Taking time to travel after a break up ?

[rhymes]

Hi Everyone - sorry long read, but stick with it!

 

A little background info to preface it all. Girlfriend and I were together 4.5 years, we initially broke up in November, she moved out to her sisters and we continued to try and patch things up. Went NC for most of December and when I returned home from Christmas holidays, I contacted her in the New Year to try and get all of our photos from the past four years back as she had them all on her computer.

 

One thing lead to another, we started getting comfortable and close again and tried to work things out from January to March. Mid March, she pulled the rug out under my feet a second time, said although it appeared she was having fun on the outside, she was still conflicted inside and it wasn’t fair for either of us to continue this, and her heart wasn’t 100 % in it. She knew I wanted to make the relationship work long term and she didn’t see us together forever. Needless to say it left me pretty devastated all over again and set me back to square one.

 

In the last month, she’s started to see a new guy, which has hurt a lot and I found out too much information about thru a mutual friend, while I continue to search for answers, heal and make improvements for myself.

 

I start counseling in the next few days; have picked up some great books and started hitting the gym again and improving my quality of life. I’m very self-aware, I know what I needed to work on and change, but at the same time, have a tough time practicing what I preach in terms of forgetting about her and letting go.

 

I’ve been having a lot of up and down days, and had a good conversation with my boss last week, who is very supportive of my journey, having been thru a divorce, and basically requested a month off for vacation/soul searching.

 

I have about six weeks holiday, and we’re slower in the summer, so it’s not a big issue, but now I have the month of June off in its entirety.

 

Round about what of getting to my point, but essentially I’m looking to get out of town and take a trip for a month and it looks like I’ll be headed to Thailand for all of June.

 

I’m hoping that getting out of town (we moved here together and this is her hometown, although it’s a city of a million +) that I’ll be able to experience some new things, meet some new people and hopefully meet some new girls as well.

 

I’m nowhere near ready for dating, but I’m hoping a few casual, short term flings might help me realize that there are other fish in the sea. I’ve never been a serial dater, only long term relationships, but I’m still too caught up on her and thinking that we were perfect together and that she’s the only girl out there.

 

I guess my question is, has anyone else, who’s recently come out of a painful, long term breakup gone travelling and what was your experience and did it help you heal?

 

My goal is to work on myself for May, take my trip in June, and hopefully when I get back home in July, I’ll be in a much better place.

 

I’m traveling solo, so I will have some quality “me” time and I plan to spend a few days in a beach hut somewhere isolated to just be alone with my thoughts.

 

On the same token, I plan on going to a Full Moon party, take my open water diving certificate and see what the country has to offer.

 

My one fear is that when I return back to reality, everything will just come rushing back and I’ll be no further along. That essentially this trip is just an escape and while it might make me feel temporarily good when I’m away, that I’ll still have similar issues to face when I get back home.

 

On the other hand, I know that meeting new people and maybe a girl or two and leaving behind my day-to-day life will be just what the doctor ordered.

 

Our birthday’s are also both in June, as is the wedding of her best friend which I was supposed to attend, so it also will keep me from thinking about all these dates that were once so important in our lives.

 

I’ve done some traveling, backpacked around Australia about 9 years ago (I’m 27), and am really excited about the opportunity. I’m a pretty social guy, so I don’t think I’ll have trouble meeting people even though I’m rolling solo.

 

I guess I just wanted to toss this out there, get some feedback and input from people who have done similar things and hear about your experiences. Did it help you heal, was it just an escape?

 

If nothing else, it’s helping me focus on something else other than my ex, just planning the trip and figuring out where I want to go, so it’s been beneficial there.

 

Any insight would be greatly appreciated!

[january2011]

I didn't travel for extended periods of time, though did day trips every weekend for the first few months after the breakup.

 

It forced me to leave the house, meet new people* and engage with the world. The change of scenery was like a breath of fresh air. It was tough at first because inside I didn't want to do anything at all. However, I faked it and made it.

 

Being immersed in different environments forces you to look at the world with new eyes - which can be difficult after a breakup. It shows you that there's life out there and it carries on, regardless of what's happening in your heart and in your head. And you are forced to interact with it. To be a part of the world again.

 

I think you should do it. I highly recommend it.

 

*Who wouldn't know about my breakup unless I told them about it. It forced me to find other things to talk about. Positive things. I could also create a new face and be someone else.

[JohnP82]

I've done more traveling since my break up last year than I ever had before. Next week I'm going to NYC for the first time with an old female friend of mine to visit some friends from graduate school. Good times will be had:p

 

I'm so excited and grateful for the opportunity to see and go to places that I don't think I would have done if I was still with my ex.

[rhymes]

I didn't travel for extended periods of time, though did day trips every weekend for the first few months after the breakup.

 

It forced me to leave the house, meet new people* and engage with the world. The change of scenery was like a breath of fresh air. It was tough at first because inside I didn't want to do anything at all. However, I faked it and made it.

 

Being immersed in different environments forces you to look at the world with new eyes - which can be difficult after a breakup. It shows you that there's life out there and it carries on, regardless of what's happening in your heart and in your head. And you are forced to interact with it. To be a part of the world again.

 

I think you should do it. I highly recommend it.

 

*Who wouldn't know about my breakup unless I told them about it. It forced me to find other things to talk about. Positive things. I could also create a new face and be someone else.

 

 

That's what I'm looking forward to. New interactions, new people and new scenery. I think it will give me a different perspective on things and hopefully remind me that life goes on and there's a world full of people enjoying it.

 

Great to hear you had a good time with your experience and I'm counting down the days to getting away from it all. Much appreciated...any other thoughts out there on LS?

[budley12]

im heading to new zealand for around 7months. can't wait to get out of here.

[Chi townD]

LOL!!! I am totally the guy to talk to about this. I am probably the BIGGEST ADVOCATE for traveling on this site.

 

When my Ex cheated on me years and years ago. I was an absolute basket case. I was so depressed and moping about the house, not doing anything but feeling sorry for myself. Then, one of my friends had enough of my state and basically kidnapped me. He threw me on a train with himself and we were off for a weekend trip to St.Louis. We got our hotel, walked around the city, leaned up against the Arch, saw a Cardinals game, toured the brewery, then when we found out that there was free samples at the end of the tour....we toured it again!! When to the bars and clubs and I even danced (badly) with a few girls!!!

 

Was that weekend an escape from my from my Ex? Was it me running away from my problems? NOPE!!! My problems were still there, but it allowed me to decompress and relax. To energize and refocus. AND TO ENJOY THE ADVENTURE AND STOP FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF!!!!

 

A couple of weeks later my friend called me up and asked if I would be able to save about a thousand dollars and some spending money in 5 months. I said it was do-able. Five months later, I was on a White water rafting trip with a couple of my friends in West Virginia. At that point, I caught the bug. I have to take a trip or two EVERY YEAR!

 

I realized that life was way too short to be moping around pining for a girl that didn't love me. That there was a world with soo many adventures out my door that I knew I needed to go see. I've seen the Fjords of Norway. The Cliffs of Dover in England, Casablanca in Morocco ( definately NOT like the movie, rather disappointed), I climbed Mount Fuji in Japan, seen the Gobi Desert....

 

And yes, I've been to Thailand...and I'll give you a warning. The amount of people in Thailand with HIV is very high. SO, watch yourself over there. If your looking to improve your opportunity to have some company with a girl I would recommend going to Iceland. In lot of places over there the girl to guy ratio is about 13 to 1. HAHA!!! This is Ironic! My buddy that kidnapped me just shot me a photo to my phone. He's holding up a beer at Yankee Stadium....SO, I guess he's in New York at the moment...LOL! he's an ass...

 

My travels at the time was a little therapeutic in a way. I figured that if my Ex ever caught wind of the places I've visited, she would know that I've moved on and maybe give me a little satisfaction to know that she might be a little jealous.

 

But, now I travel for myself and for the adventure. AND THANK GOD I married a woman that understands my need to travel. Sometimes she comes with me if it sparks her interest. But, the next two trips I know she won't be going because she already told me. The next trip I'm doing is I'm going to cycle the Camino de Santiago. It starts in southern France and enters into Notheastern Spain and travel westward until you reach Santiago de Campostella. Riding a bike across a country isn't her idea of fun. This trip is going to happen in the next 10 months! Then after that, I'm thinking of going to Antartica! COME ON!!! Only a a select few have ever stepped onto that continent! She won't go because the movie Titanic freaked her out about Icebergs.....

Edited May 3, 2012 by Chi townD

[Ca8518]

I broke up with my Ex 7 months ago and it has emotionally drained me. A month after we went NC I booked a two week trip Europe to give myself something to look forward to. I just got back from my trip one week ago. It was the best experience I could have given myself! It was the first time I felt truly happy since our breakup and I was able to put everything from home on hold and be worry free. However, I am now finding that since I have been home it has set me back and has made me miss my Ex like I did right after the breakup. I am still so glad I traveled and just plan on doing it for myself whenever I can. Traveling doesn't erase the problem. But it provided a much needed timeout from the heartbreak I have been going through.

[SarahRose]

It sounds good but how do you get that much time off of work?

[dandan89]

Dude I'm just out of a 4 and a half year relationship and I'm thinking the same thing! This may sound really corny but I kinda need to find myself again. I've been so depressed and down about my break up that I need to just get away from it all for a while so I can definitely comprehend. The funny thing is I'm gonna do my open water diving course too! Definitely go to Thailand though man, you'll love it! I'm half Thai myself and have been there a fair few times. Last time with my ex so I think I'll be a little down at first but when I get moving I'll be alright.

 

I think you'll come back pumped and ready to move on. Not back to square one. You'll have mental experiences that will have helped you a long the way.

 

And for diving have a look at Koh Tao simple life divers, my bro went travelling around Asia last year and highly recommends it. Diving Koh Tao - Simple Life 5* PADI Dive Resort Koh Tao | Scuba Internships

[Chi townD]

It sounds good but how do you get that much time off of work?

 

Well, it's really isn't that difficult to plan a getaway and not use any vacation days. I'm just going to assume your in the states. Now, lets say you want to spend a few days in the Bahamas. Look up where you want to go at the best prices. Whether it be Nassau, or the Abaco's Islands or Eleuthra...whereever. Thanksgiving in the States is on Thursday the 22nd. Catch a flight out after you have Thanksgiving dinner and get to the Bahamas that night. Most people automatically get Black friday off, so that's a free day in the Bahamas. Then you have the weekend off sunning in the Bahamas, and go ahead and use a sick day that monday. Fly out that night. 4.5 days in the Bahamas using only one sick day and no vacation days used. I just used the Bahamas as an example. You can go somewhere more local if you'd like. I promised the wife that I'll take her to Macinaw Island over the summer. I didn't use any sick days last year, so they converted those 7 sick days I'm allotted into 3 personal days. So, I haven't picked the date yet. But, I'll use two of those personal days on a thursday and a friday. I'll talk to a buddy of mine to cover for me at work (my work really doesn't care as long as all my work is up to date) I'll leave early that wednesday and me and the wife will catch an early flight out. So, half of Weds, then thurs and fri plus the weekend!

 

Use your vacation days for your BIG trip.

Edited May 3, 2012 by Chi townD

[SarahRose]

Well, it's really isn't that difficult to plan a getaway and not use any vacation days. I'm just going to assume your in the states. Now, lets say you want to spend a few days in the Bahamas. Look up where you want to go at the best prices. Whether it be Nassau, or the Abaco's Islands or Eleuthra...where ever. Thanksgiving in the States is on Thursday the 22nd. Catch a flight out after you have Thanksgiving dinner and get to the Bahamas that night. Most people automatically get Black friday off, so that's a free day in the Bahamas. Then you have the weekend off sunning in the Bahamas, and go ahead and use a sick day that monday. Fly out that night. 4.5 days in the Bahamas using only one sick day and no vacation days used. I just used the Bahamas as an example. You can go somewhere more local if you'd like. I promised the wife that I'll take her to Macinaw Island over the summer. I didn't use any sick days last year, so they converted those 7 sick days I'm alloted into 3 personal days. So, I haven't picked the date yet. But, I'll use two of those personal days on a thursday and a friday. I'll talk to a buddy of mine to cover for me at work (my work really doesn't care as long as all my work is up to date) I'll leave early that wednesday and me and the wife will catch an early flight out. So, half of Weds, then thurs and fri plus the weekend!

 

Use your vacation days for your BIG trip.

 

Good thing I don't live in the US!

 

I reread OP post again and they have the entire month of June off.

[Chi townD]

Well, I'm sure that you have holidays that you don't work on, you just work the system.

 

I mean, if my work states that I have 7 paid sick days throughout the year, but they want to reward me 3 personal days for not taking sicks days last year. That means I have 10 days free and clear this year.

 

I get my weekends off. So, lets say I use 3 personal days and 2 sick days (you might have to have a really cool boss to pull this off) Take the personal days on mon, tues and weds. Then take 2 sick days on thurs and fri. Since I have my weekends off that's 4 days there. So, I can have 9 days somewhere. Still have 5 paid sick days for the year and I STILL have all of my vacation days.

 

You just need to work the system and be creative!

 

But you are right....would love to know how you get a month off. Best I ever did was almost three weeks.

Edited May 3, 2012 by Chi townD

[rhymes]

Hi Everyone:

 

Thanks for the replies, it's great to hear that some people have had some really positive experiences and their travels helping them move on.

 

I'm really looking forward to the decompressing and relaxation and like Chi TownD said "focus on the adventure."

 

Very much like you dandan89, I feel like I need to find myself, because I do feel a bit lost. I've always been a bit unsettled in the corporate 9-5 work week, and feel like I used to know myself pretty well. But obviously a lot has change in the last five years since I started my relationship, so I think I need to find myself and my identity again, so I can effectively move on.

 

I work in sports media for a university, so I work a lot during the school year, attending games, writing stories, coordinating media, etc...so when summer rolls around, I have some much over time and holiday built up that getting away for a month isn't much as I have at least six weeks banked. It is tough to leave summer work projects behind, but at the end of the day I need to heal so I can be "normal" at my job again.

 

I'm also hoping she'll catch wind of my travels and be jealous as well, as I know she'll be at her best friends wedding, which I was supposed to be at mid-June, but this is far more exciting.

 

Thanks again, keep the stories coming if you've got them. Always love to hear the good, the bad and just general thoughts on peoples experiences.

[Chi townD]

Hey, this is a fun idea. Everyone knows what my next adventure is. Rhymes is going to Thailand and Budley is going to New Zealand. Where is everyone else's next adventure going to be?

[budley12]

a cool site I found:

couchsurfing.org

 

Basically it is a community where you stay at other's houses if they have a spare room or free couch. best part is its FREE. I have looked all over the world and it seems almost every big city has people subscribed to the site.

 

... and if you cant travel. You can also host travelers! I hosted a girl from Germany the other night and she was so cool. It is really interesting to hear others perspectives on life based on culture and location. Besides... she cooked me an awesome german dinner!

[Chi townD]

I don't know. I would be kinda leary about doing this. I mean, you don't know the person you would be crashing with. It could be a dangerous situation. You could be robbed, raped or killed. I would rather stay at a Hostel than crash on someones couch that I don't know.

 

And the same could be said about a person you would host. They may seem cool. Then you get up in the morning, and the person is gone along with your flat screen TV, laptop and stereo system.

[rhymes]

So I just wanted to give a quick update, as I'm back from my trip and finally settled. If anyone is even remotely considering doing something like this, my advice would be go!

 

I was completely shattered and heartbroken before I left, pining over my 4.5 year relationship to the girl I thought I wanted to spent the rest of my life with.

 

I didn't think there were any other girls in the world, and lost a lot of confidence in my game, outlooks on life and who I was as a person.

 

After spending a month in Thailand and Laos, I can unequivocally tell you that I'm back to being my normal, happy, content self and have almost but all completely healed.

 

I met some of the most amazing people from all corners of the world. Made loads of new friends and also got my "swagger" back when it came to women.

 

I spent nights with girls from Ireland, Australia, New Zealand, England, Germany, just too name a few. It was amazing to have connections with girls from all over the world after feeling like no body wants you.

 

I forgot just how amazing the people you meet traveling are. People are super inviting, welcome and just generally in good spirits. I travelled alone and met another guy from Canada along the way and we became travel partners for 3 of the weeks I was gone.

 

I went from obsessing about my ex, crying in bed, missing work, and now upon my return I couldn't be happier. I felt like I re-found myself and recaptured my independence. I can truly say I'm happier now, than I ever was in my relationship, and most people, myself included thought I had a fantastic relationship with my girl.

 

All I can say, is if your heart is broken, look to change something! Get out there, go travel, meet new people and find what you were missing in yourself. I know everyone can't afford the time to take a month off work, but even if it's for a week or two, going somewhere new and meeting fresh faces can be just the trick.

 

Get out of your comfort zone, put yourself out there and change the routine. You've got much more to offer than you think and there are people out there who will love and appreciate you for who you are.

 

Anyway, just wanted to pass along some hope to those who are down or looking for answers. It was the best trip of my life, and I finally feel like I can close that chapter in my life and move onto bigger and better things.

 

Keep your head up, it's a beautiful world out there

[Chi townD]

LMAO!!! THAT IS AWSOME!!!! WELCOME BACK!!! I knew you'd love it. Yeah, it might feel good to settle in. But, if you caught the bug, you'll want to get up and go again in a few months. Hell, you've probably thought about your next trip already!