Her birthday.....

[Coping Vortex]

We have been NC (except for breadcrumbs) for 5 weeks now. I am totally devastated but have been trying to cope. As a last bit of closure for me I decided to send her flowers on her birthday which I did every year before. (I know I know but it is cathartic for me) That was going to be my absolute last contact with her. I wanted her to remember me and what we had and she loves flowers. I have no hopes of getting her back but for me it was a final send off. Closure for me.

 

Well I expected maybe a bread crumb just to know she got the flowers but I heard nothing. She wished me a Merry Christmas so I figured at least a quick text that she got them. Nothing. So I called the florist and they said someone signed it with the initials GST. Hmmmm.....not her initials, now I am wondering if her new BF was there and signed for them. Great, that means he probably threw them out or blew up at her for getting them from me.

 

I have no idea if that is the case but I can only surmise that is what happened. Great now I feel like a total idiot. I thought it was a good idea at the time.

 

This is so hard. I need to get past this once and for all.

[fixing]

You are not an idiot. Dont beat yourself up for making a lovely gesture. I did kinda the same thing as you last month. I sent her flowers, she received them and didnt even acknowledge them. I haven't heard from her since.

 

So, dont go convincing yourself to investigate further as to whether she got them or not, my guess, is she did.

 

Just remain strict no contact from now on.

[Coping Vortex]

Well I just texted her to see if she got them. I didn't want to break NC but I had to know if she at least got them after I paid a fortune for them.

 

She sent back a "Yes thank you".

 

Wow would have been nice if she sent that to me the day she got them.

 

Well now I am on NC for good now.

 

That little exchange actually helped me as I find that was a lousy thing not to at least acknowledge she got them the day I sent them.

 

She is either in total love with her new guy or she is fighting to acknowledge she still has feelings for me. Either way its over and I am done. I just need to finally move on.

[fixing]

I agree. She should have had the courtesy to thank you on the day. But, whatever, you did a nice thing, leave it as that. You can hold your head up high on that one. Now the hard part starts, the horrible 'moving on' part.

[cavalier99]

I cringed when i read your post. Don't humiliate yourself anymore. Its done. Just go hardcore NC.

 

It gets better. Maintain self respect at ALL cost.

[na49]

She is either in total love with her new guy or she is fighting to acknowledge she still has feelings for me. Either way its over and I am done. I just need to finally move on.

 

Great. Sadly it's easier said than done. but you're strong enough to do it, if you want to.

[flitzanu]

point is, you didn't send them for a reaction, you sent them because it was cathartic to you.

 

fast forward, you don't get a reaction from her about getting them and you flip out.

 

that's not cathartic, that means you wanted a reaction.

[geegirl]

Let's be honest. You sent the flowers to get a reaction. There was nothing cathartic about it. You even said you expected a breadcrumb. There was an expectation. It had nothing to do with closure. On top of that, if it was closure, you wouldn't have sent a text asking if she got the flowers!

 

Please stick to NC. Hold your self-respect intact and move on.

[Own Worst Enemy]

pretty rude of her not to acknowledge. i suspect she didn't quite know what to say, nor why you sent them. hence the silence.

 

you did a nice thing, if perhaps not the right thing. next time you're tempted to reach out - and you will be, if you're human - remember how you felt when she ignored you after receiving expensive flowers, and it might just help.

[Coping Vortex]

Thanks everyone! You are all correct!!!

 

This is so tough.

[Coping Vortex]

More and more breadcrumbs today. I could make chicken cutlets with all the bread crumbs she sent me.

 

Funny about bread crumbs they have no substance. No meaning. Just void of real conversation.

 

So sad people can't people say what they mean behind the dribble of breadcrumbs.

 

Life is too short.

[fixing]

Yeah man, just a cowards way out imo. You'll be alright son. Chin up and 100% NC

[cavalier99]

More and more breadcrumbs today. I could make chicken cutlets with all the bread crumbs she sent me.

 

Funny about bread crumbs they have no substance. No meaning. Just void of real conversation.

 

So sad people can't people say what they mean behind the dribble of breadcrumbs.

 

Life is too short.

 

I feel for you man. Please take pity on YOURSELF and block her. I hate to see

Unnecessary suffering. I mean she already dumped you and is with a new guy. That is enough suffering for like 6 month to a year anyway. Block her and suffer in peace.

 

It does get better! Just keep on telling yourself this and DISENGAGE to heal.

[Coping Vortex]

Reacting to the bread crumb us worse. I admit I got sucked in. She admitted not directly but through bread crumbs that I am still in heart. Great so what did that get me. No where. Right back to silence. Yes folks I got sucked into a breadcrumb conversation. Basically asked her if she still cared etc. but what did that do other than start the click over again. Sorry folks I let you all down and myself. Isn't it funny that when they bread crumb at some point they change the subject and then disappear no sign off. Just disappear. Can anyone explain why a person does that? It's right out rude. At least say "look it's been nice catching up but I have to go" or "I still care but I'm with someone else now etc. ". It's just strange to have these almost meaningful conversations. So if anyone has done it I would just like to know what ties through the bread crumbers head.

[cavalier99]

I know that you want to know what she is thinking etcetera. I feel the same. I got a super nice email 2 weeks ago after 3 months NC. I asked myself. Does she really miss me like she said. Is this an opening to reconcile ectera. But the facts remain the same.

 

She left me and didn't say she wants back (I'm not sure id take her back ..but that is another discussion).

 

You cant live thinking about what they are thinking. It will drive you crazy. that is why we do NC. To get distance.

 

She might feel regret. She might love you some still. She might at times have second thoughts. BUT it doesn't matter. All these things are insufficient for her to be with you. She left and has stayed gone except for the communication that only torments you.

 

F*k her. Get rid of her and the pain she causes. Doesn't matter if you think she is a good person or not. My ex is great and super nice. But F*ck her anyway. She is gone and I'm not giving into her desire to be friendly. How will i become indifferent this way? Understand?

 

We don't care about their motive good or bad. They are in the past and good riddance ....because they left. That is all the reason we need to burn them from our consciousness.

Edited January 3, 2013 by cavalier99

[Coping Vortex]

@cavilear you are correct. Bread crumbs are not an opening to getting your relationship back. All the serious conversation is saved for her new man. By the way I figured out why she did respond today and started bread crumbling. She was hung over and had a cold from New Years. So she was bored on the couch. If she wasn't I would have never heard from her.

 

I so agree with everyone how surreal this all is. One minute you are the person they love more than anything and next thing you know you are the man on the street. A nobody. So weird.

 

I hurt Like everyone else on this site. I can't stop thinking about her. Where she is what she is doing etc. funny how we all react the same. I'll say it again like everyone else has. This sucks. I want to hate her so bad. Instead she has me taking drugs to fall asleep while she is ****ing another guy to get to sleep. Just not fair.

[crashvector]

I have heard nothing...no breadcrumbs not a word

 

I dunno...at least with breadcrumbs you know the other person is feeling SOMETHING...at least guilty or something.

 

Complete silence = i could care less about you at all

[Coping Vortex]

Has anyone broken NC and actually got their ex back? I find the no NC thing strange in one aspect as a relationship should have constant communication. And too many times a BU occurred because some one said the wrong thing or out of context. If that is the case them it would seem communication to solve the problem.

[cavalier99]

When they left they made a decision not to work on it. Communication is great while in the relationship. Not after.

 

YOU want to work on it she doesn't. Sucks but is true. Go NC. It is on her if she wants to get in touch with you or work on it. I don't see that happening.

 

You working on it just meant texting into oblivion and appearing weak and crazy. Kill this unrealistic hope. It will cause you more pain and stifle your healing, NC is all you should be thinking about. And don't forget to block her.

[Coping Vortex]

Cavalier - you are so right I feel horrible today. After the bread crumbs conversation yesterday I was feeling good like who knows maybe one day.....

 

But this morning I woke up with clarity and I'm more depressed than ever. When I think about it now its like an iceberg. Yesterday I only saw the tip. I'm not seeing how she probably loves her new man, is having wild sex with him, telling him awesome he is, texting endlessly all day. I was only seeing the attention she paid me which is only a small piece of what is on her mind. She compared me to her ex husband and said I will always be way over him in her heart. Great and I'm sure your new man is way over me in her heart too.

 

I mean why would she go backwards? Unless I can have meaningful conversations with her or see her kiss her etc. there is no real way to reconcile. For people to reconcile in my opinion they have to be face to face at some point. Even then when you meet (which we did a few weeks ago) it doesn't mean anything they will now feel like they are cheating on their new man. Once you start to move into something new its hard to go back.

 

A few weeks ago I went to her house to talk. We spent the day together kissed hugged declared she loved me even had some oral sex. I could tell she didn't want to go back to a full relationship (probably because she seeing a new guy) but I suggested we start over and date once again. She was surprised but good with that. She promised to keep texting talking which she did that night. It was like old times. The next morning she sent me a text that she did not want to continue our relationship. So after all of that we didn't get back together what makes several weeks later going to change her mind now?

 

So what did I do yesterday but torture myself?????

 

I was doing OK with NC I was resigned that it was over. But this past week I have been panicking once again that I have really and truly lost her forever. Its sobering and seems to be getting worse than better. I know NC is the way to go but it really hasn't helped much at all. It has made me want her more. I don't know maybe NC is not the way to go. Maybe keeping up bread crumbs will eventually piss me off to the point I will hate her. Different approach I know but NC just did not work for me. I know some use NC as a way to get that person to miss them. Well that is what it has done for me. I miss her more than ever when I don't have any communication. I'm so confused right now I'm still a mess. Not fair she is loving life. I had to hear how exciting her NYE was ouch.

[cavalier99]

NC does work. You feel worse at first because you aren't getting the fix that her contact provides you. It is like withdrawal from a drug addiction. When you get nice breadcrumbs you feel better for a bit but then crash. But it is false hope.

 

Better to go thru the pure suffering without any contact to get some distance from the source of you pain. If you can go 4 weeks NC you will want to keep it up and will break the worst part of the addiction.

 

Go full NC. Then cry. Mourn. Let it all out. Then do it again. Delete all her texts, emails, block her. Then cry again. Imagine all the good times and tell yourself IT IS OVER. Really mourn the loss. But know it is OVER.

 

Read the link in the signature for Navy Air Traffic on getting over them fast. This helped me a lot. Good luck.

 

BLOCK HER

[Coping Vortex]

You're right Cav. It's been 6 weeks since the BU. I guess I have to start over. I just don't see ever getting over her.

 

There was a point in knowing her where she had moved away, this was before we had a serious relationship. I thought about her everyday even though she was gone from my life for two years. We hooked up again in FB and started an awesome relationship that has lasted for year until now. Its those two years I pinned for for her that scares me that I won't get over her. Even after all the other women I had been with she is the women that always had my heart the most. and still does. She is the one. That makes this so tough.

[triggerx51]

Buddy i suggest you go in a room and cry do whatever it takes to get over this and move on. This kind of stuff like sending flowers to get her back will never work in fact its actually counter productive.

 

When a woman moves on majority of the times there is another guy in play. Don't humliate yourself any further just stop, you will find a better woman in time and you wont look back again.

[Coping Vortex]

Yes she is already seeing another man. I guess I felt that it has only been weeks with him and years for me. However, I guess that only means ours is old and stale relationship and that guy represents a new exciting relationship.

 

OK NC here we go again.....

[flitzanu]

Has anyone broken NC and actually got their ex back? I find the no NC thing strange in one aspect as a relationship should have constant communication. And too many times a BU occurred because some one said the wrong thing or out of context. If that is the case them it would seem communication to solve the problem.

 

most people misunderstand "NC".

 

going NC does not mean you are "ignoring" the other person, it means you are not communicating by choice. there is a subtle difference.

 

fact is, if YOU have gone "nc" for weeks and your ex hasn't contacted you...why would you think they even want to talk, since they haven't even tried to reach out?