They'll probably never stop loving you.

[olddirtyspatula]

I'm not the dumped, I'm the dumper. I disposed of someone I loved like he was a corpse in a dumpster. That's a sloppy image but I lack the stomach to adequately describe the violence I did him. I cut him off like he meant nothing, and it's the worst thing I've ever done. I hope it's the worst thing I ever do, that I never get a chance to top it.

 

I'm not really sure what I'm doing here. I know he posted here a lot after we broke up so someday l'll read through the records to try to figure out who he is, and force myself to face up to what I've done.

 

Everyone here is different and maybe I resemble some of your exes or maybe I don't. I'm not sure if I can say anything that might offer anyone comfort or answers that your exes didn't give you.

 

I cut him off pretty immediately. We spent almost 3 years together and I broke up with him over email (I was out of the country). We had a few phone conversations over the proceeding 2 weeks or so, and then nothing. I'm not saying this to win myself any friends here, just setting the scene.

 

I guess my point is that at the same time I was ignoring him and making him feel like he meant nothing, I was loathing myself, feeling like if I could do that to someone I loved I could probably do anything without remorse, even shoot someone. I started to engage in pretty risky behavior without caring because I felt like my life didn't mean anything after I had been so callous to someone that I loved. This wasn't all of the time, it fluctuated. There were times where I thought I was doing the right thing, because we got to a low point where neither of us was happy so I fantasized that without me he was doing fine, that assuming he would be sad over me was an act of narcissism on my part, that I had been preventing him from achieving some of his goals. But I was never happy about it. and I never mocked him, or had that "haha so glad to be without you **** you" stage that he thinks I did.

 

I was with someone else most of the time. That was the catalyst-- I left the country and mistook my infatuation for another person's lifestyle with infatuation with him in general, and mistook my interest in another person as evidence I had stopped loving my ex. The whole 3 years my ex and I were together I never looked at anyone else, so I thought being interested in someone meant I had stopped loving him. That's part of why I ignored him so much; I had misguided loyalty to the new guy. And I couldn't have done it if I had to face up to it. I try not to think about it, I've spent over a year trying not to think about it, because remembering the sound of his voice when we talked on the phone afterwards is unbearable.

 

It didn't take me too terribly long to realize I had made a horrible mistake. The self-loathing started that same day, but I was able to compartmentalize it so it only showed up sometimes, once a month or so. I tried to come back to him once, about a week later I tried to take it back but when I called the infatuation-man to tell him I couldn't talk to him anymore he talked me out of it, and I'm ashamed to say that in that situation I had someone I had hurt saying hateful things to me and someone else telling me I had done nothing wrong, I took the easy way out and agreed with the man that didn't hate me. I wish I had had the backbone to know I had done something wrong when people were telling me I hadn't. I wish I could honestly blame the other person for knowingly taking what wasn't his, but he had no reason to be loyal and I had every reason to be, and I failed.

 

I'm not trying to digress too much. My point is just that even if they're ignoring you, making you feel like you mean nothing, it's not necessarily true. Before too long I knew I had done a horrible thing and left a great man for a monster, but I didn't see any way back, so I deluded myself into coming to terms with it by thinking he was better off without me. I even got to this really strange psychological place where I had to pretend he had died, because I couldn't bear the thought that we weren't together and it was completely because of a decision of mine. So I had to start thinking of him in the same way I thought of a close friend of mine who had died.

 

The worst part about all of this is if I had quit with the self-loathing guilt bull**** sooner and had the balls to atone for it, every day I avoided it is a day he was unnecessarily miserable. Not that apologizing would have made him feel better. I've tried and I don't think it helps. But maybe it wouldn't have been so hopeless if I hadn't waited a year to do so.

 

I still think he's better off without me. But maybe I'm just saying that because my brain won't let me not try to find a silver lining. My point is just that your exes probably love you a lot more than they're acting like they do, and maybe they really aren't good enough for you. If i had a fraction of the character my ex has I wouldn't have created this situation. I'm not saying you should give them a second chance, they'll probably **** up again. I'm just saying try not to be too down on yourself over someone's inability to cherish what they have.

[ihateslowjams]

I really want to believe that my ex still cared about me to the same extent as you with yours, but its really hard to. She's been partying every damn night, she's always flirtatious when she drinks, and she has always gone from relationship to relationship. Im 100% positive she has found another man to replace me because she mentioned i didn't have the qualities she was looking for and it took her 3 1/2 years to figure this out...

 

I highly doubt she still loves me to any sort of degree because she mentioned she stopped loving me and said "I'm not attracted to you at all anymore. I tried to, but i can't ever."

 

Im glad you hold your ex in high regard. My ex looked down on me from the beginning, and that same look got worse when we broke up.

[Edtheduck]

Very open and honest post. I applaude you on your honesty. It gives us, the dumpees, an insight into what they might be thinking. But I guess everyone is different right.

 

May I ask, do you still think of him, and want a 2nd chance? Or is that you've talked yourself out of it so many times you just can't face up to it anymore? Do you still keep in contact or have just left them to get on with their lives?

 

I always wonder what my ex is thinking, and, like you, she has gone into another relationship not far after disposing of me.

[BlazePT]

It's really good to see the dumper's point of view on a break up. It kind of made me feel a lot better (i'm the dumpee). Made me see things in a whole different perspective. Of course, all people are different and all circumstances are different as well.

 

Although I'm feeling really hurt with someone who kind of acted somewhat similar to the way you did, a month ago (about cutting him off completely), after a 3 year r'ship , I have to say to you, i really aplaude you attitude and coming clean.

 

Don't beat yourself up to it. If you made a mistake, you're only human and there's plenty of time to learn from our mistakes and even make it up to them. If we didn't make mistakes, there would be no way of learning from them, so we can be a better person.

 

I'm actually talking to you as if i were my ex's friend talking to her. It's hard for me to admit it, but it's the logic and right way to deal with this.

 

By the way, could you give me a timeline? Like, how long ago did all this happen, etc?

 

If you want to read my story..

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/331175-ex-broke-up-me-after-3-years-she-just-cut-off-all-contact

[nyox]

Hi,

 

I have some questions for you.

 

Do you think you will ever find peace with yourself and do you think you will ever be happy?

 

Don't you think you are being selfish by concluding that he is better off without you? Have you considered dropping your ego and just apologize and try find out how he still feels about you?

 

Dont you think he needs a closure? cos some people who have been hurt like this never heal easily and they might decide to cut of everyone or have trust issues with anyone or even perhaps have trouble forming other relationships

[Shinobi]

Well, as you describe your behaviour I see pretty much of it in my ex. She left me for another man but did not had the courage to step up and tell me anything. I caught her in action (just to mention that she was telling me "I love you, my love" and so on days before that) with this new guy and I just turned around and left. She remained with this fag and NEVER said anything to me. She hurt me deadly but that's ok. This happened 3 months ago.

 

Reading your post just confirmes the thought that nothing is as it seems from the side. You made your choice, your ex was down without any hope and he thought what a fool he was to think you loved him (I'm sure because I feel pretty much like that). You were with the other man and in your ex's eyes everything seemed perfect for you. But... this was not the case. I also see my ex being "happy" with her new bf but... who knows? Is that really the case?

 

Maybe, but there is no normal person who has done such a thing to you and not feeling guilty or sad when thinking of you. The dupmees think that the other person moved on with a snap of the fingers, that years of memories were just forgotten. This cannot happen and they will think of you even after years, especially if they go through tough times themselves.

 

OP, thank you for your perspective, it was very comfortable for me reading it, because I was left in the dust without any answers. This is a huge burden I will have to carry for awhile... It's not easy to question yourself and be left to wonder...

 

They claim to be happy? Harldly the case but even if so how much happyer than being with you could they be??? When the honeymoon ends what remains? Do not lose hope. Just listen to this song and know that nothing is as it seems.

 

Keith Urban - You'll Think Of Me - YouTube

Edited June 17, 2012 by Shinobi

[BlazePT]

Well, as you describe your behaviour I see pretty much of it in my ex. She left me for another man but did not had the courage to step up and tell me anything. I caught her in action (just to mention that she was telling me "I love you, my love" and so on days before that) with this new guy and I just turned around and left. She remained with this fag and NEVER said anything to me. She hurt me deadly but that's ok. This happened 3 months ago.

 

Reading your post just confirmes the thought that nothing is as it seems from the side. You made your choice, your ex was down without any hope and he thought what a fool he was to think you loved him (I'm sure because I feel pretty much like that). You were with the other man and in your ex's eyes everything seemed perfect for you. But... this was not the case. I also see my ex being "happy" with her new bf but... who knows? Is that really the case?

 

Maybe, but there is no normal person who has done such a thing to you and not feeling guilty or sad when thinking of you. The dupmees think that the other person moved on with a snap of the fingers, that years of memories were just forgotten. This cannot happen and they will think of you even after years, especially if they go through tough times themselves.

 

OP, thank you for your perspective, it was very comfortable for me reading it, because I was left in the dust without any answers. This is a huge burden I will have to carry for awhile... It's not easy to question yourself and be left to wonder...

 

They claim to be happy? Harldly the case but even if so how much happyer than being with you could they be??? When the honeymoon ends what remains? Do not lose hope. Just listen to this song and know that nothing is as it seems.

 

Keith Urban - You'll Think Of Me - YouTube

 

Hey, Shinobi, thanks a LOT for the video I really enjoyed it! Cheers, mate!

[AlexDP]

I hate you too, OP. Nah, just kidding. I do think you're looking at things the wrong way. You're presenting this as inevitable. Truth is, you can change it all, you just don't want to.

[olddirtyspatula]

My ex looked down on me from the beginning, and that same look got worse when we broke up.

If that's true she did you a favor. You deserve to be with someone who thinks you're the bee's knees.

 

May I ask, do you still think of him, and want a 2nd chance? Or is that you've talked yourself out of it so many times you just can't face up to it anymore? Do you still keep in contact or have just left them to get on with their lives?

Yes I think of him constantly, no I don't want a second chance. I wish I'd had the wisdom to see what was going on at the time. At the time that we broke up I was full of bull**** ideas that since the both of us were unhappy we needed to be set free blah blah blah. The **** is, if I hadn't have destroyed everything I never would have appreciated him, so I do think that it was inevitable in some form or another, but I still wish it hadn't happened. If that makes sense. We were not in contact for a year, then I emailed him a few times to apologize and it just makes him angry.

 

Do you think you will ever find peace with yourself and do you think you will ever be happy?

1) Probably eventually. Again, this is me not trying to make friends here, trying to be honest: I had gotten pretty good at not thinking about it. When I thought about it I'd get very upset, so I thought my only option was to try to do everything *but* think about it (maybe that's why some of your ex's are partying so hard). I am gifted with a bad memory and there are an infinite number of things one can distract themselves with, if they are so inclined. It would always come back, but it wasn't there all of the time.

If I wanted to I could probably throw myself into more distractions and spend more time not thinking about it, but that's not what I want any more. I am trying to figure out how to atone for it but the kicker about being the kind of self-absorbed person that can ignore someone she loves while they're hurting is that I don't know how. I've apologized to him in ways that feel heartfelt to me but stink of self-righteousness to him, and the people I had surrounded myself with don't think I did anything wrong, so now I'm offering myself up as an effigy for others to burn, and hope maybe by being honest I can help provide some answers.

Don't you think you are being selfish by concluding that he is better off without you? Have you considered dropping your ego and just apologize and try find out how he still feels about you?

yes. I did not know it at the time, it felt genuine. but now I know it was self-serving. I did apologize and he hates me, but I can't blame him for it.

 

You're presenting this as inevitable. Truth is, you can change it all, you just don't want to.

I think it's too late. anyway, the thing about it all is I don't want to go home. I miss him like crazy and I wish I hadn't lost the opportunity to have him in my life, but I don't want to go back to where we were. I just wish i hadn't made it impossible for us to have anything to do with each other. Or I wish I were equipped with higher sensitivity to know what to do. All of the horrible things I've done really seemed right at the time. Very few people intentionally hurt each other like they do in movies.

[EmergenC]

I think it's too late. anyway, the thing about it all is I don't want to go home. I miss him like crazy and I wish I hadn't lost the opportunity to have him in my life, but I don't want to go back to where we were. I just wish i hadn't made it impossible for us to have anything to do with each other. Or I wish I were equipped with higher sensitivity to know what to do. All of the horrible things I've done really seemed right at the time. Very few people intentionally hurt each other like they do in movies.

 

Hey OP, I gotta say don't count yourself out just yet. After the length of time you guys have been apart, it's not about "going back to where we were". It's about starting afresh.

 

If you guys can find a means to start communicating once again you may have it all to play for. It sounds like you have suffered under this. And you don't want to be in a marriage 10 years down the line and he becomes "the one that got away", or you get caught up in "what ifs".

 

It would only be natural perhaps at first from him to be angry. Remember the "hurt people, hurt people" cliche.

 

I'm going to +1 vote you for giving this a shot. I don't know how long it's been or what state your communication is in, but give it a try. If he continues to rebut you then you have your answer and can find peace in knowing that you tried.

 

If you can get past his anger, if he can find a true way past his resentment and accept your apologies, I think you guys have everything to play for.

 

The fact he was angry with you shows even after all that time there is something there still. If he re-acted to you with indifference then you would know he had moved on pretty much.

 

All I see perhaps is two hurt people, with buried emotions between one another who lost the ability to communicate. Don't you give up on this just yet.

 

--Want to add, if you can. Don't torment yourself by reading his posts here. It's almost like looking through someones personal diary. We're here to vent and find solace. If you can find the strength i'd let that one go.

Edited June 17, 2012 by EmergenC

[Sugarkane]

Thanks for sharing your story as I'm always confused as hell how dumpers convince themselves what their doing is right. I do think they stop loving us though- like me where there was no reason to breakup and my ex could have at least TRIED to communicate with me. He didn't have to dump me cruelly.

 

Or my rebound who dumped me for being "single". Then was dating another girl straight after [thank you fakebook]. Begged me back and then stood me up. Then verbally abused ME by text. WTF?

 

I'd rather walk over hot coals than get back with an ex. I never saw any ounce of regret. Too little, too late. They never seem to regret it either.

[wilsonx]

According to this forum and especially the second chance forum, this post is impossible, people never change and grow up. Ex's never think about nor care for the person they dump.

 

IT NEVER HAPPENS... well it happens ALL THE TIME.

 

People make mistakes, mature, grow up, deal with their demons, emotions etc.

 

The tricky thing is paying attention to their current mindset, its been a year and OP knows that she will never stop loving her ex but currently doesnt want him back. See where a lot of people get confused hurt annoyed at this reconciliation process? The fat lady hasnt sung yet!

Edited June 17, 2012 by wilsonx

[Sugarkane]

Maybe Wilson, but I'm yet to see an ex of mine grow up or change.

[LilThalie]

I guess there's always a difference between realizing you'll always love someone and wanting someone back, regardless of being the sumper or dumpee.

See, I love my ex, it's only been three weeks, so that's normal I guess. And I'm pretty sure I'll never stop loving him, just the way I love him is probably going to change. And I also want him in my life as a friend, as someone I shared a short but important phase of my life with me, someone that helped me grow and stand up for myself. Not now, obviously. Does that mean I want him back? Not necesarrily. If he would call now, asking me to get back, I wouldn't. Not because I hate him for breaking up with me, I don't. But because I'm hung up on what happened. There's a lot of things that happened that I didn't process yet. I'm not going to say I wouldn't give him a chance ever again. You never know what happens years from now. For now, moving on is what I have to do, sometimes I don't want to and sometimes I just wish he was there. But I know time is what I need to give this situation for myself, my life and also for him. Time doesn't mean two weeks, time means a long time, maybe even a lifetime. And if somewhere along the way we will meet again, it won't be rebuilding something we had but building something new. And if we don't then I'm up for something different, something equally great and I'll be open and free for that. It's a journey there'll be many different emotions on the way but I think we all know the moments that are worth working through the bad times and those moments will only happen with new people, a new improved me and somebody new or the new person the ex became.

[without]

well that's awful...brings back memories..brings back memories...BOOM!

[Jono85]

I think it's too late. anyway, the thing about it all is I don't want to go home. I miss him like crazy and I wish I hadn't lost the opportunity to have him in my life, but I don't want to go back to where we were. I just wish i hadn't made it impossible for us to have anything to do with each other. Or I wish I were equipped with higher sensitivity to know what to do. All of the horrible things I've done really seemed right at the time. Very few people intentionally hurt each other like they do in movies.

 

 

maybe he still hates you b/c it doesn't sound like you actually want it that bad. it sounds like you're half-assing it and reaching out to him b/c you're incredibly lonely and remember how much he loved you. it kind of disgusts me that you're being so open about all of this and make it sound like you made the mistake of your life, yet you're not breaking down doors to make him realize you truly messed up and will do anything to prove to him you want to try and make it work. no doubt he went through more hurt than he probably knew was possible that year, unless you are relentless in your efforts, and then when you're tired of being relentless, you become even more relentless in trying to get him back, he probably won't believe you.

 

just sort of angers me that you haven't painted a picture that suggests you've really gone above and beyond to reach out. have you even showed up at his door? telling some strangers on a forum is nothing to feel proud of, go tell him all these things in person.

 

 

OR...maybe it's time to be honest, and you don't really want to be with him at all...

[wilsonx]

You can't build a house in a day. You have unreal expectations.

 

You start by laying the foundation, then start to build the house brick by brick. It's a 2 person effort. The op is doing this now and this is how reconciliations work over a long period of time

[Phanpooh]

@olddirtyspatula: that a awkward moment, mby i'm that lucky boy )

Just kidding ) But you are the same with my ex ^_^ and i'm sorry, you r trying to ignore a person who was with you for 3y and now you think that called "love"? in my words, i should call it "guilty" ) and let me tell you, that suck feeling will follow you. He may forgive you But it's so hard to forgive yourself.

Edited June 17, 2012 by Phanpooh

[olddirtyspatula]

you r trying to ignore a person who was with you for 3y and now you think that called "love"? in my words, i should call it "guilty" ) and let me tell you, that suck feeling will follow you. He may forgive you But it's so hard to forgive yourself.

 

Right. And here's what I don't understand, and maybe this is evidence that I'm a sociopath and don't process emotions like normal people. I'm serious. I don't understand this:

You just said the same thing he did-- "You don't love me, you just feel guilty, want to feel better, etc etc etc"

What's the difference? Why is that bad, to feel guilty for having hurt someone? Should I not feel guilty? I don't understand why that's wrong, or proof that I'm ****. We live very far away from each other, I could easily never see or speak to or think of him again, why does he/do you think that it's wrong that I have a lower opinion or myself for having hurt him, and that feeling of self-loathing is motivating me to try to apologize to him? That the way I treated him affects the way I think of myself. I don't actually want anything from him, I don't want him to take me back, I just want him to feel better and want him to know that he was worth more than how I treated him. Why is that wrong, or lower than if I were trying to get him back? Wouldn't I be worse for saying these things just to lure him back into trusting me and filling my bed? Maybe I'm a robot. I don't understand.

 

I feel like breaking down his doors would be incredibly selfish, expecting a response from him, acting like I'm entitled to invade his home, entitled to demanding a response from him.

[Jono85]

Right. And here's what I don't understand, and maybe this is evidence that I'm a sociopath and don't process emotions like normal people. I'm serious. I don't understand this:

You just said the same thing he did-- "You don't love me, you just feel guilty, want to feel better, etc etc etc"

What's the difference? Why is that bad, to feel guilty for having hurt someone? Should I not feel guilty? I don't understand why that's wrong, or proof that I'm ****. We live very far away from each other, I could easily never see or speak to or think of him again, why does he/do you think that it's wrong that I have a lower opinion or myself for having hurt him, and that feeling of self-loathing is motivating me to try to apologize to him? That the way I treated him affects the way I think of myself. I don't actually want anything from him, I don't want him to take me back, I just want him to feel better and want him to know that he was worth more than how I treated him. Why is that wrong, or lower than if I were trying to get him back? Wouldn't I be worse for saying these things just to lure him back into trusting me and filling my bed? Maybe I'm a robot. I don't understand.

 

I feel like breaking down his doors would be incredibly selfish, expecting a response from him, acting like I'm entitled to invade his home, entitled to demanding a response from him.

 

 

it's not about getting response from him, THAT'S the selfish part. why are bothering him if you don't want him back? you totally ignored my post, probably b/c it hit home maybe. you don't in fact want him back. which is fine. no one suggests you have to want him back in the slightest. but yes, it CAN be perceived as very selfish if you're just contacting him to tell him how sorry you are, and how big of an idiot you were for not staying with him, WHEN IN FACT YOU STILL DON'T WANT TO BE WITH HIM. does that register at all with you?? you're just absolving your guilt. he was already a year into recovery and moving on from you, and you want to apologize a year later but still don't want to be with him?? just leave him alone. imo that is selfish, he's right.

[Phanpooh]

Just like i'm talking with my ex haha and this is interesting, you should invite me coffee sometime. Kidding again

 

There is nothing either good or bad, just thinking make it so

and now, it's time for "the ugly truth"

 

You r living behind your masks, losing yourself in your lie.

You know that he loved you and you may still love him

You don't know he is happy or not but you r sure, you r not happy and you think that is your punishment, which you need

You are hurting yourself, due to guilty and that will turn to regret later

You believe that distance could hide your feeling and his feeling forever

You dun need to see him or talk with him as long as you keep that distant

and let me tell you, you don't do anything for him to show your feeling, it's not love. you do it for yourself, feed your ego and you forced yourself that, that is right thing to do. You dun afraid of losing him, cause you already lost him. You believe that you dun hurt him anymore and time will heal his broken-heart, someday he will meet his "the one" and he will be better.

 

That is bull***** and seriously, what r you thinking ? eating your cake? Try to avoid to hurt him anymore?

you think your ex is that weak? and his life include your action? You sit here, keep talking by yourself to help you stick in NC and keep ignore him

believe me, he dun need your attention to live on this planet, but this problem not about him, it's about you and what is in your mind.

He is okay, still living and you dun need to do anything for him. But i just want you to be better, stop lying yourself with your "robot"-brain.

 

PS: i think you r angry enough now so i will come back later to keep talking about this ugly truth cya then

[olddirtyspatula]

No, it's fine, keep the hatred coming. The thing about being self-righteous is that we genuinely convince ourselves we're doing the right thing. I'm trying to figure out what I did wrong and why and I'm doing a horrible job on my own.

I probably sound like this guy:

Sarcasm at its best, or worst. - YouTube

It's okay to hate me. I understand.

 

Was there a selfless thing to do, or will everything inevitably be wrong after the breakup, no matter what? Is it possible to do anything selfless now, or is that completely ****ed? I didn't know that I took him for granted when we were together, that was a realization that came later. But I can't go back in time and change who I was, I'm trying to figure out what to do *now*. So I thought, "Tell him! Let him know I'm as miserable as he hopes I am, that every self-affirming thought he'd had is true!" so I did. wrong. How dare I contact him? How dare I be so self-important that I assume i still have an effect on him! How selfish!

I don't understand. If I ignore him I'm a heartless bitch. If I contact him I'm a selfish bitch. If I try to take responsibility for the things I made him feel, I'm self important. If I act like I had no impact on him and he's completely responsible for his feelings, I'm a sociopath who lacks empathy.

 

I was raised to think that sunshine and rainbows poured out of my ass. If I knew was being horrible I wouldn't have done it. I convinced myself I was doing the right thing, and I've spent the last year listening to people telling me that cliche tripe about the inevitability of our breakup, I did all I could, blah blah blah. It mollified me in the short term always eventually dissipated to a knowledge that something had gone very wrong, to the point that I'm now soliciting abuse from strangers online like a john patrolling for a dom to stomp on his balls because it feels like the only way I'm going to start to figure out what went wrong so I can prevent it in the future, outside of just keeping everyone at an arm's length forever.

 

It's okay that I make you sick. I probably sound like I'm reveling in narcissistic self-indulgence. I probably am. I'm just trying to move past self-righteous denial to being someone who is equipped to care for another person in the future. I used to think i knew how but apparently I don't.

[Phanpooh]

You misunderstood me ) i dun hate people, just the truth is too ugly and you think i hate you? no, never! i dun even know who you are PEACE PLS

And i was in "your shoe" long time ago, if i hate you now, that mean i hate myself in past and there is no me at present. i understand your feeling and try to heal you with all my wish, believe me or not, you are good girl and stop blaming yourself about things don't happen ^_^ trust me, you are better than you think and someone know it, in this case, he is me

Edited June 17, 2012 by Phanpooh

[florence of suburbia]

Right. And here's what I don't understand, and maybe this is evidence that I'm a sociopath and don't process emotions like normal people. I'm serious. I don't understand this:

You just said the same thing he did-- "You don't love me, you just feel guilty, want to feel better, etc etc etc"

What's the difference? Why is that bad, to feel guilty for having hurt someone? Should I not feel guilty? I don't understand why that's wrong, or proof that I'm ****.

 

You're making an empty gesture to relieve your own pain when you say the words "I'm sorry," with no intention of changing. You have no plans to behave differently to back up those words, so they are essentially self-serving -- they take a weight off your shoulders and leave your ex in the same situation.

 

It is interesting reading your post. I'm glad you posted.

[favoritepills]

You don't make me sick, olddirtyspatula.

 

Although I would be careful about telling everyone "they'll probably never stop loving you" because truthfully, a lot of dumpers probably have stopped. It's good to know there are exceptions to the rule, like you, but you're not the norm.

 

I certainly don't blame you for not banging down his door. You made a big mistake, the relationship's dead in the water now and no apology will make him feel any better. (Part of me wonders if you really put it all on the line -- "I lost the best thing that ever happened to me and I'd give anything to make it right" -- or if it was just a half-hearted, "I feel bad about what I did." But anyway.) Best thing you can do is let him move on, let it go yourself, and probably see a professional to help you not make the same mistake the second time around. I hope things turn out well for you both.