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Broke NC to clear the guilt of harsh words and move on


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 14th March 2012, 10:47 PM   #1
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Broke NC to clear the guilt of harsh words and move on

Well, I finally could not handle the guilt of brutally telling him off 3 weeks ago (I mirrored his mean, cruel nature... he had finally, really pissed me off with his cruel, cold ways).

At that time I had asked if we could be friends, at least cordial and he told me to "Go away, I've told you like a hundred times to go away, are you ****ing oblivious!?" Etc. I said "**** you", "that was sad and low", "no friendship, you lost that too." We are co-workers as well.

So I text him last night to say sorry for the harsh words, etc. I didnt care if he replied, I did it so I could move on and know that I won't carry guilt for being as cold and mean as he is. I told him to not reply, just clearing the air. I did not speak of ever getting back together, friendship, etc that is impossible after his silly head games, ie. wants me one minute, then doesn't care if he sees me at all, etc.

He replied.

He said how he "wished we could smile at one another when we see each other, talk and be friends." He said "One day, you will know why I had to do what I did, I hope." "Nothing lasts forever and when I think of us I smile." Funny, he was saying **** off a few weeks ago and now he wants to be friends??

He never really gave me a reason for the break-up. It messed with my mind til NC, then I understood the games.

I replied and told him point blank that a TRUE friend would not have played with my heart for months and been so cold and mean to me in the end. He knew I loved him and wanted a future - he instigated the "relationship", chased me then and pretended to want a future too, he talked all the time about us travelling together, being together, etc.

Perhaps remorse has finally set in on his cold, sorry ass, and he really misses me or maybe he just wants freedom from the guilt of playing me for the last several months. Most likely, he wants to know he can still string me along as he has.

Any thoughts on this?
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Old 15th March 2012, 8:55 AM   #2
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Anyone who truly knew you would understand where negative words have come from. There was no need to apologize as it usually falls upon deaf ears.
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Old 15th March 2012, 9:00 AM   #3
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You didn't have to apologize; he played games with you--he should apologize. You have a good heart.
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Old 15th March 2012, 9:11 AM   #4
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I don't agree with lashing out when hurt, but I do agree there was no need to apologise. In these situations it's best you give each other space to move on. You were hurt and lashed out. Your ex already knows you are a good person who was just reacting out of feeling hurt and let down. There was no need to break NC.

You broke NC and while you say you didn't care of he replied, but here you are asking questions about his behaviour/response. If I were you I back up my words. You said you did this so you can move on (were u kidding yourself? did you just use this as an opportunity to reconnect?) so now you have done it. Move on.

Try to learn from this. Screaming and lashing out are the actions of an emotionally immature person. Try to communicate better going forward. We all get hurt, doesnt mean we have to stoop to the level of our partners/ex partners..Move forward. You deserve better. Go get better for yourself.
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Old 15th March 2012, 2:34 PM   #5
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and now after sending that text, you've stirred up drama and both of you are texting trying to "prove" points again.

congrats?
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Old 15th March 2012, 4:34 PM   #6
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I'm really worried that she gave him the upper hand/stroked his ego. "Ha! she wants me!" kind of thing. It was best to let the sleeping dog lie. You didn't need to apologize; you were responding to his actions by lashing out; it is human. I hope he doesn't bother you, Sweetheart, and that you have better chance to heal. The past is gone, don't go back there<3
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Old 15th March 2012, 6:22 PM   #7
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Thank you for the responses.

I personally felt deep regret for responding to a person in a manner that I deemed to be quite harsh. I hold myself accountable for my actions whether in anger or not. I did not apologize because he "deserved" it, but because I deserved to let go of any residual guilt over my own choice of words.

Again, realize that we see each other everyday, so true NC is not possible because we are still connected as co-workers.

I do not regret sending the text, as his unexpected reply is really quite meaningless without action. His actions or lack thereof will indicate his true intentions in time.

That being said, I have learned that if you feel the need to question someone's true intent behind friendship, that's a clear sign that friendship with them is not a good choice.

Btw, there is no drama, no ongoing texting or communication. I am quite happy to no longer feel the pressure of being in a romantic relationship and intend to keep it that way for quite some time, perhaps indefinitely
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Old 16th March 2012, 1:14 AM   #8
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Your ex sounds exactly like mine. What a jerk! What about not dumping and verbally abusing people? What about actually having some decency? Who the hell wouldn't be angry?

Unlike you I took the high road, but I often wonder what was the point? I did everything right and yet no one cared and it made really no difference. Everybody took the Ahole's side anyway, even with taking the high road.

Like you I never bothered with the thought of being friends. Maybe they should grow some balls and be a man first? They aren't remotely even worth it. What sort of friend dumps you for no reason and then verbally abuses you?

I hope you act ice cold to this assclown. What a jerk.
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Old 16th March 2012, 1:21 AM   #9
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I bet my money on that if someone did the same thing to these jokers, they would be angry and the same thing.
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Old 16th March 2012, 8:43 AM   #10
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My ex brought out my inner ugly. I hated how I got when I was with him. He became so abusive and hurtful that I would want to say things to hurt him back. It was later that I found out that he was enjoying this and I learned to stop rewarding bad behavior. He would start a fight and I would act indifferent and not respond. It drove him crazy at first but eventually the fighting stopped. No need to call back these creeps to clear the air. Some people cannot be reasoned with and you end up getting hurt and having to heal all over again. Meanwhile, he gets to say "she called me again!"--you boosted his ego while yours was taken down a few pegs. You are too good a person to tolerate that nonsense.
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