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Messed up situation with a messed up woman... yet so hard to move on.. why?!


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3.5 years ago, I met a woman through a friend. She was a recent divorcee and 12 YEARS older than me. (I was 26 then and she was 38). As a recent divorcee, I was just exactly what she wanted. I was young, adventurous, attractive, so we had a lot of fun together since we met.

 

About 1 year into the relationship with her, she has lied to me that she is not fertile due to medical reasons and she can have sex without condoms. Being a young, naive and horny guy that I was, I believed her without a doubt and we started having sex without protection.

 

Soon after she ended up getting pregnant. I tried to convince her to give up the baby for adoption but she decided to keep the baby at the end.

 

After the baby was born, she became a different woman. I was no longer her sunshine or priority. She no longer wanted to have sex. She did not need to treat me well anymore. She was constantly bitchy and nasty to me. Also, the stress from raising our newborn son was adding oil to the fire also.

 

Since then, we've had a lot of nasty fights about money and responsibilities. She wanted me to pay child support for the baby when she tricked me into a having a baby and I was so angry about it, although I've came into terms with it now.

 

After the baby was born, due to all the drama, I "broke up" with her but we continued to be involved with each other for our son. Fast forward to today, our son is now 2.5 years old. Without me noticing, I've become so physically and emotionally invested in my relationship with her and my son. I've recently realized, I genuinely wanted her back and be in relationship with her again and become a full-time dad for our son.

 

In the past month, I've expressed my desire to be in a relationship with her again many times. Every time, she rejected idea with a default answer "I only care about our son. I do not wish to be in relationship with anyone right now. Maybe later."

 

Last weekend, she was coming over to my place for her weekly visit with my son. That evening, she fell asleep and I decided to snoop around her phone due to my suspicion that there might be another man.

 

From reading her text messages, I found out she was talking to this man she randomly met while getting her tires changed about a year ago. They've exchanged texts for about 5 months and she went on a date with him only once or twice. It seemed like she was interested but nothing much came out of it. Last time they've texted each other was over 2 months ago.

 

I was furious but had no rights to be angry at her since we were NOT officially in relationship for past 2 years. The day after I found out her texts and dates, I expressed my feelings to be in relationship with her again. Her answer was same again. "I don't want a relationship with anyone. I just want to care for our son for now." Then I confronted her, "So, you've never talked to any guy nor went on dates anyone since our son was born?!" She hesitated for a moment and lied, "No, I haven't talked to any guy or gone on any dates." I felt sick to the stomach catching her lie right in front my eyes.

 

Since that conversation, I've met her once more in person last week. I told her that I'm becoming more attached to her and my son and that I couldn't move on with my life if I keep seeing her every week. I told her I would be cutting off my contact with her as I need time to move on. So, I won't be seeing her or my son for the time being. She said that she understands and let be me on my way.

 

It's been almost a week since I've spoken to her. I miss her and my son dearly. I don't know why I want to be with her again so bad. She's a liar. She has bad temper. She's 12 years older than me. I don't think anything good will come out of it in the long run. I'm still fairly young. I should move on and start my own life soon. Yet, it's so hard.

 

So, I've decided to stop seeing her and my son for a while as I try to move on. I feel like calling her and try to work things out again but my logic tells me it's not a smart thing to do. I hope I'm making the right decision here. Although, it's not good idea for me to stop seeing my son for a while, I'm just not ready to communicate with the mother. Hopefully, I can arrange some kind of pickup / drop-offs later when I'm ready.

 

So, do you guys think I'm making the right decision here to cut her out of my life while I try to move on? Or should I continue to try to work things out with her? What would you have done in my situation honestly?

 

TL;DR A woman 12yrs older than me tricked me into having a baby with her. Despite the fact that she's a liar with occasional bad temper, I still want her. She's rejected the idea of us being together again and now I'm an emotional mess. I'd like some advice.

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Philosoraptor

There is nothing you can do to change what someone else wants. As much as you feel tricked you still made the choice to have unprotected sex with this woman and she ended up pregnant. Just continue to take care of your child and be a good father.

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