Feeling angry lately...

[JayL]

It's been a month since my 1 month and 2 weeks relationship ended, a relationship that felt like it was half a year long due to the time that we spent together and things we did together...

 

Since the break up, I kept myself busy, I work 9-5 and picked up night classes as well to pursue my marketing designation. I still do what I used to do before I met her, which is working out at the gym after work, go out with friends during weekends.

 

I don't know what it is but she's just stuck in my mind 24/7 no matter how busy I get.

 

I have been feeling anger lately and starting to have a feeling that she was messing around behind my back when we were still together, I feel that I've been played, lied to and led on. That she said words that she knew I wanted to hear to keep me around. While in the end, I did not see nor feel any "care" or even just a little scratch on her emotions.

 

I always wake up in the middle of the night with a mixed feeling of sadness, anger and loneliness. She's not my first girlfriend, she's my 4th and the shortest term. All my past relationships lasted for years, but when they ended I never felt this way, the feeling that I was betrayed and I keep holding on to it no matter how hard I try to let it go.

 

In the middle of the night I always have the urge to send her a text message and cuss her out for screwing me over, but I've so far managed to not do it.

 

If you're not familiar with my story, here is the link to my old post :

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/348835-still-trying-find-my-closure-any-idea

 

Sorry, I really just need to vent. I no longer want to mention this to my friends.... I just don't know what else to do to get her off my head and get rid of this feeling. I just wish I had ended it and did not let her walk all over me while I still had the chance to fight. I was too attached that she took advantage of my emotions and used it to make me feel that it was all my fault.

Edited October 1, 2012 by JayL

[LostOne1]

I feel a lot of the same that your feeling.

 

Rejection hurts, cheating hurts. I feel like my ex might have cheated on me too and used the "i need space" excuse to not feel guilty of giving this other guy a chance. She told me he said he liked her. And since she was 4 hours away for a month.. no chance for me.

 

I know the anger you feel, I feel it sometimes thinking how does my ex who's been with me for 3 yrs and the week of our anniversary pull this ****? How did she become so needy, that she has to find comfort from some stranger shes known for a month.

 

I always guilt myself into saying I was wrong, but at the end of the day. SHE was wrong TOO. She knew what she was doing and it wasn't right, but she still did it and felt NO guilt at all. It's as if she justified she was right at doing what she did.

 

Finding closure is tough.. for me I am tempted to text her now and see if shes cooled down. Because at this point I find I don't really care, and by me texting she will feel something, anger, guilt, happy, ego boost what ever it is.. at least she will know.

[Shellstartsagain]

Both of you Jay L and Lost one... Don't give your exes the satisfaction of a text. You both deserve so much better and if they are willing to let you go that is their fault. I know it's so hard it hurts but it will honestly pass and you will wonder in time why you ever felt like this and be so fearful you had the self worth and pride to not give into them. It's not as if they are banging your door down and you are ignoring them. You are taking this time to heal yourself and they will be say there wondering why you aren't banging their door down notated how happy they seem. You will seem strong to them and that will make them wonder more. The middle of the night is always worse in every way even if you are poorly it always seems worse in the night but in the morning it's usually better. It's not an easy time breaking up but you are both doing so well. Carry on a you are doing because you are doing fantastic.

[Shellstartsagain]

Plus the best closure comes from yourself. What they tell you is probably lies and leads to more questions later down the line. After time with nc all the questions and closure needs disappear and do not seem to matter anymore.

[JayL]

Plus the best closure comes from yourself. What they tell you is probably lies and leads to more questions later down the line. After time with nc all the questions and closure needs disappear and do not seem to matter anymore.

 

Thank you very much for your kind words....

 

I'm just feeling so much regret right now, that if I had known that this would happen, I would have never budged and let her call the shots.

 

I should have walked away when I still could and have kept my self-worth and ego.

 

In the end, it was my fault for not being strong enough and let her trample on me. I'm angry that I let her took advantage of that situation.

[Shellstartsagain]

Do not regret anything. It's the past its happened you cannot change that so no point wrecking your own head thinking about it. What you are doing now is showing her she can't trample on you. You could not have known this would happen as you are not a psychic so you can't beat yourself up for something you did not know was going to happen. If you hadn't have let her trample you may have been sat there thinking if only I had tried harder with her and been softer. In this situation you can't win because your mind is ticking working out every option. Even though it doesn't seem like it now you are in control of yourself and this is the present and your future so don't look back at what you have done wrong concentrate on being right now.

[suladas]

I feel the same way, I can't 100% remember some of what she said, but there is a small lingering feeling like she may have lied to me about some things, I creeped her facebook back a while ago, and that's when I found some stuff that don't seem to add up, but i'm not completely sure either. I hate that, because I don't know if it's true so you can't exactly text them bitching them out for it, because you don't know for sure. But if she did lie, I feel like a fool still being nice to her when she doesn't deserve it. I want to text her to, but there is nothing good that can come from it, but a few times i've come really close. I just think back to what happened the last few times and realize this time will very likely be the same and not do me any good.

 

I just decided to do a different approach. Delete her from facebook and send me a message that I did it to cut the last tie between us so I can move on. The way I see it it's not being desperate or anything, but at the same time if she has feelings it will make her want to contact me. If nothing else, it will be nice to no longer be able to see her facebook.

[Shellstartsagain]

If she did lie to you, yes it does hurt like mad but thank your lucky stars you no longer have to put with her lies anymore. You can sit and analyse it all which is quite normal but what does it matter now. You are moving on. You deserve better than to settle with someone who lies to you. You have been upfront and honest so we can't understand people who can't be the same to you. You would never treat her like that so you can't understand why she would. That just proves you aren't as compatible and you will find someone who deserves you. Well done on deleting the Facebook it's hard to do and it's more curiousity to look at her which becomes a habit. You used to talk and text so then you replace that with looking at their profile which sometimes makes you feel better (on a high) then sometimes it makes you feel worse.

[suladas]

Well the thing is, normally i'd just say forget her and who cares but we are next door neighbors, so whether we like it or not we still see each other. So if she was lying, my position is f**k her I will never talk to her or be a nice neighbor to her anymore. But if she's not i'd still like to return to being somewhat friendly neighbors eventually. That's the place i'm coming from. I really don't think she was lying, it's just not how she is. It was just timelines from when her and her ex separated that didn't seem to jive looking back on her facebook, not like overlapping with me or anything she was still seperated for at least a year and a half, just something that if she wasn't honest about that, what else is there? But then again, even when we were going out, her ex texted her to accept his friend request and to wish him a happy birthday and wouldn't stop bugging her until she did. He wanted to try and make it seem like they were still together, so it's tough to say.

 

I didn't delete her yet, but i'm going to. I am just back and forth if I should wait until she back from vacation. I kinda hate to bring something like this up when she's on her vacation. I was going to, but this morning I seen a picture of her from the weekend on vacation, she looked like hell. Unless it was just the picture she's put on a decent amount of weight and just in her face she looked really depressed so my heart kinda sank seeing that and feeling bad for her.

Edited October 1, 2012 by suladas

[Shellstartsagain]

I think it's too soon to be great neighbour. Feelings are too raw. How did you guys split?

[Bigbopper]

Ive hit the angry stage too guys. She is my 3rd long term relationship, and by far the worst break up, not least because she is carrying my child. We werent together long, but it was a happy accident. Or so I thought...

Now im wondering, was I tricked, was it a lie, was I simply a sperm donor?

 

She has deleted me and blocked me from fb (and her life it seems).

 

I just have to focus on myself, remain NC and get stronger.

 

One day, she will need me, I hope...

[Shellstartsagain]

It's always hard when kids are involved but I suppose more hope that there will be future contact. I cannot see any woman wanting to bring a child up alone but it would depend why it ended.

[JayL]

Ive hit the angry stage too guys. She is my 3rd long term relationship, and by far the worst break up, not least because she is carrying my child. We werent together long, but it was a happy accident. Or so I thought...

Now im wondering, was I tricked, was it a lie, was I simply a sperm donor?

 

She has deleted me and blocked me from fb (and her life it seems).

 

I just have to focus on myself, remain NC and get stronger.

 

One day, she will need me, I hope...

 

Do not hope.

 

Extinguish the little light of hope you have left and you will move on faster.

 

I still have hope and I've been trying to cut it off. It's what's delaying me from moving on.

[LostOne1]

Do not hope.

 

Extinguish the little light of hope you have left and you will move on faster.

 

I still have hope and I've been trying to cut it off. It's what's delaying me from moving on.

Well I think the first stage is hope.. you haven't moved on until hope is gone. Meaning once you feel there is no hope, then you mostly have moved on. It just means you will slowly don't care and don't want to get back now.

 

I feel I'm almost there.. I'm at the end of hope and almost about to jump to moving on. But the leap is a tough one to make right now.

[Shellstartsagain]

Do it... Jump. You will feel so much better when you have.

[JayL]

Well I think the first stage is hope.. you haven't moved on until hope is gone. Meaning once you feel there is no hope, then you mostly have moved on. It just means you will slowly don't care and don't want to get back now.

 

I feel I'm almost there.. I'm at the end of hope and almost about to jump to moving on. But the leap is a tough one to make right now.

 

To be honest, as much as I want to be with her, after realizing how badly she treated me, I absolutely have zero intentions of getting back with her.

 

She led me on for her own selfish reasons. She's the type of girl who likes the "challenge" , the "chase", the "thrill. She always said "I want what I can't get".

 

She did not get what she wanted within the first 2 weeks as I was still trying to analyze her actions, but when we became official, I became more open, I warmed up to her, I gave her my trust, that's when she started losing interest.

 

Something that I will never understand as she is 25 years old turning 26 in January. It felt like I was dealing with a girl who's still in frosh years of university/college.

 

As a man with morals and high standards, I normally will never date girls with history such as hers, which was sleeping around. A girl who labels sex as just a "fun" activity, rather than an act done by a couple to "make love" and strengthen the bond in the relationship. Despite knowing all those bothering facts, her history of sleeping with a stranger she met on her week vacation, strangers she met at parties in her early 20's, I still accepted her.

All my friends told me "she's so easy..." and my female friends said that she has no self-respect.

 

In return, this is what she's done to me... This is one of the big reasons why up to now, a month after the break up, I can't let go of a relationship that only lasted for 1.5 months.

 

My longest relationship was 3.5 years, it ended as we fell out of love. Although sad, I did not dwell on that and it was something acceptable. My second one lasted for over a year, people's perspective change as we grow older, she realized she wanted to have fun and be more casual, I did not, hence we ended it. I cried, I was sad, but the reason was legit and I was able to accept it.

 

My 3rd relationship lasted for about a year, we both just did not have that level of connection. We had different wants in life. I was sad, but again did not dwell on it...

 

But this one... 4th relationship which lasted for only 1.5 months... I'm so angry about what I went through... I feel betrayed.

Edited October 1, 2012 by JayL

[suladas]

I think it's too soon to be great neighbour. Feelings are too raw. How did you guys split?

 

She ended it, said she just doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. It was probably as mutual and drama free as a break up can get. I just have mixed feelings on it. She said a few times she didn't think she was good enough to be with me, that's why I have a tough time not contacting her.

 

It might be a bit to soon, I don't know haven't talked at all or texted in about 2 months now. I think it would be easier to talk a bit and work on being neighbors again now though then not talking for this long, or longer then trying to start again. But at the same time, if she was lying she doesn't deserve for me to be nice, that's why I kinda wish I would know.

 

I just don't know if she doesn't want to talk because she wants nothing to do with me, as neighbors or anything at all, or if she just needs more time before trying to get back to just neighbors. I mean, I sent her a text about her getting a new job she put on facebook, got no response but she didn't delete me on facebook after either. So I don't get it, if you don't want to talk to me why keep me on facebook if you know that's why I contacted you? All I said was congratz on the new job......

 

Oh well just going to delete her send her a short message why and see what happens.

[Bigbopper]

It's always hard when kids are involved but I suppose more hope that there will be future contact. I cannot see any woman wanting to bring a child up alone but it would depend why it ended.

 

I wish I knew why it ended! We had a row (about the lack of affection, which is a side affect of pregnancy that I didnt know, and wasnt prepared for). Our first row in what otherwise was a blissful relationship.

 

Now nothing, I hear through mutual friends that she is going it alone and is deleting me from her life. But then I also hear an ex is on the scene.

 

I cant help but start conspiracy theories, as this is the only thing I have. She is not giving me even a crumb. I know nothing about our baby, her health, our house, my stuff thats still there, its as if her head is in the sand and I am expected to ride it out?!!?

 

Ugh, bad day today guys