe an hour or twenty minutes.

So yeah. It gets better. You'll get better, the key is wanting to get better, and doing what you need to do to get better. The second part is the most important.
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Old 8th January 2013, 2:10 PM   #3
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Of course it will get better mate. Im 31 days NC and was 30 days NC 2 weeks before that. I was at rock bottom like you. But im much better and stronger now. But you gotta force youreslf from imagining what she is doing with her boyfriend. Literally shout 'NO' to yourself when your mind starts wondering off again.
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Old 8th January 2013, 2:35 PM   #4
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Thanks guys I needed to hear all of this. I thought by now I would be better but we started to contact each other again out of the blue and now even though I'm 7 weeks in its like week one again.

I just don't see an end to this. I don't need to block her as I know she won't contact me again. I think she just wanted to take a peak at what I was up to. We are already unfriended me on FB and I won't go check out her site that I can be sure of.

trust me I am NC again for good. No contact we had over the 7 weeks changed anything and I am resigned that I just need to finally get over her. So sad. We could have been great. I still kick myself for not trying to work it out when she first BU with me. But hey if she was going to go there was nothing I could have done to stop her.
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Old 8th January 2013, 2:42 PM   #5
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Quote:
we started to contact each other again
WELP. There's your problem.

Quote:
I just don't see an end to this. I don't need to block her as I know she won't contact me again.
I think she just wanted to take a peak at what I was up to. We are already unfriended me on FB and I won't go check out her site that I can be sure of.

You don't know that. I thought my ex wouldn't contact me again. Then she did. She might contact you again. Just won't tell you what you want to hear.

Quote:
I still kick myself for not trying to work it out when she first BU with me. But hey if she was going to go there was nothing I could have done to stop her.
It doesn't matter if YOU try to work it out. We all tried to work it out with our exes. We wanted to talk about things instead of having them leave us. The reality is that it's up to THEM! If THEY don't want us, then there's nothing that we can do about it. This is how I try to look at it at least.
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Old 8th January 2013, 2:42 PM   #6
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I just posted this advice on another thread.

The 1st 3 or 4 weeks NC are pure hell. You are an addict goin thru witdrawl. You need to stay NC and get thru these few weeks day by day hour by hour. I felt like i was losing my mind the 1st month. Complete and total madness and it felt like 3 years.

...but if you stay NC time will return to normal and you will come out of it..3 more weeks ok? Don't crack and break NC or it will start again. This is pure survival time.

After 3-4 weeks you enter different stage...time goes back to normal and you can sorta function. Still hard but not as hard.
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Old 8th January 2013, 2:53 PM   #7
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ahhh this is like reading about my day- i havent had meds but i burst out crying several times at work today and called the doctor, they wouldn't give me an appointemt as they said it wasn't an emergency, since the minute i woke up this morning i have thought about him, 'he will be at work now' ............'he is on his lunch break'..... 'he finishes in an hour' i wonder if he is thinkin this incessantly about me.... probably not! its killing me and im dying to reactivate my facebook page to look at his updates for 5 minutes but i can't bear it.. what if they are happy and he seems fine? i will be like a million times worse! i cant face it! Day 3 and im worse than yesterday...... im dying for a text not to reply to but just to know that he actua;;y cares.... before the break up he said he will always love me but i am losing my mind and now i dont know if i cn beleive these words.. i seriously need medicated 3 days no sleep at working all day is just as hard- vortex i completely empathise i know what you;re goin through
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Old 8th January 2013, 3:04 PM   #8
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Also try getting on your knees and praying and say what you are grateful for...ask higher power what ever it is for you for strength to get thru this. It helped.

I'm not even religious..sorta spiritual on occasion ...but it was that bad...i knelt..just give up the fight accept defeat...stop fighting to save the relationship..even in your mind

It gets better! Promise!

Last edited by cavalier99; 8th January 2013 at 3:07 PM..
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Old 8th January 2013, 3:16 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by tinkerbash View Post
ahhh this is like reading about my day- i havent had meds but i burst out crying several times at work today and called the doctor, they wouldn't give me an appointemt as they said it wasn't an emergency, since the minute i woke up this morning i have thought about him, 'he will be at work now' ............'he is on his lunch break'..... 'he finishes in an hour' i wonder if he is thinkin this incessantly about me.... probably not! its killing me and im dying to reactivate my facebook page to look at his updates for 5 minutes but i can't bear it.. what if they are happy and he seems fine? i will be like a million times worse! i cant face it! Day 3 and im worse than yesterday...... im dying for a text not to reply to but just to know that he actua;;y cares.... before the break up he said he will always love me but i am losing my mind and now i dont know if i cn beleive these words.. i seriously need medicated 3 days no sleep at working all day is just as hard- vortex i completely empathise i know what you;re goin through
Tinker I hear you, Yes go get meds even if just to sleep. The "no sleep" will wear you down to nothing. Just keep posting and talking with whoever you can.

The beginning is the worst as you are used to contacting that person and you know where they are every minute of every day. Trust me I was always hoping. I even called me ex went to see her we talked we cried we tried the mundane friend text thing. But guess what in the end she is with him and not me. Try not to keep hoping it just lead sot more disappointment. I guess the only thing that helped me was thinking of past relationships where I was distraught over a break and realize I could care less what those people are doing now.

It just so hard to see yourself getting there with person you most recently broke up with. My story is worse though. as I knew her for years and she was a neighbor and even moved away for two years and and hadn't seen or spoke to her during that time (we weren't officially dating at that tine just flirting etc) She had to move for a job and hour away. But the funny thing was I thought of her for the whole time she moved away. We hooked up again in FB several years ago and the relationship started at that point and has lasted for years until now. So, If i missed her for those two years I know I will still miss for another two years now that we had a real relationship.
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Old 8th January 2013, 3:18 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by tinkerbash View Post
ahhh this is like reading about my day- i havent had meds but i burst out crying several times at work today and called the doctor, they wouldn't give me an appointemt as they said it wasn't an emergency, since the minute i woke up this morning i have thought about him, 'he will be at work now' ............'he is on his lunch break'..... 'he finishes in an hour' i wonder if he is thinkin this incessantly about me.... probably not! its killing me and im dying to reactivate my facebook page to look at his updates for 5 minutes but i can't bear it.. what if they are happy and he seems fine? i will be like a million times worse! i cant face it! Day 3 and im worse than yesterday...... im dying for a text not to reply to but just to know that he actua;;y cares.... before the break up he said he will always love me but i am losing my mind and now i dont know if i cn beleive these words.. i seriously need medicated 3 days no sleep at working all day is just as hard- vortex i completely empathise i know what you;re goin through
Tinker I wish there was a way we could contact each other. It would be great to be able to share a friendly ear. Let me know maybe we can Skype or something.
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Old 8th January 2013, 3:25 PM   #11
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yeah im kinda similar the guy i just broke uo with was my first ever boyfriend when i was 16 we broke up after a few years of an on-off relationship madly in love and best friends i moved to spain and i returned we had both moved on both had children from other relationships, i am now 24 and it felt like fate that we ended up together again! how wrong was I ! I am being cruelly punished for trying to make things work with my only true love, If he felf like this he would contact me right? I need to send his phone back to him (I'm posting it not dropping it off) ive written like 10 letters to put in but i know that if i do i will probably regret it! I really need to call the doctors in the morning yeah Work today was soul destroyin felt like i was sleep-walking through my day. Your story is so similar to mine except I am on day 3 and i have no idea if my ex has met someone else, although unless he cheated i seriously doubt it because he works such long hours, Im losing my mind i can't find anything but this to occupy myself when im not at work and my nights are so quiet. i have his trousers next to my bed where he left them and i can't move them, every billboard every song reminds me of him, and i jump when i get a text only for my heart to sink that it isnt him!!! WHY IS THIS SO FREAKING HARD! surely i must have been ecil in a previous life to deserve such torment! he even said when we got back together we were clearly meant to be getting back after all these years, I have always felt the same and never covered up the tattoo i got for his 18th birthday.... sorry for going on too long on your thread I just have no-one else to listen.
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Old 8th January 2013, 3:27 PM   #12
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Coping, you have stuck out in my mind since i joined as being very down and depressed. Trust me mate, i was right where you were for 1 month solid back in NOvember. I am doing so much better today, but, like you i still get caught off guard and getting very sad/depressed.. But, trust me, stick with it man. I mean, just look how happy i seem in my avatar. Go look at yourself in the mirror and LOVE YOU. F### our exe's, they are the past.
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"

Last edited by fixing; 8th January 2013 at 3:29 PM..
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Old 8th January 2013, 3:34 PM   #13
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Coping, you have stuck out in my mind since i joined as being very down and depressed. Trust me mate, i was right where you were for 1 month solid back in NOvember. I am doing so much better today, but, like you i still get caught off guard and getting very sad/depressed.. But, trust me, stick with it man. I mean, just look how happy i seem in my avatar. Go look at yourself in the mirror and LOVE YOU. F### our exe's, they are the past.
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"
Yes I am depressed but just over this relationsipship. Not in general. This has thrown me for a loop. I mean 2 days before she BU with me we were Xmas shopping and had a blast. Apparently is what something that was brewing in her but I had no idea at the time. I know we had some planning to do that she was looking for me to move on but I didn't think that had caused her to reach critical mass just yet. Plus as I said in earlier post the puzzle pieces are starting to suggest she had started texting some guy and she decided to break up with me to go out with him. She has low self esteem and she must have been swayed by some guy hitting on her in a bar. She claims that it was 2 weeks after she BU with me but it makes no sense she would BU out of the blue.
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Old 8th January 2013, 3:36 PM   #14
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yeah im kinda similar the guy i just broke uo with was my first ever boyfriend when i was 16 we broke up after a few years of an on-off relationship madly in love and best friends i moved to spain and i returned we had both moved on both had children from other relationships, i am now 24 and it felt like fate that we ended up together again! how wrong was I ! I am being cruelly punished for trying to make things work with my only true love, If he felf like this he would contact me right? I need to send his phone back to him (I'm posting it not dropping it off) ive written like 10 letters to put in but i know that if i do i will probably regret it! I really need to call the doctors in the morning yeah Work today was soul destroyin felt like i was sleep-walking through my day. Your story is so similar to mine except I am on day 3 and i have no idea if my ex has met someone else, although unless he cheated i seriously doubt it because he works such long hours, Im losing my mind i can't find anything but this to occupy myself when im not at work and my nights are so quiet. i have his trousers next to my bed where he left them and i can't move them, every billboard every song reminds me of him, and i jump when i get a text only for my heart to sink that it isnt him!!! WHY IS THIS SO FREAKING HARD! surely i must have been ecil in a previous life to deserve such torment! he even said when we got back together we were clearly meant to be getting back after all these years, I have always felt the same and never covered up the tattoo i got for his 18th birthday.... sorry for going on too long on your thread I just have no-one else to listen.
Tinker keep on posting don't stop. Trust me posting has been the only thing to keep my sanity. That and friends. Although I have pretty much used up all my friends ears. I'm sure they are sick of hearing my whining by now. So this is the best place to vent. keep posting Tinker!!!!!!
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Old 8th January 2013, 3:56 PM   #15
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Tinker keep on posting don't stop. Trust me posting has been the only thing to keep my sanity. That and friends. Although I have pretty much used up all my friends ears. I'm sure they are sick of hearing my whining by now. So this is the best place to vent. keep posting Tinker!!!!!!
Yeah Tinker, start a thread so we can listen to you and help.
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