No contact rule...again

[viewsonic]

okay, my boyfriend broke up with me a little over two months ago..

 

about a week after that, i called and left this hysterical, crying message asking him why he hated me so much, etc.. i wish i had never done that! it was in the heat of the moment and i was distraught after reading this email i got from him, and i just called.. it's totatally regrettable now..

 

in terms of making contact after the break-up, he said that he would ignore anything from me. about two weeks after we broke up, i sent him a letter, not asking him to take me back, but just trying to make sense of everything and to apologize for anything i did to hurt him, even though i wasn't sure why we had ended or how i had hurt him. it was more for my benefit but i ended up mailing it. then the next day, i emailed the letter to him. again, probably something i should not have done. in addition, i wrote a card to his sister thanking her for everything she did for me. he was close with his sister and i had considered her a friend.. when we broke up, i wasn't going to see her again too.

 

i feel i am moving on from all this and for some reason i keep thinking about all the contact i made and if it had made a difference... because when we broke up it was a complete shock. two days prior we had a small fight and he told me if i thought of breaking up with him, it wouldn't happen.. also he said he loved me and that he wanted to spend a long time with me.. so when he broke up with me two days later, it was a complete and utter shock. how do i get over that feeling that if i had not contacted him, that maybe it would have been better and something would have come from it? at the same time, i don't think i want to be with him.. i don't want to be with someone who caused me so much pain in the end..

[tenderhearted]

how do i get over that feeling that if i had not contacted him, that maybe it would have been better and something would have come from it?

 

Honey, whether or not you contacted him during that time, it would not have made a bit of difference. He already has his mind made up. Whether or not you contacted him wouldn't/didn't change his mind.

 

Sometimes I sit and think about the mistake that I made in keeping contact with my EX for nine long months after our breakup. I wish I had done the NO CONTACT then, but we can't keep going back in the past thinking: should of, could of, would of.

 

I suggest that you focus on YOU and forget about him. If he comes around later, it'll be your choice whether or not you want him back, but for now focus on accepting the breakup and getting over him and move on with your life. Usually when this happens and they come crawling back, it's too late and you don't want him back anyway.

[Arabess]

I could have written either one of your posts. I've lived them......HAHA!

 

If I could turn back the hands of time.....I would've NEVER contacted him after I realized he was an a**h***! But in my pathetic forlorn state....I did in the beginning. I wanted an explanation, a response, ANYTHING to make the pain go away. I think we do that in some sort of a lame attempt to get things back to where they were before everything turned into crap.

 

The truth is....you can't bring back what once was.....and you wouldn't forget what they did even if you DID get back together. The only healthy way to get passed it ...is to realize you have to take control of your own emotions and life.....and the only person who can do that is YOU. This guy can no longer FIX anything for you.

 

Even though I wish I hadn't contacted him for my own pride's sake.....I don't care what I said or did at the time. It wouldn't have made a difference either way. If he cared about my feelings, he wouldn't have done what he did when everything was going well.....much less after we broke up.

 

So, don't beat yourself up over it or wonder 'what if'. The end result is the same.....

 

It DOES get better and one day you'll wonder why you didn't see early on that it was just a bad relationship. A disaster waiting to happen.

[sinkerswim]

I was wondering the same thing when my fiance asked for his space on Feb. 3. (we were together 8 years)

I called him twice.. then I wrote a letter.

Then I called again. Sent a card.. then a few weeks later, I wrote a little note with my new address and phone number.

Then I called again last week. He didnt give me any answers.

 

Im wondering If I should have just left it alone..if anything would have been different?

Im desparate for answers and to just TALK TO HIM!

I am dying here.

 

I also know the feeling of wanting to contact the siblings you were close with. He has 8 brothers and sisters and I am close to a couple of them.

I already went to one of them to talk.. and he was mad at my boyfriend for doing this to me with no answers.

I want to write a letter to his other brother and girlfriend who live together, they always have us over on New Years and other times...they live an hour away from us. I want to thank them for everything, and tell them I love them, and hope we can stay in touch.

I wont do this for awhile though.