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How do things turn so ugly overnight?


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princesjasmyn214

I was with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 yrs. Very tumultuous relationship, both with anger problems. The Thursday before Valentine’s day he asks me to move in together, if I would marry him if he asked, that he’s been waiting 5 years to meet someone like me, all these great things, fast forward to Friday night.

 

We get into a big argument because he thought I was flirting with his best friend, calling me every name in the book. Slut, whore, skank, you name it he said it. Tried abandoning me and I just got sick of the treatment. I take his keys and other objects so he couldn’t go to work or get in his apartment. He took my purse and I got the transit police involved so that I could get it back. He calls his mom to pick him up and now she hates me because of what I have done. I feel real bad about it, I know it was childish but reacted to the name calling that he was doing. He lost out on 700 dollars because he couldn’t go to work, and he broke up with me. His mom saw my facebook and told him that I was flirting with guys, when i was not, and all this crazy stuff.

 

I feel as though, yes i over reacted in a childish, immature way and caused him much embarrassment, but why can he see his part in this? How is he solely blaming me, i didn't get in an argument by myself.

 

He said not to contact him in any way. We still email, i initiate it and all we talk about is when I can pay him back the money I caused him to miss out on. He says he doesn’t trust me and I’m a whore, i’m this and that.

 

I just don’t know how it went from talking about marriage to breaking up with me so quickly? Is he just mad now, will he ever contact me to try to resolve this? Why is his mom trying to start problems when she has always like me until now? Will his mom have a big influence on his decision to work this out with me?

 

It's been 5 weeks since i saw him, 2 since i spoke to him and i'm just shocked that everything escalated the way it did in one night.

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Er, you said it's always been a tumultuous relationship with anger problems, so you are surprised it went from hot to cold overnight when that is obviously your pattern?

 

This guy is an as.shole!! Calling you a slut, etc?! Really! You should be THANKING YOUR LUCKY STARS that you did not marry this psycho!!!

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princesjasmyn214

It just sucks. I always fall into these relationships. Very passionate but very angry... He has some great qualities, qualities that I would look for in the next.

 

I wonder if he would be better for the next girl and why couldn't he have been better for me.

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sweetheart5381

Bad **** happens fast. Trust me. Went from loving a man completely to never being able to trust him ever again (he attempted to take my life).The entire episode took all of 20 minutes, but it changed my life forever. Bad **** happens.

 

There are alot of factors in your relationship that are "red flags".

 

Stay away from him. Leave him be.

 

The "blame game" does not serve any relationship well. In the end, it is over for now and who is to blame is of no consequence now.

 

Stay away.

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princesjasmyn214

You are absolutely right! I don't like a blame game. I understand my part of the argument, and have apologized over and over. To him, his mother, everyone. I want forgiveness. I'm not evil and the fact he broke up with me saddens me even more. I put up with so much ish from him... All very crazy!

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It just sucks. I always fall into these relationships. Very passionate but very angry... He has some great qualities, qualities that I would look for in the next.

 

I wonder if he would be better for the next girl and why couldn't he have been better for me.

 

You don't fall into relationships like this, girl. You are, on some level and for some reason, attracted to relationships / men like this. I suppose it's the passion. Passion does not equal love. You need to figure out why you "fall" into Rs like this, seriously. It's very unhealthy and you need to understand it doesn't just happen you allow it to happen. At the first sign of dysfunctionality, why don't you leave? How could you spend 2.5 yrs with someone that you have a "very angry" R with? You must have boundaries, you cannot allow someone to treat you like s.hit. The first time you let them and forgive them, they learn that they can get away with it. Remember, we teach people how to treat us. You are teaching these guys that they can do what they want and you will forgive. Not good.

 

Don't worry about him and the next girl. Pity the next girl, if anything. He won't change. He is a jerk, through and through. You are better off on your own, working through your own issues so that you can enjoy and attract a healthy relationship.

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princesjasmyn214

I feel like such a fool to have been with him for so long and endure so much humiliation and at the end, he was the one to call a quits.

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BewitchedandBothered

...you were going to marry him if he asked? Consider the mother in law you'd be getting. Good riddance to that stuff.

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I feel like such a fool to have been with him for so long and endure so much humiliation and at the end, he was the one to call a quits.

 

Well, going forward make better choices. Resolve to do this, keep in mind how you feel now and DON'T allow him back in your life. You can do that. If you want to contact him, or if he contacts you and you want to respond, post here instead! You will be better off in the long run, and eventually you will GET to the "long run" and be so happy you didn't waste a second longer on this loser.

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princesjasmyn214

Thank you everyone! No longer will I look up break up advice, I will be researching "how to avoid abusive relationships". Thank you so much! it means a lot.

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