Charizard Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Just last week, my girlfriend of 4 and 1/2 years broke up with me, claiming that she didn't love me anymore. She said that she only loves me as a friend now. What led her to this realisation is that we hadn't had sex in a couple of months, and she didn't know why this was. A few nights before we broke up, I asked her to make out and she said she was too tired, and that's what set off alarms for herself. I always treated her the best I could, and I feel like I'm a pretty good guy, so I have no idea what happened. Outside of the bedroom, we were perfectly happy. We still kissed and cuddled and held hands, plus we talked about everything. A few weeks before the break-up, we decided maybe it was her birth control that killed her sex drive, so she got off it, but I wasn't around long enough to see if it worked. Apparently, she's been feeling like this for a while, but only realised that she doesn't love me anymore the day we broke up. So, to me, she seems confused, and I feel she still loves me. We lived together and everything. The weird thing is that when I was moving my stuff back to my parent's house, we talked like normal, and she even let me cuddle her and kiss her a few times. Mind you, she let me, not initiated it. So I don't know, I could really use some advice on what to do. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Toru Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Speaking from experience: 90% chance there is another guy in the picture. Did you ever get any signals this might be the case? Link to post Share on other sites
DMS Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 I would have to agree, possibly another guy. Back in March my ex girlfriend, also of 4 1/2 years fed me the exact same line about loving me as a friend but nothing more. A short time later I found out she was dating a guy she met online in one of the games we played that she had said was just a friend. It sucks, I know but at least you have other people that have been there to help you through it. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Agreed. I'm female and I pulled this same thing. Girls will rarely if ever leave a relationship unless they know they have something waiting for them once they leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Samilia Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Just last week, my girlfriend of 4 and 1/2 years broke up with me, claiming that she didn't love me anymore. She said that she only loves me as a friend now. What led her to this realisation is that we hadn't had sex in a couple of months, and she didn't know why this was. A few nights before we broke up, I asked her to make out and she said she was too tired, and that's what set off alarms for herself. I always treated her the best I could, and I feel like I'm a pretty good guy, so I have no idea what happened. Outside of the bedroom, we were perfectly happy. We still kissed and cuddled and held hands, plus we talked about everything. A few weeks before the break-up, we decided maybe it was her birth control that killed her sex drive, so she got off it, but I wasn't around long enough to see if it worked. Apparently, she's been feeling like this for a while, but only realised that she doesn't love me anymore the day we broke up. So, to me, she seems confused, and I feel she still loves me. We lived together and everything. The weird thing is that when I was moving my stuff back to my parent's house, we talked like normal, and she even let me cuddle her and kiss her a few times. Mind you, she let me, not initiated it. So I don't know, I could really use some advice on what to do. Thanks I left my ex 4 years ago because I didn't love him anymore. So she could be telling the truth. Another guy could be in the picture yes. What do you think it is? The kissing and the hugs, that can be a way to let you go smoothly, without drama. It's a good thing that you're back at your parents, at least you're not alone staring at the ceiling. I would give it some time, and maybe have another talk, see what's really going on, if there is a "really", she might have just fallen out of love, it happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Yeah, sorry. But, I agree with the others. She basically gave you the "ILYBINILWY" speech and the decrease or lack of sex and You have to start everything are big red flags that there's someone else. Sorry for your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Blastoplast Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 There could be another guy, there also could be some personal drama that she's not letting you know about that has been making her distant. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Charizard Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 Thanks for all your replies. I'm 99% sure there isn't another guy, as she doesn't really know any guys and we were always around each other so it's not like she had time for anybody else anyways. She said to me that she really wished this didn't happen and that she hopes she can find those feelings for me again. I'm very tempted to go to her house and fight for her, as we have had no contact since I moved out and I've just been laying in my depression for the last week basically. I really don't know what to do. She said she wants space, but I can't just sit here and let her slide away from me. When we were a couple and having problems with sex, I would get upset everytime she denied me, so she slowly felt like there was something wrong with her and was constantly searching for a solution and I guess she decided that it was because she didn't love me anymore. Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
salmagundi Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 If she asked for space you have to give it to her. If you don't you will look needy and desperate to her and she will push you away even harder. You can't make her change her mind. There is no argument you can make, no grand gesture, hail mary pass that will change what she feels. You are far better off giving her space and getting over her. In any case, do you really want her back or are you only missing the security of a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Charizard Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 No, it's definitely her that I really want back. I love her so much, and we had a lot of fun together. I felt like the happiest guy in the world when I was with her... Link to post Share on other sites
Sameold Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Basically happened to me mate, she broke up with me completely out of the blue after 4 years. Then I logged in to her fb account and found a few overly friendly inappropriate messages to some guy at work. Our relationship was suffering because of work anyway, all the commuting, living in a strange town miles from anywhere. Shed denied the messages were anything more than stupid flirting but I have now found out she is dating the guy...I sent her some truthfully brutal messages stating how much I am disgusted with her etc. It's wierd cus I know she has been crying to her sister about the fact she "never left me for anyone else" and maybe she didn't exactly, she didn't cheat. Ultimately I think she just can't accept her behaviour as she hates to think of herself as a bad person and thinks she's just doing what's right. Anyway, I'm in NC now and feeling better. This sucks but ask yourself, do you really want to marry someone who could be led away from your love even if things get really bad? Be strong, if you're angry and disgusted tell her if you must, it helped me and I know it hit a cord with her....then leave it though, block her on fb and dissapear with your head held high, she has walked away from you dude and she's lost you. She will soon enough become another fool on the GIG program. Link to post Share on other sites
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