how do i proceed??

[Hurt Irish guy]

i have posted recently with my story but i wont bore any new readers with too much detail just a run through,

 

so after 10 months of me wondering why i was getting no feedback from my girlfriend as to why i was not being involved in her planed trip to Canada for a year i found out on saterday night, it was all down to her friends not wanting me to come along and i am totally cool with that. what pisses me off is that i was not told for 10 months within which i tried everything in my power to involve my self, but this is somewhat of a side note right now.

 

a few weeks ago she came to me and said that Canada was pushed back a number of months and was now going to france for 3/4months, i was pretty upset as i thought the extra few months could have been well spent on us!! kind of felt that this was happening without me and that i did not even get a say in the whole thing. after a bit of agro on both our parts we ended on wednesday of last week.

 

on saterday and sunday we met up and i seemed to get my point across and it seemed to be listened to. i told her that i had been cut from the decision making process thought and that i felt that if canada and france was now on the cards that some compromise should be made as i seemed to be the only one who was on the loosing side in all of it. the further the conversation went the more i sensed that there was more in the whole issue.

 

i finally found out(although i had been suspect of this for a long time) that since she had moved back in with her mum due to college commitments that she had been constantly and persistently downing me and telling and highlighting all the bad elements of our relationship(and lets be honest all relationships have them) to my gf.

now i am unsure but if someone keeps telling you something in some way you begin to believe them even if this is just this persons perception of the issue or person??? am i the only one who thinks this??????

 

so with this in mind my gf has come to a compromise of sorts with me, now as i said we are with each other over 5 years so she is now asking me to be ok with her going to france as she want to see if i am the one who she can see herself making a future with. she also wants to do this single not so much to go and flash it about but(i do trust her on that score) more if something happens she dose not want to feel guilty towards me.

 

Now in one way i am delighted that she will once again think for her self and no one will be in her ear or try and manipulate her decision, but on the other hand i am thinking that if she goes and has no ties with me than i am fighting a loosing battle and the outcome is inevitabal and it isint gona be pretty for me. i dont know of many people who take such a break and come back to their partner, dose any one reading this????

 

what do i do??? do say i need certain commitment on her part (ie) contact certain ground rules and such like??? or do i tell her go and you contact me and only you contact me??? do i finish it and say when and if you comeback come and talk to me???? what is my best solution hear??? has anybody been through something like this and can give me advice??? i am lost as what to do she is leaving in a matter of days and i haven't had the time to go over the best options in all of the whole thing please any and all info would be great thanks

[Hurt Irish guy]

please will some one give me some advice or their opinion on this i am begging you i have no one els to turn to i am pretty upset hear please, over 100 of you have read it and all i want it some feed back

[Beachg]

I wish i had some words of advice for you. You sound like a lovely and caring guy who is trying your best to make your relationship work.

If you are willing to embark on a long distance relationship while she is overseas, then yes i would say some ground rules need agreeing upon between you both, such as will you see other people?

 

Some words spring to mind though about if you love someone let them go, and if you're both meant to be then they will come back to you. Sounds lame, but i believe it to be true.

I don't know how old you are? Maybe she just needs some time to be single and then will realise what she had with you is what she wants.

I hope someone can come along and offer you some better words than i can.

Look after yourself and take care of your own feelings.

[Hurt Irish guy]

i am 29 she is 25, ya i know its a bit of an age gap but i haven't put pressure on her to sort all of this stuff out, in fact the whole thing scares the **** out of me, like if she comes back and she has pinned all her hopes on me and it dose not work out i have screwed her over!!!

like she has told me that it is not about going to go and spread it about and i 100% believe her that its not but i do believe that being stuck in a ski resort for 3/4 months will bring opertunitys and if i am not somehow involved in this then i will be forgotten from the head pretty quick and no matter how deep i am in her heart it wont matter if i cant have any input or even help.

 

thanks for the reply i needed someone's opinion on it all