Interesting thoughts

[stimson554]

I have kind of my own theory on this Whole G.I.G.S break up thing, well not really a theory just a variation and a few thoughts that should be taken into consideration.

 

Okay

 

While I know that the dumpers reasons for the breakup are little to non existant, or at least as people put it. I'm sure there is some underlying problem in the relationship but the dumper doesn't want to expose this for fear of hurrying the dumpee so they give sometimes no answer or give many answers that seem far fetched or almost like they are trying to make themselves believe it is the truth. But I think deep down there are underlying problems within the relationship. And my theory is the dumper eventually jumps ship to look for someone else(and I agree it may be due to lack of life experience and wanting to see what else is out there) who is like the dumpee but without all the little flaws that they didn't like in the dumpee. And I think the reason they contact the dumpee from time to time is because on their journey to find this perfect guy they end up being disappointed because their expectations are never met, I think they keeps contacting the dumpee because they still have those strong feelings but don't want to give up searching yet so they use the dumpee to help keep them afloat and keep from falling apart by stringing the dumpee along to get a taste of those(old feelings) and once the dumpee has upped their confidence they go looking again. And when it comes time for reconciliation it's because the dumper realized that everyone has flaws and that the dumpee was actually a perfect fit. But unfortunately for that person(as many others have previously stated) the dumpee has already moved on by that time.

 

Just some thoughts I had on the matter, tell me what ya think.

[Sugarkane]

So true I think. Some certainly love knowing that they have you as a backup. I never want to be a second choice, only first.

[Philosoraptor]

The thing with any breakup is that the person is unhappy with something in the relationship or something within themselves. They might not always know what they are unhappy with, but they know that they are unhappy. Most breakup reasons are also minimized by the dumper as in many respects they do believe not being 100% upfront with things will soften the blow. Much of the "maybe one day in the future" and "I know I'll regret this" in many ways is also a way to relieve guilt as a dumper who truly cared for their partner does not want the dumpee to feel like they were meaningless.

 

I agree that unrealistic expectations are issues in breaking from a decent relationship, but you don't suddenly realize what you had in the past was perfect. You may change your expectations and feel that what you had before was comfortable and acceptable, but no one leaves something that is perfect. But in many reconciliations that comfort only lasts so long before the unhappiness returns.

 

Emotions are quite primal. When you have what you want then you stay and feel no need to run. When you're unhappy you know it, and you find yourself questioning things. You might not always be fully aware of what you are running from, but you know what you had didn't feel right.

 

I am in no way against reconciliations and always give the same advice. Both parties need to work on their own issues and spend time in introspective thought. Once they have worked on their issues, and both parties want to try again, a second chance can be successful. But one party saying "what we had before was perfect and I want it back" is not going to make things work. Fact is, what looks perfect in retrospect was a failure and ended. Only a truly new relationship could survive.

[jus d'orange]

Couldn't agree more with philosoraptor.

 

I think that the whole GIGS thing may be a convenient way to deflect a sense of responsibility for the dumpee. My ex said the usual clues, and even went as far as to say that she wanted to be single to see other people and learn about herself. However, I know we had problems and that she'd fallen out of love.

 

If someone is quick to say it's a GIGS breakup without analyzing all of the elements that may have lead to the breakdown of love and attraction, they risk repeating the mistakes. Yes, the dumper's youth and inexperience and desire to be "free" be an element that prevents them from trying to make it work, but that can only be a part.

 

And, as always, every dumpee should strive to recognize that they should want to be with someone who wants to be with them and isn't willing to lose them from their life.

[stimson554]

yeah i agree with you on that, i didn't mean to say that the previous relationship is perfect, what i meant was that sometimes the person comes to realize that they had what they wanted with that person. but othertthan that i agree with you guys completely. sometimes the answer is just to move on.

[loveydove]

i do agree.

[wilsonx]

I have kind of my own theory on this Whole G.I.G.S break up thing, well not really a theory just a variation and a few thoughts that should be taken into consideration.

 

Okay

 

While I know that the dumpers reasons for the breakup are little to non existant, or at least as people put it. I'm sure there is some underlying problem in the relationship but the dumper doesn't want to expose this for fear of hurrying the dumpee so they give sometimes no answer or give many answers that seem far fetched or almost like they are trying to make themselves believe it is the truth. But I think deep down there are underlying problems within the relationship. And my theory is the dumper eventually jumps ship to look for someone else(and I agree it may be due to lack of life experience and wanting to see what else is out there) who is like the dumpee but without all the little flaws that they didn't like in the dumpee. And I think the reason they contact the dumpee from time to time is because on their journey to find this perfect guy they end up being disappointed because their expectations are never met, I think they keeps contacting the dumpee because they still have those strong feelings but don't want to give up searching yet so they use the dumpee to help keep them afloat and keep from falling apart by stringing the dumpee along to get a taste of those(old feelings) and once the dumpee has upped their confidence they go looking again. And when it comes time for reconciliation it's because the dumper realized that everyone has flaws and that the dumpee was actually a perfect fit. But unfortunately for that person(as many others have previously stated) the dumpee has already moved on by that time.

 

Just some thoughts I had on the matter, tell me what ya think.

 

For a GIGS Breakup, you are correct. I agree with this!

[Philosoraptor]

yeah i agree with you on that, i didn't mean to say that the previous relationship is perfect, what i meant was that sometimes the person comes to realize that they had what they wanted with that person. but othertthan that i agree with you guys completely. sometimes the answer is just to move on.

I can't agree with this. Unless you change your standards, what you had wasn't what you wanted. You may decide to accept what you had before, but if you wanted it before you wouldn't have left.