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happy birthday text?


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Old 24th May 2012, 10:11 PM   #1
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happy birthday text?

Hey everyone, my ex's birthday is in 2 days and I was wondering if you think I should send a text wishing happy birthday. I would really like to since I still love him and would like to reconnect, but at the same time I think it would upset me further because I dont think he would respond.

3weeks ago my ex dumped the rebound relationship and reached out to me after 6months since the BU and 5months of NC. HE said he wanted to meet up, but then decided against it and now he is completely ignoring me. I left a letter on his car before we left univeristy, ive texted three times this week, and NOTHING from either reach outs. However, I did get sinus surgery last week and he texted wishing that everything went well and for fast recovery (but I found out my mom asked him to text me) -so I guess he was just doing it to make my mom happy and try to show he's not a "bad" person?

So his birthday is soon and I'm not sure what to do. I would like to be on talking terms and such and work on some type of relationship, but he has ignored my past 3 texts and a letter! Do I call or text wishing a happy birthday? Please put some thought into this rather than just say "stay NC", "move on". I still love him, but I am moving on and I do realize that if it's meant to be it will be. I just am looking to see what you would do if you were in my shoes and wanted to possibly rekindle something in the future. I don't want to come off as desperate (which I probably have been with the letter and texts), but I also dont want to seem like I forgot his birthday or don't care. Thank you
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Old 24th May 2012, 10:13 PM   #2
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short answer, no

long answer, no
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Old 24th May 2012, 10:14 PM   #3
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absolutely not.

Your ex knows where you live and has your contacts, if he ever wants to be in your life again, he will make it known. As it is, he's ignoring you and you're ignoring common sense and reason. Go NC and move on. As you've said, if it's meant to be, it would've been. But it's not so stop tempting fate.
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Old 24th May 2012, 10:58 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by budley12 View Post
Hey everyone, my ex's birthday is in 2 days and I was wondering if you think I should send a text wishing happy birthday. I would really like to since I still love him and would like to reconnect, but at the same time I think it would upset me further because I dont think he would respond.

3weeks ago my ex dumped the rebound relationship and reached out to me after 6months since the BU and 5months of NC. HE said he wanted to meet up, but then decided against it and now he is completely ignoring me. I left a letter on his car before we left univeristy, ive texted three times this week, and NOTHING from either reach outs. However, I did get sinus surgery last week and he texted wishing that everything went well and for fast recovery (but I found out my mom asked him to text me) -so I guess he was just doing it to make my mom happy and try to show he's not a "bad" person?

So his birthday is soon and I'm not sure what to do. I would like to be on talking terms and such and work on some type of relationship, but he has ignored my past 3 texts and a letter! Do I call or text wishing a happy birthday? Please put some thought into this rather than just say "stay NC", "move on". I still love him, but I am moving on and I do realize that if it's meant to be it will be. I just am looking to see what you would do if you were in my shoes and wanted to possibly rekindle something in the future. I don't want to come off as desperate (which I probably have been with the letter and texts), but I also dont want to seem like I forgot his birthday or don't care. Thank you
Hell no... do not contact him. This will not rekindle anything at all. Re-kindling is not done over a B-day well wish. If he ignored your last 3 texts and a letter, he either:

a) Clearly could not care less how you feel (I'm so sorry for being harsh). He is an a-hole.

b) Is playing a game and wants you to text and send messages so that he can ignore them. (hint, hint, he likes the power of having you and ignoring them causes you to send more, thus giving him even more power) He is an a-hole.

Best game plan is:

c) Ignore the a-hole. Nothing good ever comes from them anyway... just sayin
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Old 24th May 2012, 11:09 PM   #5
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I think you'd feel mean not texting to wish him happy birthday, but if you do text him don't expect a reply and don't treat it as a means to reconnect. It's best to treat it as a temporary break in no contact to wish a guy well on his birthday. Don't expect him to do likewise as it sounds like he won't. Some will say keep it no contact - and I think that's good advice - but I would feel guilty if I didn't wish someone happy birthday that I'd been involved with for any length of time.
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Old 24th May 2012, 11:36 PM   #6
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I think you'd feel mean not texting to wish him happy birthday, but if you do text him don't expect a reply and don't treat it as a means to reconnect. It's best to treat it as a temporary break in no contact to wish a guy well on his birthday. Don't expect him to do likewise as it sounds like he won't. Some will say keep it no contact - and I think that's good advice - but I would feel guilty if I didn't wish someone happy birthday that I'd been involved with for any length of time.
I have to kindly rebut this one.

No need to wish a Happy Birthday to someone that kicked you to the curb. Friendship is mutual... this man has not shown mutual friendship.

If you dont think a "friend" will respond, then why bother starting a conversation? Not a real friend, not love.

I dont walk up to a random stranger and say "Hey, what a beautiful day!" and their response is turning their back on me as though I weren't there and then responding with, "Happy Birthday!"... just cause I care. If they cared, they would be with you.

They chose to be a stranger when they ended the relationship, let them be one.
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Old 24th May 2012, 11:58 PM   #7
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yes, I agree that my ex has been a complete ******* the past 6months. But we spent 3 years together. I know that isn't his true nature, and I think some of my actions have caused him to become this "*******" towards me. I'm not saying that this justifies his actions towards me, but he is just looking out for himself at this point and is doing what he thinks is best for him. I have hurt him in the past and he is probably very leery with letting me back into his life.

Everyone says not to text him because I will be hurt with not receiving a response, and I doubt I will get a "happy birthday" on my birthday which is in a few weeks. But I think that by me not sending a message I will be "playing games" because it is in my nature to be nice to everyone, and by not sending a message I will be trying to send the message that "i dont need you, and I have moved on" (the game playing). I one day hope that him and I can become friends and possibly more, so why not try to stay friendly and just send a quick "happy birthday".
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Old 25th May 2012, 12:00 AM   #8
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Only you can decide what to do and I know the feeling when you make a post like this. I think you know that the best thing to do is not contact him but you post anyway, hoping that someone will give you a green light, say go ahead, I think it for the best etc. We all want reassurance. My personal opinion is it would be best for you to not message him. He only contacted you because your mum said, he has ignored your text messages and letter. No doubt he will be expecting something from you on his birthday and no message might be the kick up the butt he deserves. So I say do not contact him

p.s I would be weak and message my ex, as I would see a birthday as an excuse to message her, so feel free to take my advice like a grain of salt. I think when we are desperate we look for any excuse or reason to reach out, even if deep down we know better
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Old 25th May 2012, 1:23 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by budley12 View Post
yes, I agree that my ex has been a complete ******* the past 6months. But we spent 3 years together. I know that isn't his true nature, and I think some of my actions have caused him to become this "*******" towards me. I'm not saying that this justifies his actions towards me, but he is just looking out for himself at this point and is doing what he thinks is best for him. I have hurt him in the past and he is probably very leery with letting me back into his life.

Everyone says not to text him because I will be hurt with not receiving a response, and I doubt I will get a "happy birthday" on my birthday which is in a few weeks. But I think that by me not sending a message I will be "playing games" because it is in my nature to be nice to everyone, and by not sending a message I will be trying to send the message that "i dont need you, and I have moved on" (the game playing). I one day hope that him and I can become friends and possibly more, so why not try to stay friendly and just send a quick "happy birthday".
The very fact that you can recognize this is game-playing is reason enough to not bother with a Happy Birthday. He expects it, you know it (games... messed up, I nearly died when the games got serious) and you are willing to oblige, which will set off yet another battle.

You are reading alot into this, likely cuz he is too. That`s the game. Screw the game, it`s over.

Cut it off. End the games. It`s over, time to recover. Seriously.

My daughter`s father is now a crystal meth addict, abused countless women after me, jail time, is now abusing my daughter and of course has me in court. Trust me, if they dont show you real love, leave them, quick as hell. You are catering to this man`s needs. I did too. Love doesnt fix everyone. Some people just need help. You need some downtime too OP.
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Old 25th May 2012, 1:49 AM   #10
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Do not text him if you're doing it to get something in return. If it's a friendly happy birthday, it's okay. Send and forget. Do not expecting any reply. If you are going to feel bad when there is no reply, don't send it. Only you know your own feelings. Good luck!
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Old 25th May 2012, 6:33 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by budley12 View Post
Hey everyone, my ex's birthday is in 2 days and I was wondering if you think I should send a text wishing happy birthday. I would really like to since I still love him and would like to reconnect, but at the same time I think it would upset me further because I dont think he would respond.

3weeks ago my ex dumped the rebound relationship and reached out to me after 6months since the BU and 5months of NC. HE said he wanted to meet up, but then decided against it and now he is completely ignoring me. I left a letter on his car before we left univeristy, ive texted three times this week, and NOTHING from either reach outs. However, I did get sinus surgery last week and he texted wishing that everything went well and for fast recovery (but I found out my mom asked him to text me) -so I guess he was just doing it to make my mom happy and try to show he's not a "bad" person?

So his birthday is soon and I'm not sure what to do. I would like to be on talking terms and such and work on some type of relationship, but he has ignored my past 3 texts and a letter! Do I call or text wishing a happy birthday? Please put some thought into this rather than just say "stay NC", "move on". I still love him, but I am moving on and I do realize that if it's meant to be it will be. I just am looking to see what you would do if you were in my shoes and wanted to possibly rekindle something in the future. I don't want to come off as desperate (which I probably have been with the letter and texts), but I also dont want to seem like I forgot his birthday or don't care. Thank you
You are not enemies with your ex right? Why not wish him a happy birthday?? I think you will regret it if you don't, personally.

Everyone told me not to send my ex a birthday card, on the day of his birthday I felt terrible for not sending him one so send him one via MoonPig which he got 2 days later. I had included on the front of the card something that we both laughed about. He text me the minute he got it saying that he was really happy to get a card from me and it totally cheered him up. He said he wanted to get in touch for a while but thought I had moved on. We ended up getting back together that weekend.

Not saying the above will happen but I knew how sh*t I felt the day of his birthday and I hadn't sent anything. I think also, since it took 2 days to get to him, he must have thought I didn't care so made the surprise extra special
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Old 25th May 2012, 6:35 AM   #12
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Just don't EXPECT a reply because you may not get one. Only send it if you are okay with the fact of not getting a reply.

The fact he has not responsded to your texts or letter doesn't look good but there again, I wrote a letter to my ex that he didn't open for a couple of weeks because he knew it would upset him.
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Old 25th May 2012, 6:46 AM   #13
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I agree.
"Don't expect anything and you won't be disappointed"
If you wanna wish him HB and expect no reply, do it, otherwise it will let your emotions further down.
2 weeks ago, I was in the same shoes as you are now, I sent him a HB email and expect he would at least say "Thank you", but I got nothing back and it just let me down terribly.
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Old 25th May 2012, 3:45 PM   #14
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tough love here but:

He doesn't give a sh*t about you, why should you give a sh*t about him?

I agree, my answer is no.
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Old 25th May 2012, 3:50 PM   #15
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NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO ......

......and.....

NO.
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