Ex Contacted Me Last Night After 3 Months No Contact

[RegularNiceGuy]

I lurk here a lot but have only posted once. So heres a brief history.

 

My ex boyfriend and I (Yes, Im gay) had been together for 8 years. I'm 30, hes 28.

 

My boyfriend dumped me last November. He was dissatisfied with our life. He said I made him happy but he wanted to be "happier" and that he needed "more." He was a bit of a bipolar person. We got along great but in the last couple years he would go through these spurts of drinking and partying. He even got into a drunk driving accident last year because of one of these spurts. He was almost manic because there would be no talking him out of it. I often felt it was my fault because I wasnt a partier and hated going out drinking with him because he could be so unpredictable. Anyway...Im getting off on a tangent.

 

Anyway, after a trip to Florida he dumped me. We didnt speak for almost 2 months and though he reached out 2x. Once when my grand dad died and then on Christmas.

 

When we talked in February he reiterated that he didnt want to get back together with me. He wants more. Wants to leave Massachusetts and move to Miami. Sees this break as a "new beginning." I told him in March, after some back and forth texts, that I loved him more than anything and but it wasnt fair to continue talking or having contact because I couldnt move forward. I told him if he wanted to work on us I would be open to it, but other than than, I cant talk to him.

 

After 3 months, he hit me up last night at 1:30 am. A text, just asking me if I was promoting a show a local fair. I didnt answer the text. Then at 2:30 he called and left a message and asked about the show and said I should call him if I could and if not he would talk to me later.

 

Soooo.... I'm smart enough to realize he was drunk and maybe he was missing me a little, so thats why he called. He isnt looking to get back together. My issue is, I really do love and care about him and I feel like if I dont call him back, Im going to be kicking myself in the ass in a few weeks. I also know that if we do talk that I am going to regret talking to him because its not going to lead to reconciliation. Its just going to be more heartbreak because hes still drinking and being "free."

 

Its a catch 22. I've had to deal with a lot of deaths in the last couple years ( my 2 older brothers died very young) and before he contacted me, I would get very nervous that something would happen to him and I would never be able to have him in my life.

 

I love him deeply. I just wish he would go back to being the man I fell in love with, instead of this hyper sexual drinker who wants to flee to the bright sunshine of Florida.

[ihateslowjams]

I lurk here a lot but have only posted once. So heres a brief history.

 

My ex boyfriend and I (Yes, Im gay) had been together for 8 years. I'm 30, hes 28.

 

My boyfriend dumped me last November. He was dissatisfied with our life. He said I made him happy but he wanted to be "happier" and that he needed "more." He was a bit of a bipolar person. We got along great but in the last couple years he would go through these spurts of drinking and partying. He even got into a drunk driving accident last year because of one of these spurts. He was almost manic because there would be no talking him out of it. I often felt it was my fault because I wasnt a partier and hated going out drinking with him because he could be so unpredictable. Anyway...Im getting off on a tangent.

 

Anyway, after a trip to Florida he dumped me. We didnt speak for almost 2 months and though he reached out 2x. Once when my grand dad died and then on Christmas.

 

When we talked in February he reiterated that he didnt want to get back together with me. He wants more. Wants to leave Massachusetts and move to Miami. Sees this break as a "new beginning." I told him in March, after some back and forth texts, that I loved him more than anything and but it wasnt fair to continue talking or having contact because I couldnt move forward. I told him if he wanted to work on us I would be open to it, but other than than, I cant talk to him.

 

After 3 months, he hit me up last night at 1:30 am. A text, just asking me if I was promoting a show a local fair. I didnt answer the text. Then at 2:30 he called and left a message and asked about the show and said I should call him if I could and if not he would talk to me later.

 

Soooo.... I'm smart enough to realize he was drunk and maybe he was missing me a little, so thats why he called. He isnt looking to get back together. My issue is, I really do love and care about him and I feel like if I dont call him back, Im going to be kicking myself in the ass in a few weeks. I also know that if we do talk that I am going to regret talking to him because its not going to lead to reconciliation. Its just going to be more heartbreak because hes still drinking and being "free."

 

Its a catch 22. I've had to deal with a lot of deaths in the last couple years ( my 2 older brothers died very young) and before he contacted me, I would get very nervous that something would happen to him and I would never be able to have him in my life.

 

I love him deeply. I just wish he would go back to being the man I fell in love with, instead of this hyper sexual drinker who wants to flee to the bright sunshine of Florida.

 

First, my condolences to you and your family.

 

Next, i THINK you shouldn't contact him. He dumped you for those dumb reasons and I don't think he has changed. At his age, thats pretty immature for him to have a mindset like that. Him contacting you is just him missing the comfortability of your relationship. I say to ignore him unless its something important. Him contacting you at those hours doesn't mean anything but a drunk text/call, which you know already.