Sweetluvmel Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Hey everone. Any advice would be greatly appreciated here...This guy I dated for two months off (J) and on (he dumped me because he got scared then saw me again and said he missed me) stopped calling me out of the blue. Anyhow, it hurt and one night I went out to the bars with my friends and he was there. I didn't even recognize him.. he shaved his head and just looked different. He came right up to me (I didn't approach him) and asked how I was he looked kind of down and said he was doing alright. He left for the bathroom and then when he came back completely ran around me like he was avoiding me. I, being drunk and stupid, started flirting with this hot guy and danced with him and made out with him. Well (J) started flirting with a few girls trying to dance with them and all. I finally got the nerve went up to him and asked why he didn't call me! He was just like, I am so sorry (he apologized like 10 times) and he wanted to call me so bad but he got scared, said he didn't want to hurt my feelings. He can't hang out with me anymore and that he thinks I'm a wonderful and gorgeous girl and he said that he was an a**hole for what he did and he understands if I hate him. I was shocked that he said this to me and hurt because I can't hate him I care about him and it seems like he never cared... Then he points to his head and says, I am seriously f*ed up melissa really I can't help it and that I'm not emotionally stable yet ( i know he's still not over his ex that he dated for 2 and a half years).. I asked him if there was another girl he said no, I asked him if it was me he said no.. he just can't be with me. Basically i thought he was a great guy and I told him that I wanted to just be friends, that is all I wanted and he can't even do that! Why doesn't he want to be friends? I don't understand this at all. If he wasn't interested he should of just told me! Everyone says he does care about me but he has alot of problems and that is why and I should just let him go. He left things at "I'll talk to you later..." and then he perceded to try to hit on other girls in front of me.. was he just trying to make me jealous? It did work.. and I have never heard a guy say this before! Is it just an excuse or is he really unbalanced? ( By the way I am 21 he's 22) I do miss him alot... Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 I don't see much of a future with him, break off contact then start looking for a new guy. Link to post Share on other sites
WWDDFD Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 I'm still trying to get past the whole "making out with a completely random guy you just met" thing... what the hell. Link to post Share on other sites
overseas2004 Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Yes I would say you were a rebound girl. Had you met under different circumstances you may have ended up a couple. I broke off with an ex whom I had been with for 6 years. And the next three guys all got dumped. One of them was even really perfect. Yet no one can compare. I just got dumped recently and this new guy has been pursuing me. I am staying away from him for now because I really don't want to hurt anyone. Plus don't want to ruin the chance for a future with him in 3 -4 months when I get over this crap. So forget about it. He told you plainly "its not you". He needs to get over someone who meant a lot to him. You can't wipe that away with 2 months with someone else. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweetluvmel Posted March 9, 2004 Author Share Posted March 9, 2004 Thanks for your advice... lol well it wasn't a complete random guy.. it's my good friend Dave but I meant by random that I just kissed him so I could make "J" jealous, even though afterward I felt like crap. yeah i know I am the rebound girl.. it hurts because he really is a good guy even though the way he ended it was bad... I just wished we could be friends. Maybe in the future he'll try calling me again? I don't know .. should I keep that option open? Link to post Share on other sites
Velveteel Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 He was a jerk for not calling, but basically, he's telling you he's not interested in you. He didn't want to keep dating you, and he doesn't want a friendship. He may think a lot of you, but he doesn't want you in his life, and you don't need anyone around you who isn't really interested in being there. Move on! There are so many better things to do than wait around for Prince Charmless. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweetluvmel Posted March 10, 2004 Author Share Posted March 10, 2004 I just need to vent right now! It just hurts.. I saw him today on campus but he didn't see me and I didn't feel like talking to him and saying hi... anyways I should have known from the begining, red flags were there. He would ask me on our 3rd date what I wanted for the future then he said my ex was so concerned with money.. I remember asking why they break up and he just looked at me funny and said I really don't want to talk about it. I feel like he used me and then just dropped me. We did have some great times together and he did say that he wanted to pursue something with me and "we'll see what happens" then he just stopped calling. I know I need to move on and I'm trying it's just hard because he was a good guy and respectful in some ways, which I won't get into. The fact that he said I have problems and I am emotionally unstable was a red flag... and the fact that when we were talking he said something strange like "your such a great, wondeful person that I know you wouldn't judge me and I do have low self esteem"... and this makes me wonder if he just used me to make himself feel worthy and then when he felt better he just couldn't be with me anymore. I wonder if that is what he meant? He must care about me in some way though right? ( this might be a factor but he told me he was a pot head and recently quit.. when he told me he kinda cried and said that he is a sensitive guy..) this guy is emotionally nuts!! Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted March 10, 2004 Share Posted March 10, 2004 when a guy says he is not emotionally stable, believe him. who cares if he had feelings for you? by his own admission, his feelings are neither deep nor constant. he's not a good guy, he's not a worthy guy, and you only hurt yourself by thinking about him. don't play Rescue Girl. it's lame and unfulfilling: the source of your esteem will shortly become the source of your downfall. Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted March 10, 2004 Share Posted March 10, 2004 Jen, how can you read this stuff, much less reply. You're much more patient than me: I gotta have paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweetluvmel Posted March 11, 2004 Author Share Posted March 11, 2004 Thanks for the advice. I'm new here and I never posted before but it does seem to help. I think my problem with relationships has to do with the fact that I was with one guy for 4 years who was emotionally abusive towards me.. really bad. It finally ended and every single guy I met I ended up hurting because I was definitely not over him and what he did, I was still in love with him. Now I am over him and I met this guy *J* who at first treated me like a queen and made me feel so good about myself, I have never had that before. He said he wanted to teach me to snowboard and take me dancing; he would tell me how gorgeous I was all the time and he cooked me dinner. I was in heaven! I honestly never had a great guy like this. Then when he ended it, almost as quickly as it started, I was devasted. I was so looking forward to the things we were going to do together and just having him with me. Everyone tells me that it's not that I really miss him, it's that I miss the "ideal him" the way he treated me because I never had that before.. and maybe their right. They also tell me that I'm just in need of attention, anyone who will treat me good and say nice things to me. Then I realize that it's just talk and action speaks louder than words. Sure, he made me feel so special by being with me for the 1st month but the second month, he never showed it. Stopped calling and stopped wanting to hang out with me... oh well right? Link to post Share on other sites
Dixiecron Posted March 11, 2004 Share Posted March 11, 2004 Initiate no contact and spend some time with yourself and with your friends. Do some thinking about why you seem to be attracted to people who treat you like crap. From what you said about your past I think you already know the answer, but sometimes you need to have a long talk with yourself to figure it out. Maybe there is no answer, but the process is still good since you may learn things about yourself you didn't know. Take some time out from dating. Just because a clown messed you up (for a little while, not forever) doesn't mean you have to go out looking for attention and messing up some decent guys just so you can feel better. Remember, what goes around comes around. Link to post Share on other sites
purpleknif67 Posted March 11, 2004 Share Posted March 11, 2004 I just re-read your post and the part where you confront him and he apologizes over and over again, calls himself and a@@hole and says he is not right in the head is really something to worry about. Whether he really is an emotional basket case or this is all a bunch of bull, if you care about yourself let him go. I agree with the other post, just take it easy from the whole dating thing for awhile and take really good care of yourself. If you are like me, you'll drive yourself crazy with worry for a couple of days and then you will start to come out of it. I think I should start a thread about nice things to do for yourself while you are recovering from crappy-guy-breakup stuff--take a bubble bath, buy a small box of godiva chocolates, put on your favorite CD and sing out loud, go to a movie by yourself, I'll try to think of more!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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