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How can she move on so quickly?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

 
 
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Old 21st December 2011, 7:33 PM   #1
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How can she move on so quickly?

I found out my girlfriend was seeing someone else never had the decency to tell me and then blame me saying I told you Randy we should see other mates a month ago but you never listened ( Totally lied by the way) Anyways.. How can she already be in a relationship with this man already and it has only been a month? How can she move on so quickly and forget all the good times we had and already be in a relationship with someone in just one month? I feel sick like I was never good enough and all I was to her was a mate and she didn't even care about me She even had the audacity to say Randy I think we should still be mates. How can I possibly be a mate with someone who cheated on me basically called me a liar and is happy with him in just one month? I would never be her mate after she tossed me aside like I was nothing and moved on with him. I miss her so,so much. One minute I miss her and the next I am over her. It is driving me bloody crazy!
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Old 21st December 2011, 8:20 PM   #2
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You'd be surprised at how common it is for the Dumper to start dating somebody new a month (or even weeks) after a break-up. The general consensus around here is that you should let this new relationship run its course. Give her time and space, and do the "No Contact" thing. Trying to do anything else usually ends in disaster. Take this as an opportunity to work on yourself (make new friends, get new hobbies, focus on work/school, etc.).
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Old 21st December 2011, 8:29 PM   #3
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I found out my girlfriend was seeing someone else never had the decency to tell me and then blame me saying I told you Randy we should see other mates a month ago but you never listened ( Totally lied by the way) Anyways.. How can she already be in a relationship with this man already and it has only been a month? How can she move on so quickly and forget all the good times we had and already be in a relationship with someone in just one month? I feel sick like I was never good enough and all I was to her was a mate and she didn't even care about me She even had the audacity to say Randy I think we should still be mates. How can I possibly be a mate with someone who cheated on me basically called me a liar and is happy with him in just one month? I would never be her mate after she tossed me aside like I was nothing and moved on with him. I miss her so,so much. One minute I miss her and the next I am over her. It is driving me bloody crazy!
She convinces herself that what she says is true. She's rewriting your relationship history. Dont sweat it, it hurts but it will eventually crash down the road for her.

I asked a lot of my friends that do this are you lying to yourself and they all say no, they "convince" themself that whatever excuse they make is true. Thats why it does not make sense to most of us.
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Old 21st December 2011, 8:40 PM   #4
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I asked a lot of my friends that do this are you lying to yourself and they all say no, they "convince" themself that whatever excuse they make is true. Thats why it does not make sense to most of us.
During the two week period when my girlfriend was hot & cold with the relationship, I probably heard a dozen excuses. During a "cold" moment, she'd give me a reason why we should break up... then in a "hot" moment (when she really wanted to the relationship to work) I'd ask her about it and she would explain to me why her previous reason was complete BS! ...then when she was back to being cold, she'd have a whole new reason locked and loaded.
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Old 21st December 2011, 9:33 PM   #5
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I also don't understand it either. They can't be single got more than 5 minutes no matter what. These people always seen to need someone there. These people seem to be girlfriend/ boyfriend aholics. I don't understand how they can never have some what ifs? They always paint you black or gaslight you so they feel better about themselves. I hope it all falls apart for them.Especially being" in love" 5 minutes later with someone else
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Old 21st December 2011, 9:35 PM   #6
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I'd like to say to them " and areyou going to cheat on this new person too?!" you should've said that OP!
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Old 21st December 2011, 9:46 PM   #7
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Randy, whatever you did to kill her attraction to you overshadowed all of the good times. So while she was losing that attraction, she was probably telling you all the things you wanted to hear. A few months later, shes totally tired of you, breaks it off, and thats why she can date other guys. She moved on months ago. Thats the only way it works. She was looking to move on before you even had a clue anything was wrong. So anything you think should mean something to her means nothing. All you can do is let time heal, forget about her, and make it work better with the next woman.
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Old 21st December 2011, 9:49 PM   #8
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This isnt necessarily true

If this is a GIGS breakup, its like a lightswitch, they can just turn off and go numb.
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Old 21st December 2011, 9:58 PM   #9
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Randy, whatever you did to kill her attraction to you overshadowed all of the good times. So while she was losing that attraction, she was probably telling you all the things you wanted to hear. A few months later, shes totally tired of you, breaks it off, and thats why she can date other guys. She moved on months ago. Thats the only way it works. She was looking to move on before you even had a clue anything was wrong. So anything you think should mean something to her means nothing. All you can do is let time heal, forget about her, and make it work better with the next woman.
I loathe how people do this. Why can't people just god forbid communicate? Instead of say nothing about what annoys them and then breakup with you.
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Old 21st December 2011, 10:09 PM   #10
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I loathe how people do this. Why can't people just god forbid communicate? Instead of say nothing about what annoys them and then breakup with you.
Because they dont think the relationship is worth saving, so why would a dumper tell the dumpee how to fix what they dont care to fix?
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Old 21st December 2011, 10:10 PM   #11
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My girlfriend did subtle things like say you should do more of this which but never ever did she communicate and say Randy this is not working out and she would say we need to talk and I said okay let's talk and she never talked so it is partially her fault too she never talked she just kept leading me on and on and making me think everything was ok and never saying Randy I have met someone else no I had to find that out on my own and when I confronted her she blamed me saying Randy I always said I wanted to date other people BS you never said that. In fact she wanted to get married and wanted me to impregnate her and she said we would live happily ever after this was exactly 2 days before I found out about her cheating and she also wanted me to go down on her and she totally got excited and managed to bite me and I have the bite marks to prove it. I wonder how her boyfriend would feel about that one? She is clearly bloody crazy and I hope what goes around comes around to her.
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Old 21st December 2011, 10:16 PM   #12
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Andy I completely Agree with you. My ex did exactly the same thing. Then said that I can't communicate! WTF? Although minus the biting. That's strange!
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Old 21st December 2011, 10:36 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by Eddie Edirol View Post
Randy, whatever you did to kill her attraction to you overshadowed all of the good times. So while she was losing that attraction, she was probably telling you all the things you wanted to hear. A few months later, shes totally tired of you, breaks it off, and thats why she can date other guys. She moved on months ago. Thats the only way it works. She was looking to move on before you even had a clue anything was wrong. So anything you think should mean something to her means nothing. All you can do is let time heal, forget about her, and make it work better with the next woman.
Eddie Edirol, you seem to be really bitter. Every single story that I've seen a comment from you on, has been nothing but negative...who hurt you, Eddie? Who hurt you?

I for one think that this girl is just caught up in the excitement of dating someone new, the honeymoon period - once that glow wears off and they can be their true selves in the relationship, that's when I think it'll either fall apart or blossom. Chances are, since it was so soon after your split, it'll collapse because she'll be comparing her comfort with you to the new relationship with him.

Stay strong and NC. You deserve better, respect yourself
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Old 21st December 2011, 11:14 PM   #14
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I am trying to stay strong and I have not contacted her at all since I confronted her and she said what she said. It still stings and I knew I should of walked a long time ago but I put up with her spoiled, immature behavior and figured she would change ( she didn't) and in the end she ended up walking out on me with another man and that is the part that feels like a bullet just went into my heart. I am sure it will heal someday but at least for the next few weeks possibly month it will hurt especially since it is close to New Years and I was looking forward to spending it with her. I was actually happy thinking finally I have a date for New Years and she even told me months ago how she was looking forward to spending it with me and now that will never happen and I am sad.
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Old 21st December 2011, 11:40 PM   #15
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Randy there are some hard things for you to accept right now:

1. It's over
2. She didn't treat you well
3. Because of 1 and 2 you HAVE to move on.

You aren't moving on. I know this all too well because I've been stuck in the same holding pattern. You have to COMPLETELY move on. Call it a day. Tell yourself it's totally over.

What your ex does now is completely HER business and NONE of yours. So she cheats on the new guy? Not your problem. So the new boyfriend gets bit? Again, not your business. So she's a horrible communicator? That's trouble for the new guy... YOU ARE OUT!

I know it's hard. Damn, I've been there and still am believe me. YOU HAVE TO LET GO.. and I mean let go completely.
So this chick was bad news. GREAT! That's good information. That means you won't have to deal with her anymore.

I know songs on the radio, or places you went together are still gonna tug at your heart strings. It's NORMAL and it hurts; and it will for a while.
Just muddle through. It's all we can do at this point. The ex is history, and THANK GOD FOR THAT because story after story I read here, including yours, the ex wasn't all that nice to us to begin with.

I mean, do you really want to go back to that kind of drama, especially with the disadvantage of not knowing if she'll up and bail on you again for some other dude?

You dodged a bullet. I dodged a bullet. Many other people posting here have all dodged bullets. Read other posts. Listen to how shi***y other people have been treated right before the break-up. Hell even the WHOLE relationship!

And yet we are still here pining. Is it irrational? Hell yes it is, but we all seem to be here going through it.

A few things are inevitable. You will get over this and you will meet someone else... but not now, and probably not tomorrow. Just gotta hang in there! It's sucks I know, but crap like this just doesn't heal overnight, and no amount of insight to your situation is gonna make it go any faster.

You can speculate until the cows come home but the bottom line is still the same. It's over. And by with how she treated you, it's really a good thing... just gonna take some time for you to really understand that.
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