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Thought I was Making Progress.. back to square one?


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dyzfunctioned

More of a rant than anything as I know there's going to be ups and downs. It helps to put this down somewhere though.

 

When me and my gf broke up I was a mess - couldn't eat, was nauseous, wasn't sleeping, etc. The past few days I've been better and there were a few days when I was like wow, I think I'm going to be okay.

 

Friday night and yesterday I missed her like crazy. Was spending time with my family to take my mind off her but it only made me miss her more. However, spending all this time with my family made me realize I hadn't done it enough recently and that made me realize there were a lot of things I've neglected over the past few years and all of a sudden I had this epiphany and was inspired to make a bunch of changes. It felt great.

 

Shortly after I went back to my place to do some stuff (I have been staying at my parents as being at home has been too hard) and man the extent to which I missed her just hit me and it was overwhelming. I missed her more than I ever had.

 

I caved and broke NC sending her a text about how I missed her and that I realize now I lost myself over the past few years and that there's a lot of changes I want to make. She replied saying that she missed me a ton and that she was discovering a lot of things she wanted to change too and because of that she thinks she made the right decision.

 

Man, that hurt. I guess on some level I was hoping with enough time and space that she'd be like, ****, I made a mistake and get back in touch with me. So to hear her say that sent me on an emotional ride.

 

At first I tried to be understanding and then I broke down and was like I want you to be there to see me change and I want to see you change. I want us to push each other and grow not only on our own, but as a couple.

 

We said a lot more but it basically came down to her saying she needed to work on being alone as she's never been good with that and she's always jumped from relationship to relationship.

 

Now we agreed that I'll pick up all my stuff next weekend and I'm pretty much back to square one. I couldn't sleep. I was nauseous and vomitted several times throughout the night. All those things I wanted to change and was inspired to change seem like they don't matter anymore.

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It must hurt a lot, hearing her say that, I can understand your anguish.

 

You have to stay NC, to heal yourself, you felt you were making progress you said...you can do this again, but you have to protect yourself.

 

Everything happens for a reason and one day in the future, you will see this reason, but you have to take baby steps and be patient with yourself.

 

It's okay to feel sad and physically ill at the mo, it's okay.

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I'm so sorry you're going through this, but do you feel like you got some closure now at least? Even if she doese miss you she's not in the right place to be in a relationship right now so even if you did get back together it wouldn't be healthy for either of you. She needs to find herself and you need to do the same. At least you tried. Now you know.

 

You were doing so great before you broke contact, missing her hurts but you can get back there again. Revisit that list of things you wanted to change in your life and work on that. Even if you don't feel like it matters right now. take care of yourself. Cry if you need to, get it out of your system and when you feel cleansed start healing yourself again.

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dyzfunctioned
I'm so sorry you're going through this, but do you feel like you got some closure now at least? Even if she doese miss you she's not in the right place to be in a relationship right now so even if you did get back together it wouldn't be healthy for either of you. She needs to find herself and you need to do the same. At least you tried. Now you know.

 

You were doing so great before you broke contact, missing her hurts but you can get back there again. Revisit that list of things you wanted to change in your life and work on that. Even if you don't feel like it matters right now. take care of yourself. Cry if you need to, get it out of your system and when you feel cleansed start healing yourself again.

 

Yes and no as far as closure... It was one of those ****, we're not getting back together moments for sure. But the fact that we're both recognizing we have issues makes me want us to be together and see how good both of us can become. That's not going to happen so all I can do is work on improving myself but it's still hard not to hold out hope for the future.

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