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Why do I feel worse?


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NC hasn't been easy and I've been using this website as my diary lol. For some reason, I've felt worse since coming home from the movies last night. I saw Django Unchained (which is a great movie. I recommend seeing it if you haven't :cool:)

 

Anyway, I got home last night and felt like crap. I actually ended up crying concerning the breakup for the first time in over two months. My curiosity was killing me. I wanted to check her facebook. Check her twitter. Even wanted to message her. Just update myself on her life. I sat there and wondered who she was dating now. Was she still with the guy she cheated on me for? As far as I knew, he didn't even like her like her like she thought. Has she found another guy? How does she go from guy to guy so easily? Does she ever actually love them? Or just need to say that she loves someone?

 

I felt like because I blocked her number and told her to leave me alone, I pushed her further away. She'll want nothing to do with me ever again. I'll be seen as this "bad guy" that I'm really not. Blocking her and telling her to leave me alone was for me. Not her. I don't know if anyone could heal when they get calls and texts late at night that say things like "I miss you" "We need to talk"

 

Last week, I was feeling better than I am this week. Any reason? Or is it another example of the emotional roller coaster I'm on?

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You are still going through the motions.

 

Just keep moving forward. You will get over her and one day she will be a weak memory in your mind.

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Dude, this is completely normal. You finally blocked her and in some way...you liked getting those breadcrumb texts because at least THEN you knew she was still thinking about you. Now, you have no way of knowing. And that's what got you down.

 

But, you have to remember this...SHE CHEATED ON YOU!!!!!!! She pretty much let people talk smack about you and didn't defend you in any way, shape or form. In fact, I speculate that she laughed along with them at your expense. Lord knows what she told people about your relationship, intimate details and lies about you to other people.

 

And you want to get upset over someone that would do that to you?!?!?!

 

 

Keep on moving forward dude!!!!!!

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Coping Vortex

Dude, I'm with you. I thought after 6 weeks I would be better. But I am actually worse this week. Some bread crumbs didn't help my situation. I wrote about it in another post. All I can say is this. It sucks!!!!!! It just sucks!!!!! Things were so good just 6 weeks ago. I really wished I could let her go. She is all excited about her new man. Its fresh its exciting etc. for her Sounds like she had a great birthday party. All without me. Great. Now I feel even worse.

 

This roller coaster sucks it really does. We all feel helpless. I was never happier in my life than I was 6 weeks ago. Now I feel the worst I ever felt in my life. I had many break up in my life this has been the absolute worst. I let myself go with the woman fully. I guess i can't fight her low self esteem that caused her to love the flirting and the attention the men paid to her in a bar a few weeks ago. She admitted she loved it.

 

I would have treated her and her kids like gold. Now she is in a rebound relationship. Funny even it it did fail the cosmic tumblers have fallen into place and I don't see us having another chance to make it work. funny how life works like that in a minute your life can change forever.

 

Given the right sequence of events we could have been together for ever. if she only warned me about how she was feeling when she BU up with me I could have addressed it before we got to that point. It would have been easily fixable. She just didn't communicate with me.

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I told you you would feel like sh*t after blocking (but it was for the best). I also cried like 2 days ago for the 1st time in well over a month. Every time this happen i feel like i heal more. It is just the process of letting go and mourning.

 

I feel great today! Don't break NC. You are facing reality finally and healing. Slug it out thru the pain. Cav

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Dude, this is completely normal. You finally blocked her and in some way...you liked getting those breadcrumb texts because at least THEN you knew she was still thinking about you. Now, you have no way of knowing. And that's what got you down.

 

But, you have to remember this...SHE CHEATED ON YOU!!!!!!! She pretty much let people talk smack about you and didn't defend you in any way, shape or form. In fact, I speculate that she laughed along with them at your expense. Lord knows what she told people about your relationship, intimate details and lies about you to other people.

 

And you want to get upset over someone that would do that to you?!?!?!

 

 

Keep on moving forward dude!!!!!!

 

You're right. I lose sight of these things when I'm missing her which is why I need people on here to remind me of it. She probably didn't pull any punches either, telling them personal things or just things that I wouldn't want anyone to know about. She probably did laugh with them, she was mad at me when she was doing all of this. The thing is, I don't know why. They weren't good reasons at all. (I know that's typical for ME to say, but I'm serious)

 

I told her these things. Why? I trusted her! Gah that's so f*cking frustrating how she gets away with all of it and I'm left in the dirt. Then she has the audacity to come back and say stuff like "I know we ended on bad terms but I'd like to be friends". Really? I'm glad you want to work on our relationship almost 3 months later...

 

She had so many more problems both physically and mentally that I could have told my friends. Crazy things about her while we were having sex, things that if you told me about without her name attached I'd probably throw up after hearing. My friends told me she was crazy, but were happy if I was happy. My family thought she was a strange bird. She didn't like cursing and I'm Italian so I swear like a sailor. One of my cousins told me that was a red flag. We're in college, she needs to grow up with that. Nope. I ignored it. I was head over heels in love with this person and was willing to do whatever it took, so I tried to tone it down. I made myself into her b*tch because I just didn't want her to go anywhere. I told myself, I'll never dump her and if she doesn't dump me like she said she wouldn't, then I'm set. We can enjoy college together, get married. Then reality hit me. I'm 18, she's 19. I traded my self respect for verification from someone who wasn't as into as she said.

 

alright, just needing to vent. again.

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Hey! Vent away!! A lot of times writing it out helps put things in perspective. Do whatever you need to do to maintain NC.

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Dude, I'm with you. I thought after 6 weeks I would be better. But I am actually worse this week. Some bread crumbs didn't help my situation. I wrote about it in another post. All I can say is this. It sucks!!!!!! It just sucks!!!!! Things were so good just 6 weeks ago. I really wished I could let her go. She is all excited about her new man. Its fresh its exciting etc. for her Sounds like she had a great birthday party. All without me. Great. Now I feel even worse.

 

This roller coaster sucks it really does. We all feel helpless. I was never happier in my life than I was 6 weeks ago. Now I feel the worst I ever felt in my life. I had many break up in my life this has been the absolute worst. I let myself go with the woman fully. I guess i can't fight her low self esteem that caused her to love the flirting and the attention the men paid to her in a bar a few weeks ago. She admitted she loved it.

 

I would have treated her and her kids like gold. Now she is in a rebound relationship. Funny even it it did fail the cosmic tumblers have fallen into place and I don't see us having another chance to make it work. funny how life works like that in a minute your life can change forever.

 

Given the right sequence of events we could have been together for ever. if she only warned me about how she was feeling when she BU up with me I could have addressed it before we got to that point. It would have been easily fixable. She just didn't communicate with me.

 

Your life really can change forever in a minute. The optimistic way to look at it is to figure that if it can change for the worse in a minute. It can also change for the better in a minute. To think that the one we love can leave like that. I don't know about you, but if you told me a week before my ex broke up with me, that she was going to break up with me. I'd ask you what you were on and if I could have some. Life is crazy like that. If it can change for the worse that quick, it can change for the better that quick.

 

I think that we all could have been together with our ex's forever. If the problems of the relationship were addressed instead of being bottled up. If they communicated their problems and we were willing to address them. They wouldn't need to go elsewhere. We're not psychic so unless the "signs" are blatantly obvious, them telling us everything is great and that they love us and never want us to leave them doesn't do much for us.

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hey man. Chin up son. It is the emotional rollercoaster. Dont check any of her social network profiles. Get it into your head, she CHEATED ON YOU, its the worst offence a partner can commit. I know, i am going through the same. Keep reminding your self of how awful she has treated you. B :mad: itch

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hey man. Chin up son. It is the emotional rollercoaster. Dont check any of her social network profiles. Get it into your head, she CHEATED ON YOU, its the worst offence a partner can commit. I know, i am going through the same. Keep reminding your self of how awful she has treated you. B :mad: itch

 

My curiosity just kills me at times lol. I know it would hurt no matter what I saw. The longer I go not checking on it, the more curious I get. I want to know who she's dating now, but if I find out, I'll feel worse than I feel now even though I know she doesn't owe me anything and she can date whoever she wants. She was apparently allowed to do whatever she wanted when she was still with me. :mad:

 

No loyalty...

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Healing is not linear. You will have low moments and bad days, but do not get discouraged! What you're feeling is completely normal. You cared for her and now that she's gone your mind is trying to fill in the gaps as to what she is doing and where she is but doesn't have the information... and that is OK. Accept that you don't need this information to move on. Push through the hard times, they get easier.

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My curiosity just kills me at times lol. I know it would hurt no matter what I saw. The longer I go not checking on it, the more curious I get. I want to know who she's dating now, but if I find out, I'll feel worse than I feel now even though I know she doesn't owe me anything and she can date whoever she wants. She was apparently allowed to do whatever she wanted when she was still with me. :mad:

 

No loyalty...

 

Exactly, cheating whore. Who did not care about your feelings when she consciously made the decision to betray you. She is not worthy of you sir. And, you know 10000% if you go snooping on her profiles, you basically breaking no contact right? You will be back to square one man, do not hurt yourself for a cheating skank :mad:

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Healing is not linear. You will have low moments and bad days, but do not get discouraged! What you're feeling is completely normal. You cared for her and now that she's gone your mind is trying to fill in the gaps as to what she is doing and where she is but doesn't have the information... and that is OK. Accept that you don't need this information to move on. Push through the hard times, they get easier.

 

I did care for her. Probably too much. and as much as I want to know what she's up to. I don't wish her the best. I learned last month that she was in danger of failing two classes and losing her scholarship and was happy as could be. So do I really still love her if I don't want her to be happy without me? It's not right for me to feel this way, but I do.

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I did care for her. Probably too much. and as much as I want to know what she's up to. I don't wish her the best. I learned last month that she was in danger of failing two classes and losing her scholarship and was happy as could be. So do I really still love her if I don't want her to be happy without me? It's not right for me to feel this way, but I do.

 

You might not love her as you once did, but you still care. If you didn't care, you'd be indifferent. Wanting her to be unhappy means you're angry with her and you would like to see her fall smack on her face so she can feel pain too.

I get it.

 

Try to maintain NC. I know it's hard, but try. Good luck.

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Coping Vortex

I can't bring myself to go anywhere near her FB page. She unfriended me. She never did that even with two past break ups. I don't know if she blocked me all together but she probably did. I don't how you can even want to look at it. I just know my ex will have tons of pics of her at her birthday party that her friend threw for her along with pics of her new man. I can't stomach to even go there. Don't torture yourself dude. It will hurt that much more.

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You're both right. I just want her to feel pain too. I feel like she wasn't affected at all. (okay she checked out early before dumping me. I get it) But once I was actually gone it was that much of a relief? You're that happy about enjoying college without me? It makes me feel so worthless. She'd rather just keep me around as a "friend". She has millions of "friends". People she calls friends that she really only bothers with when it's convenient or she's bored. It hurts me so much to think about. My first semester was torture after she dumped me. I was more motivated at home to work harder, but at school I stopped participating and moped around every day.

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RogerWallace111

she sounds pretty f*ckin wack man. not that that helps much with the pain you're going through.

 

The roller coaster analogy is cliche but spot-on. I'm almost four months out and through the holidays I've been thinking about her & feeling more consistently down than I have since the first month (minus a few off days here and there). And though mine didn't cheat (it was a tumultuous on/off the past year), I, like you, have a plenty of logical reasons I should be happy for her absence. I could list a dozen no sweat, but bottom line is she's not the ideal girl for me, by a long shot. It's so f*cked how your heart can just ignore your brain ! Sh*t, the last 1.5 years of our 3.5 year relationship I was constantly bored with it and thinking things like "why am i dating this chick ?" & "she's too mainstream & quaint for me". I was even tempted to break up with her on several occasions, with little-to-no fear of it. Yet when the heartache hits, reminding myself of that does almost nothing to assuage it. I did/said multiple things to pretty much force the downfall of my relationship, and to this day am honestly more relieved than heartbroken 90% of the time, yet when that sh*t hits it hits hard.

 

And as you were kinda talking about, one of the worst parts is wondering how easily you'll be "replaced", and feeling like her current/future pursuits might somehow detract from what you two had. Or feeling like you were a placeholder and she would have been saying the same things to any guy...

 

Buuut, that's where you come into play. And if you know you're a dope motherf*cker then that's that !

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RogerWallace111

And I also can relate on wanting her to feel pain too. In certain ways I think my ex is more f*cked up than me, but I know she deals with it in a more level-headed way and is able to sweep things under the rug. Sh*t, she wanted me to marry her, etc, and it was when I said I didn't see that happening that things started to crumble. She works a ton though, started smoking lots of dank during one of our previous breakups, has a bunch of **** to deal with... My point being that I think she's in this routine, constantly stoned, and is probably able to keep thoughts of me relatively tucked away. I work fulltime too but my job gives me a lot more time to think...

 

Anyway, who gives a f*ck what she's thinking

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My curiosity just kills me at times lol. I know it would hurt no matter what I saw. The longer I go not checking on it, the more curious I get. I want to know who she's dating now, but if I find out, I'll feel worse than I feel now even though I know she doesn't owe me anything and she can date whoever she wants. She was apparently allowed to do whatever she wanted when she was still with me. :mad:

 

No loyalty...

 

After my ex bf cheated on me and I went NC, I went through the same thing. Finally, I realized that since I was having such a hard time to not let my imagination get the best of me, maybe I could use it to my benefit. So, Instead of wondering what he was doing and thinking, I began to tell myself that he was with the OW, that they were happy, planning a wedding and expecting a baby. I forced myself to "visualize" their happy life--making dinner together, snuggled up on the couch, out with friends, etc...Just their daily routine. I convinced myself that he had changed--he had (in my Imagination) stopped drinking, no longer hung out with his shady friends, was faithful and had a stable job. After a while, the pain began to subside until, after a few months, I realized that I was thinking of him much less and the thoughts I did have, I was able to dismiss relatively easily.

 

Now here's the good part....about a month ago (I went NC last Feb), he began burning up my phone (6 calls in less than two hours). I didn't answer. Shortly after the last call, I heard him at my front door. He finally went away after about 20 minutes. Here's the thing--my only thought was how he hasn't changed at all and how relieved I was that I didn't have to deal with him! I realized that I no longer felt that "connection"...that he no longer has any impact on my emotions.

 

Now, I'll be honest. When I first began my fantasy scenario, it was my way of protecting myself--I was so frightened about being caught off guard & hearing about him getting married or becoming a father that I pretended those things were true so that I could deal with it and be prepared if/when it did happen. I really didn't expect it to help me get over him--but it did.

 

Of course, his attempted contact put an end to my game of "imaginary reality", but I found that I don't need it anymore.

 

My method: Imagine the worse case scenario, face the pain, and stop driving yourself crazy wondering.

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I try to do that fantasy scenario, but I can't get myself to do it and get it to actually hurt. The only way for me to do that is for me to know exactly who she was dating. The problem is that the guy she cheated on me with doesn't actually want her. She thought he did which is why she went for him and dumped me. I don't know if they are dating or not. I feel like she may have found someone else but I have NO idea.

 

Who cares what she thinks? Well no one. except for me...

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Simon Phoenix

This stuff is normal. Hell, I was feeling bad around Christmas, then I got past Christmas and now I've been completely indifferent since. The only time I thought of her is because I was surprised at how little emotion I felt. I felt none of the sadness, anger, resentment, regret, rationalization that I have felt for months. It takes a while, but you'll get there. But to get there, you can't fold.

 

You don't want to know who she's seeing. There's no purpose. It doesn't matter. All it will do is make you feel like s--t. There is absolutely no upside. You have to live for you, not for her. She didn't make you who you are and she can't influence who you will be in the future. Besides, SHE CHEATED ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That alone should make anything with her a non-starter.

 

Trust me, ignorance is bliss. I have no idea what my ex has done since late September (besides stuff she told me she was doing before we stopped talking and other random things I've heard unsolicited) and ignorance is bliss. You do not want to go down that rabbit hole.

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I know that what I don't know can't hurt me. I still feel curious though. She shouldn't deserve any of my thoughts, she wasn't good to me. I don't care how many friends she has or how many friends she thinks she has. She didn't respect me. She's not a friend to me. Probably never will be either. I'd rather meet new girls than have her as a friend. I'm not a social butterfly so I don't have the easiest time making new friends, but I know I have to try. I was way too dependent on her during my first semester at college. I felt comfortable with just having her and a few other friends. Well now she's gone and I'm left with close to no one.

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Simon Phoenix
I know that what I don't know can't hurt me. I still feel curious though. She shouldn't deserve any of my thoughts, she wasn't good to me. I don't care how many friends she has or how many friends she thinks she has. She didn't respect me. She's not a friend to me. Probably never will be either. I'd rather meet new girls than have her as a friend. I'm not a social butterfly so I don't have the easiest time making new friends, but I know I have to try. I was way too dependent on her during my first semester at college. I felt comfortable with just having her and a few other friends. Well now she's gone and I'm left with close to no one.

 

Hell, you are a freshman in college. This will allow you to actually experience what college has to offer and grow.

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Hell, you are a freshman in college. This will allow you to actually experience what college has to offer and grow.

 

That's what I hope. I just loved having her. Walking to class together, having sex in her dorm room, cuddling some nights before I had to go home. Having her wait outside my class so we could sit outside and just talk once it was over. Damn.. writing about this stuff makes me miss it so much more.. :( I miss having someone.

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Hey my man, listen I'm back at square one after writing my ex a final good bye letter per say saying that I'm not okay with being anyone's second option. It's not worth your time and even though its good to write your thoughts down and express it, your obsessing over it now. She could have a STD right now with herps, she's tainted.... It's time to move along and find someone that cares for all those good times you had. You prob have half girls have boys at our college. Go get someone else to walk to clAss and then one day she will see you a d just smile

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