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Lost and not sure how to move on...


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Hey everyone, my girlfriend of 4 years just recently decided to end the relationship. I'm not sure what I should do in this scenario. Whether I should go NC (and for how long) or LC. I do want to establish the possibility of future reconciliation if we both decide to.

 

We are both in our early 20's and have always had a healthy normal relationship. Right before the break up I have noticed her becoming more distant and more focused on her new job and her new friends. All of her friends are late 20's to early 30's individuals. Ever since we moved out together, I could feel her becoming more and more distant. She became extremely depressed and stressed after moving out and even started to take medication.

 

She eventually called me up one day to meet up and talk. She said that she couldn't lie to me anymore and that she really believes that she has fallen out of love with me.

 

The reasons stated by her for the breakup were:

- the spark/romance is just gone and she is more interested in being single and living the club life with her new friends.

- she wants to be young and be able to flirt and see what is out there without feeling guilty.

- she has a liking for another man that is in his early 30s.

 

Even though she said she has fallen out of love with me, she said still loves me as a friend/family member. She said she would like to stay friends. We have been extremely close for the past 4 years and I was basically her only other family here other than her mom and step dad. I admit that I have spoiled her like crazy and she might have gotten comfortable with everything I have done for her.

 

Anyways, I met her a week ago for closure and I found out that ever since we broke up she has been out clubbing and partying with her friends every night. She even started smoking and doing drugs which she never did when we were together. It was as if she suddenly turned from the girl I used to know into a complete stranger.

 

I really love this girl but I know that I must let her do what she wants now since she has made up her mind. I know it is best to go NC but I do worry about her sometimes since she is living by herself.

 

I'm not sure what I should do in this scenario. Whether I should go NC (and for how long) or LC. Should I wait for her to contact me or should I contact her after a period of NC. I don't want her to think that I have completely forgotten about her but I also don't want her to think I am needy. I do want to establish the possibility of future reconciliation if we both decide to.

 

Thanks for the help. Happy New Years.

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How to we send PM's...I REALLY think I know what's going on in this case....

 

Sorry I am not sure how to send PM's, I'm pretty new to this site myself. I really would like to hear your opinion on the matter though.

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Crap...I wont wait.

 

What are the meds that she started taking? SSRI's?

 

If so, seriously...SSRI's can do that to people. they fix depression, but they can also lower dopamine levels in your brain. Dopamine is the "bonding chemical".

 

I've heard TONS of people saying that when they started taking SSRI's they felt like their emotions/feelings had been numbed...including the love/attatchment they felt for their spouse or partner.

 

I'm not saying that is the case with her for SURE...but I DO know that I experienced it firsthand and have heard hundreds of other people say the same thing during the course of my job.

 

I dunno what you can actually DO about it...except talk to her and tell her to consider it and talk to her doctor, unless you are married.

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SSRI's are a class of anti-depressants...like Celexa, Lexapro, Prozac, etc. They are also effective against anxiety, so if she was anxious and depressed, this is almost certainly what she was taking. do any of these names ring a bell?

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I am actually not sure what medication she is taking but I hope that isn't the reason she is doing this to herself right now. I really just want her to wake up and realize that the clubbing lifestyle she has with her friends aren't gonna last forever. I know I can't actually tell her this since she won't listen to me.

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SSRI's are a class of anti-depressants...like Celexa, Lexapro, Prozac, etc. They are also effective against anxiety, so if she was anxious and depressed, this is almost certainly what she was taking. do any of these names ring a bell?

 

Hmm Prozac...that kind of rings a bell. I think that might be what she was taking.

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This is G.I.G.S, spot on.

 

I would do NC right away, it really is your only option; nothing you say at this point will change her mind and only make you look needy. I'm sorry to say this but she will probably (if she hasn't already) have sex with this other guy. If you do NC she will eventually realize what a moron she is for ditching you and regret all of what she did... but she will only realize this after she has done it.

 

How do I know all this? I'm going through it right now with a girl that I loved for a good 6 years. My friend went through it as well. My only regret is not doing NC sooner, I did the whole take me back thing ...

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Hmm Prozac...that kind of rings a bell. I think that might be what she was taking.

 

I'm not trying to give you false hope here brother....I'm just saying that I know for a fact that those kinds of meds screw around with your brain chemistry...specifically seratonin and dopamine, and if you raise seratonin, you lower dopamine most of the time...and dopamine is the neurotransmitter that makes you feel close and attatched to another person.

 

Its the chemical that floods your brain after sex and makes you feel so close to your partner.

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Yeah I understand thanks. But I do not want to overlook this too. Now I am not even sure how I should go about contacting her again. Since the closure meeting we had, I told her I would contact her in 2 weeks to see how she is doing. The last time I saw her she was in a mess. She even had self inflicted cuts on her wrist...

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This is G.I.G.S, spot on.

 

I would do NC right away, it really is your only option; nothing you say at this point will change her mind and only make you look needy. I'm sorry to say this but she will probably (if she hasn't already) have sex with this other guy. If you do NC she will eventually realize what a moron she is for ditching you and regret all of what she did... but she will only realize this after she has done it.

 

How do I know all this? I'm going through it right now with a girl that I loved for a good 6 years. My friend went through it as well. My only regret is not doing NC sooner, I did the whole take me back thing ...

 

Honest question: why do you regret not going NC sooner? What changed once you did?

 

I mean,,,I did the whole "take me back" thing too...but only because my fiance broke up with me after a HUGE misunderstanding.

 

You can read the "Angry letter I won't send" thread I made to see what I mean but trust me...she screwed up BIG time...so i had a reason to keep trying to get her to listen to me.

 

But honestly, what changed for you once you went NC...another broken heart wants to know.

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This is G.I.G.S, spot on.

 

I would do NC right away, it really is your only option; nothing you say at this point will change her mind and only make you look needy. I'm sorry to say this but she will probably (if she hasn't already) have sex with this other guy. If you do NC she will eventually realize what a moron she is for ditching you and regret all of what she did... but she will only realize this after she has done it.

 

How do I know all this? I'm going through it right now with a girl that I loved for a good 6 years. My friend went through it as well. My only regret is not doing NC sooner, I did the whole take me back thing ...

 

Yeah I can kind of see how this might be a G.I.G.S. case. We are both pretty young still in our early 20's. I just never expected her to end the relationship so randomly and suddenly.

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Yeah I understand thanks. But I do not want to overlook this too. Now I am not even sure how I should go about contacting her again. Since the closure meeting we had, I told her I would contact her in 2 weeks to see how she is doing. The last time I saw her she was in a mess. She even had self inflicted cuts on her wrist...

 

Son of a biatch...I NEED to pm this guy....Im a psych nurse and I think i can help him....

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Son of a biatch...I NEED to pm this guy....Im a psych nurse and I think i can help him....

 

I would really appreciate your help. The breakup seemed so random and sudden. And it happened soon after she actually started taking the medication. Before when she was depressed and I was there, she acted fine and seemed to want the relationship. But right after taking the medications she suddenly decided to break it up and completely went crazy. Crazy as in partying, drinking and doing drugs with her new friends. I have never seen this side of her before.

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I would really appreciate your help. The breakup seemed so random and sudden. And it happened soon after she actually started taking the medication. Before when she was depressed and I was there, she acted fine and seemed to want the relationship. But right after taking the medications she suddenly decided to break it up and completely went crazy. Crazy as in partying, drinking and doing drugs with her new friends. I have never seen this side of her before.

 

yeah...i figured as much, and was going to be my next question: did she suddenly start to weird stuff or acting wild just after starting the meds?

 

the cutting her wrists and shiat probably started right after the meds, too right?

 

I'm pretty darn sure I know what's up but I CANT post it out in the open.

 

She see a psychiatrist?

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Yea the cutting of her wrist was right after the meds and the breakup. She basically ended the relationship but it seemed as if she took it harder than I did and to cover up for what she did she basically went out drinking and clubbing every night. Damn I need to find a way for you to contact me privately...

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yeah...i figured as much, and was going to be my next question: did she suddenly start to weird stuff or acting wild just after starting the meds?

 

the cutting her wrists and shiat probably started right after the meds, too right?

 

I'm pretty darn sure I know what's up but I CANT post it out in the open.

 

She see a psychiatrist?

 

Do you know how long the meds usually last? A month?

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okay...

 

Did she start acting weird BEFORE the breakup when she first started taking them?

 

Like...participating in high risk behavior (drinking, spending tons of money, etc) before you broke up?

 

any cutting before the breakup?

 

did she get really talkative? Like...talking really fast or just non-stop?

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Do you know how long the meds usually last? A month?

 

Once you stop taking them, it take 4-6 weeks to clear you system...and another 1-2 months before your brain chemistry starts to normalize.

 

But you can NOT just stop taking SSRI's. You MUST taper off of them under the direction of a doctor.

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okay...

 

Did she start acting weird BEFORE the breakup when she first started taking them?

 

Like...participating in high risk behavior (drinking, spending tons of money, etc) before you broke up?

 

any cutting before the breakup?

 

did she get really talkative? Like...talking really fast or just non-stop?

 

There was no cutting before the breakup and she did very little partying with her friends. If not once a week. I believe a week or 2 into taking the meds she decided to end the relationship. Right after ending the relationship she kind of went wild with the drinking, drugs and even started smoking which was not like her at all.

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There was no cutting before the breakup and she did very little partying with her friends. If not once a week. I believe a week or 2 into taking the meds she decided to end the relationship. Right after ending the relationship she kind of went wild with the drinking, drugs and even started smoking which was not like her at all.

 

 

So she took them for about 2 weeks and her behavior drastically changed right?

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So she took them for about 2 weeks and her behavior drastically changed right?

 

Yeah her behaviors changed drastically after taking the meds... Damn I am so confused now. I am not even sure if I should be contacting her in 2 weeks and asking her how she is doing.

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No you can't help him.

 

She's fallen out of love with him,

She's thrown in another 101 excuses for good measure,

There's a new guy on the scene making her cum harder than ever.

 

The only person who can help the OP is himself.

 

ZERO, NAY, NADA, NO CONTACT, for the absolute rest of your life... unless you bump into her at starbucks in the year 2020 or something... but don't even THINK about that.

 

"NO" contact... begin the long, hard, depressing, heart breaking process of healing up and slowly, but eventually... moving on.

 

This girl is history, say no more.

 

I never said she wasn't gone...or that he shouldn't go NC with her.

 

what I AM saying is that anti-depressant meds are KNOWN to make people act very differently...even change their personality. PAXIL is known to have dramatic effects on people for example...prozac too.

 

People do all kinds of crazy stuff after they start these meds...and its takes about 2 to 4 weeks before the levels build up enough to start causing symptoms.

 

she might be having serious issues

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I never said she wasn't gone...or that he shouldn't go NC with her.

 

what I AM saying is that anti-depressant meds are KNOWN to make people act very differently...even change their personality. PAXIL is known to have dramatic effects on people for example...prozac too.

 

People do all kinds of crazy stuff after they start these meds...and its takes about 2 to 4 weeks before the levels build up enough to start causing symptoms.

 

she might be having serious issues

 

I really do hope that it might be something to do with the meds. I think I will double check with her by giving her a text tomorrow and asking her how she is doing and what meds she was taking for the depression. Just incase it was Prozac or a SSRI, I would like to talk to her about it and let her know that the feelings she is going through right now might be partly the meds fault.

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Yeah her behaviors changed drastically after taking the meds... Damn I am so confused now. I am not even sure if I should be contacting her in 2 weeks and asking her how she is doing.

 

HEre is what I would do:

 

I would NOT contact her. I would contact her FAMILY..and tell them you are very concerned for her well-being.

 

I'm just saying THIS:

 

Dangerous Side Effects Of Anti Depressants | LIVESTRONG.COM

 

and THIS:

 

Effects Of Antidepressants On People With Bipolar Disorder | LIVESTRONG.COM

 

 

you can check that out.

 

However, I don't think i'd try contacting her anymore. If you can, let her family know you think something is up...and then move on. You would have done everything you can reasonably do.

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