Ex came back for reconcile... disappearing again GIGS BOUNCE?

[heartonsleeve76]

OK I'll start with a little back story. This is a long story but really really interesting trust me read all of it. I met my ex early last year in april/may, we dated about 6 months before the breakup around Nov, she's 27 im 35. She has 2 kids, one of which she was pregnant with when I met her. The new baby's daddy was out of the picture, before I met her. Somehow amazingly to me and everyone I formed a serious relationship with her even during the pregnancy and until about a month after the birth. I was pretty much the new daddy. I took that responsibility wholeheartedly since I always wanted a family. We loved each other and all that stuff.

 

Ok anyways, in Nov she left me. I was completely blindsided and had no warning. She gave me all the classic BS break up lines and no REAL reason. (GIGS sign). Actually I read through Homebrews GIGS post and she did every sign of GIGS. I tried to reason/find out why but got nothing. I wrote her basically a goodbye letter that ended with a request to not respond. She never did. I went complete and total NC. (6 months ago)

 

Shortly thereafter I started dating another girl who I had previously dated and it was a wild crappy emotional roller coaster and she verbally and emotionally abused me. AT the time, I believed I was completely over my ex but in reality my feelings had just been suppressed (as wilsonx and others rightly pointed out). I couldnt seem to leave this girl and was sickly addicted to her until a little over a month ago when #$%^ finally hit the fan and I got my balls back and left and went NC on this girl. She only tried once to reach me once which I completely ignored because she is TOXIC.

 

Fast forward to 2 weeks ago. My ex (one that was prego) sent me a message on facebook after 6 months NC on a fri night saying she needed a friend to talk to. I spent several hours thinking of the ramifications of responding but thought I was over her and nothing could hurt me to see what was up. So since she left her #, I txted "hey its me, whats wrong".

She then said call. I did. We talked for several hours. The gist of the convo was she had gotten back with baby daddy a few months after we split, regretted it, wanted to leave him, he was dying of terminal cancer (seriously according to her), she wanted to know how to leave him in that kind of situation. I basically told her to do whats right. (HE is a loser with no job, lives with his controlling mom, smokes weed, has nothing to offer). Then the convo turned to us, our breakup, the reasons she left, and she said the words that is always told on LS that you dont take them back unless you hear: "I made a huge mistake, I'm sorry, I still LOVE YOU, I want start over, I wish we never broke up, I wanted to get back with you right away, but you told me to not respond, but I want to get back together, etc". I took that with a grain of salt in the moment, and told her that what has happened in her life is a HUGE wakeup call for her and she needs to start working on everything for the sake of her kids and people who love her, to which she agreed. SHe said the real reason she left me, and didnt tell me at the time, was because she felt smothered, suffocated, and that I was trying to control and change her. I never realized this until now. So knowing that, I promised no matter what happens between us I wouldnt do those things to her. She promised she wouldnt run on me ever again if we got back together. At the end she said she loves me.

 

Ok. So here is one RED flag I got. A day after this she said the baby daddy called and broke up with her, with a bunch of excuses, to which she found out he actually got back with his previous ex which he also has a kid with. WHEW. Talk about a love triangle. Anyways she said she was very relieved and had prayed for this, that she "didnt want to be the bad guy and break up with him" (GIGS), but she sounded hurt by it. Another time this was brought up she also sounded bitter although her words were the same.

 

Now so far all of this was through txt/phone. We actually started communicating again like when we were together, so I went with it. I'm not going to lie, my feelings came back full force like they were just dormant. Anyways we saw each other this past weekend, went out, had drinks, talked alot about what we want, pretty much agreed we loved each other, and were going to slowly get back together, and had sex. We both commented on how much we were actually able talk and how open she was, since in the previous relationship she didnt like to talk about issues much. She said she was going to be much more open now and had learned alot in the past 6 months. She again asked me to promise to always fight for her and not let her run. Which I did. I pretty much told her I have always accepted her, I mean cmon she was prego with someone else's child...

 

(I hope your still reading this, it gets better..LOL)

 

Ok so great. Next day we talk/txt, again she says she loves me etc. As I was making dinner and wanted to eat, I asked her to txt me when she was going to bed. Well around 10:30 PM she sends me a txt "hey they left". I was like... huh?? wtf?. I said "who left". She said her aunts and cousin. I said "ok I dont get it". She immediately called. She was a bit buzzed, we talked about our day. Then she said "its strange, something so good comes into my life and then something bad has to happen". She explained that her best guy friend (who she had a brief fling with years ago) was not going to be her friend anymore because almost a month ago one of his best friends tried to kiss her and that the best guy friend told her she couldnt ever date one of his friends. SHe was upset by this, and said she would never cheat on who she was with, which at the time was babby's daddy (hope your still following who is who), and I said well hopefully best guy friend realizes your friendship and comes back. Then shortly after we hung up for the night. Next day (Monday) I txt her good morning to which she didnt reply. I called a few hours later and we talked for a min but she had to get off the phone to feed the baby. She said she would call me a little later.

I HAVE NOT HEARD FROM HER SINCE.

I called later that night after work and she didnt answer. I txted her today (Tuesday) "hey I havent heard from you are you ok? Is there something wrong?". This was out of general concern/worry. She never replied.

 

My gut reaction to the "hey they left" txt (that was out of nowhere), was that it was a booty call txt meant for someone else. ANd now she is completely ignoring me. Obviously there isnt anything I have done to cause this, especially with only trying to reach her a few times since the ignoring started. But I think there is some reason (to do with her) that she is now pulling away and ignoring me. I almost feel like I was a backup plan and now she doesnt want to be the "bad guy" and dump me again and so is choosing to ignore me... although I could be completely wrong. IDK something is not right.

 

So my question is... SHOULD I FIGHT FOR HER AND DO EVERYTHING I CAN TO FIGURE OUT WHAT IS GOING ON... OR FOLLOW THE STEPS OF LETTING HER GO SO SHE CAN HAVE SPACE TO FIGURE OUT HER GIGS.

 

I want to add that I do love her and her kids with all my heart. To the point of selflessness. I would let her go if that would be better for her. I do not want to be a revolving door either. I want a committed relationship from her with no back and forth with me or other guys for that matter.

[69ways]

OK I'll start with a little back story. This is a long story but really really interesting trust me read all of it. I met my ex early last year in april/may, we dated about 6 months before the breakup around Nov, she's 27 im 35. She has 2 kids, one of which she was pregnant with when I met her. The new baby's daddy was out of the picture, before I met her. Somehow amazingly to me and everyone I formed a serious relationship with her even during the pregnancy and until about a month after the birth. I was pretty much the new daddy. I took that responsibility wholeheartedly since I always wanted a family. We loved each other and all that stuff.

 

Ok anyways, in Nov she left me. I was completely blindsided and had no warning. She gave me all the classic BS break up lines and no REAL reason. (GIGS sign). Actually I read through Homebrews GIGS post and she did every sign of GIGS. I tried to reason/find out why but got nothing. I wrote her basically a goodbye letter that ended with a request to not respond. She never did. I went complete and total NC. (6 months ago)

 

Shortly thereafter I started dating another girl who I had previously dated and it was a wild crappy emotional roller coaster and she verbally and emotionally abused me. AT the time, I believed I was completely over my ex but in reality my feelings had just been suppressed (as wilsonx and others rightly pointed out). I couldnt seem to leave this girl and was sickly addicted to her until a little over a month ago when #$%^ finally hit the fan and I got my balls back and left and went NC on this girl. She only tried once to reach me once which I completely ignored because she is TOXIC.

 

Fast forward to 2 weeks ago. My ex (one that was prego) sent me a message on facebook after 6 months NC on a fri night saying she needed a friend to talk to. I spent several hours thinking of the ramifications of responding but thought I was over her and nothing could hurt me to see what was up. So since she left her #, I txted "hey its me, whats wrong".

She then said call. I did. We talked for several hours. The gist of the convo was she had gotten back with baby daddy a few months after we split, regretted it, wanted to leave him, he was dying of terminal cancer (seriously according to her), she wanted to know how to leave him in that kind of situation. I basically told her to do whats right. (HE is a loser with no job, lives with his controlling mom, smokes weed, has nothing to offer). Then the convo turned to us, our breakup, the reasons she left, and she said the words that is always told on LS that you dont take them back unless you hear: "I made a huge mistake, I'm sorry, I still LOVE YOU, I want start over, I wish we never broke up, I wanted to get back with you right away, but you told me to not respond, but I want to get back together, etc". I took that with a grain of salt in the moment, and told her that what has happened in her life is a HUGE wakeup call for her and she needs to start working on everything for the sake of her kids and people who love her, to which she agreed. SHe said the real reason she left me, and didnt tell me at the time, was because she felt smothered, suffocated, and that I was trying to control and change her. I never realized this until now. So knowing that, I promised no matter what happens between us I wouldnt do those things to her. She promised she wouldnt run on me ever again if we got back together. At the end she said she loves me.

 

Ok. So here is one RED flag I got. A day after this she said the baby daddy called and broke up with her, with a bunch of excuses, to which she found out he actually got back with his previous ex which he also has a kid with. WHEW. Talk about a love triangle. Anyways she said she was very relieved and had prayed for this, that she "didnt want to be the bad guy and break up with him" (GIGS), but she sounded hurt by it. Another time this was brought up she also sounded bitter although her words were the same.

 

Now so far all of this was through txt/phone. We actually started communicating again like when we were together, so I went with it. I'm not going to lie, my feelings came back full force like they were just dormant. Anyways we saw each other this past weekend, went out, had drinks, talked alot about what we want, pretty much agreed we loved each other, and were going to slowly get back together, and had sex. We both commented on how much we were actually able talk and how open she was, since in the previous relationship she didnt like to talk about issues much. She said she was going to be much more open now and had learned alot in the past 6 months. She again asked me to promise to always fight for her and not let her run. Which I did. I pretty much told her I have always accepted her, I mean cmon she was prego with someone else's child...

 

(I hope your still reading this, it gets better..LOL)

 

Ok so great. Next day we talk/txt, again she says she loves me etc. As I was making dinner and wanted to eat, I asked her to txt me when she was going to bed. Well around 10:30 PM she sends me a txt "hey they left". I was like... huh?? wtf?. I said "who left". She said her aunts and cousin. I said "ok I dont get it". She immediately called. She was a bit buzzed, we talked about our day. Then she said "its strange, something so good comes into my life and then something bad has to happen". She explained that her best guy friend (who she had a brief fling with years ago) was not going to be her friend anymore because almost a month ago one of his best friends tried to kiss her and that the best guy friend told her she couldnt ever date one of his friends. SHe was upset by this, and said she would never cheat on who she was with, which at the time was babby's daddy (hope your still following who is who), and I said well hopefully best guy friend realizes your friendship and comes back. Then shortly after we hung up for the night. Next day (Monday) I txt her good morning to which she didnt reply. I called a few hours later and we talked for a min but she had to get off the phone to feed the baby. She said she would call me a little later.

I HAVE NOT HEARD FROM HER SINCE.

I called later that night after work and she didnt answer. I txted her today (Tuesday) "hey I havent heard from you are you ok? Is there something wrong?". This was out of general concern/worry. She never replied.

 

My gut reaction to the "hey they left" txt (that was out of nowhere), was that it was a booty call txt meant for someone else. ANd now she is completely ignoring me. Obviously there isnt anything I have done to cause this, especially with only trying to reach her a few times since the ignoring started. But I think there is some reason (to do with her) that she is now pulling away and ignoring me. I almost feel like I was a backup plan and now she doesnt want to be the "bad guy" and dump me again and so is choosing to ignore me... although I could be completely wrong. IDK something is not right.

 

So my question is... SHOULD I FIGHT FOR HER AND DO EVERYTHING I CAN TO FIGURE OUT WHAT IS GOING ON... OR FOLLOW THE STEPS OF LETTING HER GO SO SHE CAN HAVE SPACE TO FIGURE OUT HER GIGS.

 

I want to add that I do love her and her kids with all my heart. To the point of selflessness. I would let her go if that would be better for her. I do not want to be a revolving door either. I want a committed relationship from her with no back and forth with me or other guys for that matter.

 

Let her go, is she has GIGS, chasing her will push her even more

[wilsonx]

Run for your life

 

You're a rebound

[Mr Scorpio]

Sorry to hear you're going through this. Not only were you into her, you were into the whole idea of having a family. But as Wilson said, it sounds like you were just a rebound. And like you said, the whole "hey they left" text? Doesn't sound good. I'd abort mission and start putting yourself back together.

[lalalandman]

Get the hell out of Dodge. She's a mess!

[69ways]

Sorry to hear you're going through this. Not only were you into her, you were into the whole idea of having a family. But as Wilson said, it sounds like you were just a rebound. And like you said, the whole "hey they left" text? Doesn't sound good. I'd abort mission and start putting yourself back together.

 

Ise Cypriot ?

[Jono85]

in the future, try not to get involved with girls JUST GETTING OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP. like never. just my two cents.

 

i believe it's time to take your pride back and get out. this isn't acceptable behaviour on her part.

 

she will most likely come back to you all sad and lovey dovey when who she really wants breaks her heart again, hopefully you will be wiser.

[Chi townD]

Nope! She's done like dinner. You just happened to give her a major ego stroke. Yeah, we all say don't entertain anything less than, " I love you and I made a huge mistake. I'm begging you for a second chance." But, I think you made a huge mistake. You never laid down the ground rules. "Okay, if you want to come back, this is what I need you to do." and stick with it. A lot of times, they hear the ground rules and then they have a change of heart...

 

 

Start NC on her again. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice.......you know the rest.

[heartonsleeve76]

Well I let her go. She has just up and faded out on me. She never got back to me so I just sent her a goodbye mail tonight on FB. I let her know I was doing this for her, so she can go find out exactly what it is she wants in life, regardless of the love I have for her. Her profile is public and she made a post today so I know she's alive... Just gone from me. I feel stupid for even letting her come back around in the first place. Lesson learned... Back to NC.