made plans to see her tonight...

[dannyhep]

Basicly my ex left me almost 2 months ago. She comes to the same university as me an I bumped into her the other day on a night out. I thought I started to get over her but seeing her made all my feelings rush back. We had a small chat an I showed her that I'd changed from how I was before. I said goodbye and asked if shed text me the day after. The next day I ended up texting her asking if shed like to go on a walk or something. She said yes and that it would be good to talk about it all. When I continued the conversation she said that I shouldn't get my hopes up, that she's happy with us being friends but our relationship is in the past for her. I still planned on going for a walk with her because I hoped that maybe talking to me may rekindle some feelings from her. Now I'm so scared an nervous of seeing her tonight. I know I'm going to get hurt but at the same time I know it would give me closure so I can move on properly. Should I go on the walk with her? Thanks.

[weallfalldown]

don't do it!....she said it was in the past, all your doing is pro longing your suffering!. i wouldn't entertain it. Go NC and stick at it, no matter how hard!...you'll regret it if you don't!.....we all have experience on here, and most have been there done that, so listen to what people tell you.

[TopCat22]

I'd go and see how you both feel. Don't go in with high hopes though, she has said she's moved on. You maybe right that seeeing you will bring up old feelings, but yo umight be wrong. Just go and be yourself. At least you will know you tried and if it doesn't go how you want, then yes it will hurt. The choice is yours.

[geegirl]

You should be scared and nervous because you are going to get hurt. The fact that you identify the possibility means that your head knows the reality of it. You however choose to be in denial and continue with your efforts to make someone love you.

 

"shouldn't get my hopes up, that she's happy with us being friends but our relationship is in the past for her."

 

A walk will not help rekindle feelings because she's put the relationship behind her.

[TheDovic]

I think we all know you're going to see her regardless of what any of us tells you to do!! I (and many others on here) did things like this too early on after my breakup, so if you have to learn this way then there's very little I can do to stop you. Just realise though that we're all giving you the same advice because we've made the same mistakes and don't want others to do the same.

 

We also all know how this is likely to end up, because we've been there. We've all done silly things like seeing our ex's even though we knew it was likely to hurt us because we have that tiny bit of hope. But given that so many of us have made the same mistake, maybe taking these risks is all part of the process of coming to terms with the end of the relationship.

 

Sooooo.... go and see her, and even hope things will work out how you want them to be, but just know there are people on this site to speak to if/when things go wrong and you feel sad. Importantly however, take stock from people like me and others on this site who are still sad, but a hell of a lot better than we were after two months. This will hopefully help you to realise that things do get easier over time.

 

Good luck!

Edited September 28, 2012 by TheDovic

[witmadskilllz]

It's all about timing, if she feels that it's okay to go for a 'walk' or so, then go and see how things will turn out. This would be the few last chances that you get to speak with her, and I know for a fact that, many of us with hopes in reconcile with our ex's don't get this opportunity. Better yet, don't go in with high expectations but so long as you are honest with your intentions and to let her know how you feel as well. If you get rejected again, then move on to NC, and wish her the best of luck, at least you're going into NC with all hopes removed and with certainty. In other words, this will help you in the long run knowing that you've tried your best and everything with no regrets so you won't ever look back in the past.

[Chi townD]

"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink."

 

One thing about women that I've learned is that they are the MOST STUBBORN CREATURES ON THE PLANET!

Once a woman makes up her mind, it's nearly impossible to change it. Because, if they change their mind, that may indicate that they are suggesting that they were wrong. And women are NEVER wrong. Therefore, some women would rather walk across 10 yards of broken glass barefoot than admit that they were wrong.

 

So, if she's convinced that the relationship is over, then it's over as far as she's concerned. I think you might be wasting your time and walking into a sales pitch for the "friend zone".

[JayL]

I think you should just let it go if she had shut you down when she felt that your intentions were to "attempt" to get back with her.

 

It's all up to you, in the end of the day, you're most likely going to get hurt, but at the same time, you're getting your closure and re-assurance that it really is over, which will be something you can hold on to while in the process of moving on.

 

We always have this tiny bit of hope, but sometimes all we need is a reality slap that will crush that last bit of hope left so we can fully move on.

 

Worse comes to worst, vent away through the forums.

 

Do whatever you need and want to do for you to fully get over this.

 

We all know how it feels to get hurt, we got your back if anything.

 

As an example, I attempted to contact my ex after 3 weeks of no communication, she had shut me down and told me to never message her again. The way she said it, how she said it and what she said proved to me that it really was over, that she has absolutely no desire to get back with me or to just even try to work things out. She no longer cares and that's the fact that I have to accept. Now, that's what I'm holding on to and it actually is helping me move on and accept the fact that it is over.

Edited September 28, 2012 by JayL