Persistence?

[Breck]

Is persistence a good quality? My ex broke up with me because she said she is afraid of getting hurt and that I have the same characteristics as an ex that really hurt her. She says that she never feels good enough for me and that my independence plays on her insecurities. I initiated some space in our relationship and it freaked her out and hurt her.

 

If I am persistent with her (talk to her weekly) is that a good quality? She's hesitant to talk and has told me that she is insecure about us and afraid. Should I continue pursuing her?.. at her pace or my pace?

Edited May 8, 2012 by Breck

[GG3]

Can you be more specific? How did you initiate asking for space? Need more details.

[fucpcg]

She's projecting her own insecurities on to you. I have never felt ""not good enough" for a girl. I'm not special, it's just that I am compatible with a girl, or I'm not compatible, one of those two possibilities. When you start throwing around insecure, not good enough for you, etc. it's not you causing her to feel that way, it's in her.

[Breck]

Can you be more specific? How did you initiate asking for space? Need more details.

 

I just gave our relationship space by backing off a little and when she asked me if I was giving us space I told her that I was because it gave us both a chance to breath and think about our relationship.

[ToyWithMe812]

Is persistence a good quality? My ex broke up with me because she said she is afraid of getting hurt and that I have the same characteristics as an ex that really hurt her. She says that she never feels good enough for me and that my independence plays on her insecurities. I initiated some space in our relationship and it freaked her out and hurt her.

 

If I am persistent with her (talk to her weekly) is that a good quality? She's hesitant to talk and has told me that she is insecure about us and afraid. Should I continue pursuing her?.. at her pace or my pace?

 

Right, yea that, or she has already been boning another dude and finding an excuse from the "i've been boning a douche" playbook. If she said that, you didn't initiate the space, she did, but not sure if you were clear on that. Should you be afraid? No, not really, you should be strong...

[Breck]

Back to the topic. Do women appreciate a persistent man when the reason for the breakup was mostly a lack of communication and appreciation?

[polish26]

Back to the topic. Do women appreciate a persistent man when the reason for the breakup was mostly a lack of communication and appreciation?

 

Unfortunately, in my situation it made no difference. My ex moved on long before the relationship was over, even though I tried everything I could. We have been NC for the part but my situation was slightly different from yours as well. I would like to think that women would notice a man's persistence but it doesn't always go that way. Mine called me crazy at one point because I told a friend to f off because he took her out to dinner two weeks after the break up... Back then I was trying but now I have seen more of her actual personality then I did during our 3 year relationship. I hope all goes well for you, but I would say that for the mean time that you should focus on yourself and your goals. Everything will work itself out, for better or worse... Mainly better and you will be able to see that eventually.

[Breck]

I should note. My ex always picks up the phone, responds to texts, and accepts invitations to go out. I'm not persistent while she's ignoring me. I'm persistent about seeing her each week.

[ToyWithMe812]

Back to the topic. Do women appreciate a persistent man when the reason for the breakup was mostly a lack of communication and appreciation?

 

Depends on the women, but generally, no. Persistence is futile when they have met a scumbag they are into.

[ToyWithMe812]

I should note. My ex always picks up the phone, responds to texts, and accepts invitations to go out. I'm not persistent while she's ignoring me. I'm persistent about seeing her each week.

 

Ok. "She" picks up the phone, "She" repsonds to texts, "She" accepts invitations...You aren't persistent while she is ignoring you, yet you are persistent about seeing her each week. Dude, this is borderline insanity if I am reading you correctly.

[Breck]

Ok. "She" picks up the phone, "She" repsonds to texts, "She" accepts invitations...You aren't persistent while she is ignoring you, yet you are persistent about seeing her each week. Dude, this is borderline insanity if I am reading you correctly.

 

What I meant is that she isn't ignoring me, so it is not like I am persistently contacting her while she's ignoring me. I'm persistently giving us a chance to reconcile.

[PegNosePete]

She says that she never feels good enough for me

It is my experience that whenever someone says that, they are usually right.

[Boynextdoor]

It is my experience that whenever someone says that, they are usually right.

 

Well as to me im trying to find it out. My ex told me that I was her life. When we broke hope shes saying that she is not good enough for me. Maybe because of the drama they are in. Or maybe like what the other dude said above this post. That they are projecting their negativity to you because of your situation with her

[flitzanu]

Back to the topic. Do women appreciate a persistent man when the reason for the breakup was mostly a lack of communication and appreciation?

 

no. the last thing they want after dumping you is your head up their ass.

[Breck]

Different people have completely opposite advice on this.

[Boynextdoor]

Different people have completely opposite advice on this.

 

if you're referring to "flitzanu's" post. Well, read between the lines. He's just being literal with what is done by the dumpers.

[flitzanu]

if you're referring to "flitzanu's" post. Well, read between the lines. He's just being literal with what is done by the dumpers.

 

you mean dumpee?

 

simply put, if a girl dumps you, that means she doesn't want to be with you. do you think constantly harassing her or "persistently" contacting and chasing her is what she wants you to do?

 

it's like being a pushy car salesman hassling someone that doesn't want to buy a car.

 

i mean, sure, you can try it, but again...history will tell you, along with many stories here...every person that smothered their dumper just ended up pushing them further away.

 

so again, smothering them...aka "having your head up their ass", probably isn't going to help your cause.

[Breck]

you mean dumpee?

 

simply put, if a girl dumps you, that means she doesn't want to be with you. do you think constantly harassing her or "persistently" contacting and chasing her is what she wants you to do?

 

it's like being a pushy car salesman hassling someone that doesn't want to buy a car.

 

i mean, sure, you can try it, but again...history will tell you, along with many stories here...every person that smothered their dumper just ended up pushing them further away.

 

so again, smothering them...aka "having your head up their ass", probably isn't going to help your cause.

 

I understand what you're saying but she's still inviting me out with her and her friends (group activities). I'm persistent about dating, not just inestimg in a friendship.

[flitzanu]

I understand what you're saying but she's still inviting me out with her and her friends (group activities). I'm persistent about dating, not just inestimg in a friendship.

 

but that doesn't mean she's trying to date you. if she isn't being up front about dating, or if she's telling you she doesn't want to date you now, or even "not now" then you're wasting your time, because all she's doing is building your friendship. you need to be upfront with her and tell her what you want, and if she doesn't want the same thing, don't you think you should move on?