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How many of you have succesfully stayed friends with an ex?


Eternal Sunshine

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Eternal Sunshine

I mean at a level where you have coffee say every 2 weeks or so..

No sex or anything like that, just purely platonic friends.

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Immediately after a break-up, no...

 

After some time - and healing - I am friends with all Ex's save two (I think my ExH has actually passed away because NONE of our mutual friends have heard from him in two decades and he is not google-able; the other is currently living on skid-row... seriously).

 

I don't necessarily have coffee with my Ex's every two weeks because of geographic reasons, but we visit each other when we are able, stay in close touch via FB, and know each others respective partners.

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I'm still "friends" with my first love. I quote friends because we don't see each other and haven't in years. I moved back home after college and he's about 8-9 hours away from me.

 

When we broke up we didn't talk for a year, he then messaged me out of no where, and we started back up a FWB situation. That stopped, we graduated college, and I went back home.

 

We then talked very frequently through AOL, text, etc. We talked when I went to grad school... he did ask me to meet up once when he was in my city but I wasn't around that night.

 

He's got a gf now, but I still talk to him on occasion. He actually listens to me when I have guy issues, and he tells it to me straight, haha. When I talked to him about my recent split he actually said, "I told you that guy was a douchebag but you didn't listen. Next time you know to listen to me!"

 

Touche.

 

He's admitted that he still cares about me as a person, and as obnoxious as he can be, he was still my first love, and I wish him all the best in life. He's got a gf now and is happy, so that's great for him. He's been off the radar since being wifed up and I know one day I'm going to bust his balls for it because he was always the "f girls!" kind of guy.

 

I'm not friends with any other ex.

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There are signs it could happen with my recent ex.

Saw a lot of each other soon after bu,not good for me.

Broke contact for 4 months and she has recently reached

out to me.

As far as I can tell it's genuine and am seeing how it goes.

We are both with other people,so the coffee every 2 weeks

probably not happening.

Though she has said that she would love to call round,if in

area.

She has told me to cut her off if it causes problems for me.

Sent me a lovely text yesterday on anniversary of my Wife's

passing.Was quite touched and felt it was just the thing a

friend would do.

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Being friends with exes is over rated. My ex was friends with his ex. Means nothing. I still hot lied, cheated on and dumped cruelly.

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NavyAirTraffic

Never, at least not the ones I cared about! If I loved them at any point there was no chance of friendship, none. If I never cared for them, if I just dated them to fill time or while looking for someone better then yes, I could be friends.

 

Friends with an ex means this to me.

 

If it doesn't bother me that they are banging someone else - Friends.

If it bothers me that they are banging someone else - NO FRIENDS!

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With all of them, but never within the first 18-24+ months after a breakup. The one time I tried right after a break (where I was the dumpee), I nearly ended up dying of alcohol poisoning after months of agony and back and forth.

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I never have with a single one, either because I didn't value them as a friend after what they put me through or they ended up married. Sometimes friendships with ex's aren't appropriate if you both have moved on.

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It's been 8 months since the BU here. I think it's long enough.

 

There is a simple test: If he brought his new sexy girlfriend and they were all over each other, would you sit together with them and be genuinely happy for him? (Same in reverse if you dumped him.)

 

If there'd be jealousy, resentment, bitterness, hard feelings, then not enough time has passed.

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There is a simple test: If he brought his new sexy girlfriend and they were all over each other, would you sit together with them and be genuinely happy for him? (Same in reverse if you dumped him.)

 

If there'd be jealousy, resentment, bitterness, hard feelings, then not enough time has passed.

I totally agree with you.

 

For me, big NO NO. My relationships never ended in a nice way for us to be friends again.

I will love one forever if I ever love at all. So time is never enough for me even when I may have apparently moved on. The wounds in my heart will bleed anytime something resurface.

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Eternal Sunshine
There is a simple test: If he brought his new sexy girlfriend and they were all over each other, would you sit together with them and be genuinely happy for him? (Same in reverse if you dumped him.)

 

If there'd be jealousy, resentment, bitterness, hard feelings, then not enough time has passed.

 

 

This situation would make me cringe even if my female friend did it with her new bf....

 

I do know that he is seeing someone and it doesn't bother me at all. We never had a great physical spark/sex life so that's something that I never missed about him.

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witmadskilllz

I will stand my ground, my morals and values in life. IF you are not in my present nor future time, then you are nothing.

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Yes it is possible. My ex and I have coffee every Tuesday morning, he still takes care of my yard work that I can't do drives me to and from work when there is snow bad enough my car won't get me to work and he is planning to do his part to help here soon when I have to have surgery (stopping by a few times a week to check in do things I can't until I am healed and maybe bring dinner by). Yes he is seeing someone else and she knows about me. It can be done although many here may tell you it can't.

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Not friends with any exes. One I honestly dislike. I tried to be friends with one and it was fine on my end but he wanted me back (he had dumped me). It's just not worth the mess it can create imo. We weren't friends before we dated, so I don't need to be afterwards. Current ex, no I don't think we will ever be friends. Too painful for me.

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I do know that he is seeing someone and it doesn't bother me at all. We never had a great physical spark/sex life so that's something that I never missed about him.

 

LOL ....... Women!

 

"There was never anything there but I want to have coffee and talk to him every 2 weeks..."

 

And all the guys that are still "friends" with a large number of their ex's. Hate to say it but you guys are losers... keep giving your ex's approval and validation for them not being in a relationship with you every single day and preventing you from moving forward and having a "healthy" relationship with someone in the future while chasing after the ex, crying on a website forum that your loser ex wants nothing to do with you anymore. Shows a LOT about your self worth and value.

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Eternal Sunshine
LOL ....... Women!

 

"There was never anything there but I want to have coffee and talk to him every 2 weeks..."

 

And all the guys that are still "friends" with a large number of their ex's. Hate to say it but you guys are losers... keep giving your ex's approval and validation for them not being in a relationship with you every single day and preventing you from moving forward and having a "healthy" relationship with someone in the future while chasing after the ex, crying on a website forum that your loser ex wants nothing to do with you anymore. Shows a LOT about your self worth and value.

 

Heh, I don't want him back at all. I didn't say that there was nothing there. We had tons in common and were very intellectually compatible. I just never had a strong physical chemistry with him.

 

I have already moved forward and dated some men that I developed strong liking to. It didn't pan out but I am more than open to meeting someone else :)

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A couple of my exes didn't care about me at all when we dated, let alone afterwards. They treated me Like trash and dumped me cruelly. Left me High and dry. Stuff that.

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SoConfusedAndInShock

My fist ex from 4 yrs ago and i are good friends. Matter of face, i called him 3 in the am few nights ago because i was feeling so down, he was at my door within minutes. we talked about our lives for hours. laughed and cried together. we're very open now than we were dating (mind you it was a long term relationship that ended badly) broke up twice before finally going our separate ways cuz he cheated.

 

BUT after our BU, we both had time to go through the grieving process (well at least for me and for him to date few more girls), cool off, and reconnect in a civil manner after he came back crying around the 6 months mark. by then i was over him and wanted nothing to do with him. then another 6 months went by and i started dating someone new(my current ex) i guess reality hit my first ex and he decided being friends is his only option. till this day, i still go over his parents house for holidays and get together and still fell so welcome there.

 

Long story short, even though he still begs to get back together from time to time, he knows we're better of friends than nothing at all. Some exs you can forgive no matter what because time heals all wound but others, like my current ex, well that's a different story. For all i know he could be dead. Friendship with an ex has to do with time, maturity, and respect for one another. but in order for one to be friends with his/her ex, there has to be some kind of boundaries. First fully recover! And by that i mean you've go to be over that person and not be bothered by their dating or social life.

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SoConfusedAndInShock
He is isn't your friend.

 

What he is... Is an idiot! For allowing you to USE him.

 

This is why...

 

 

 

He is allowing you to set the TERMS and CONDITIONS of your "friendship" because he isn't man enough to accept nothing less than what he wants and deserves. He only agrees to TERMS and CONDITIONS of your "friendship" because he thinks in the end... it will get you to want him.

 

Of course, it never will and he is only allowing himself to waste his time, effort and energy investing in a "friendship" he doesn't really want or need.

 

 

Wow youre f**int ignorant he left me for the girl he cheated me on with nd so since now he wants me now when its convince for him and I'm the bad guy? Wow how dumb are you dude? No one is using anyone stop running your mouth without understanding why we broke up in the first place....so u wanted me to accept him with open arms everytime he leaves and comes back! At least now we have put the past in the past and are moving on with our lives. Don't read in between the lines read and understand everything douch

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Wow youre f**int ignorant he left me for the girl he cheated me on with nd so since now he wants me now when its convince for him and I'm the bad guy? Wow how dumb are you dude? No one is using anyone stop running your mouth without understanding why we broke up in the first place....so u wanted me to accept him with open arms everytime he leaves and comes back! At least now we have put the past in the past and are moving on with our lives. Don't read in between the lines read and understand everything douch

 

You're not the bad guy but the only reason he comes rushing to your aid at 3am is because he wants you back. And you call him for that help because you know he wants you and will come at your beck & call. It happens all the time, it's nothing new.

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