keepdancin Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 How do I unfriend without feeling like I have broken no contact? It is not out of spite, being mean, or trying to get a reaction out of him and I don't want it to come across that way. I am afraid unfriending will be stirring up the hornet's nest. It's been 37 days of NC, 4 months after the breakup, I've been feeling fantastic, and don't want to mess up the roll I am on. I just want him to continue to disappear. Do I send a message first? If so, what do I say? In the same regards, I feel like I would be upset if he didn't respond at all. I guess it comes down to the fact that I can't really think of one good reason for us to be friends on FB. I just want my privacy right now, but having special settings or restricted lists specifically just seems so fake and creepy. Does anyone have any post-unfriending stories? (I know some of you think FB is stupid, but I work in an industry where it is incredibly important and a fun part of work and socializing, so this is an important subject.) Link to post Share on other sites
BoredAgain Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 Just do it. From what you say, it sounds like any contact with him wouldn't be great for you. And, if I remember correctly, there are no alerts when somebody unfriends you. So there's a possibility it would take him awhile to even notice. But even if he does notice right away and he does assume you're doing it out of spite, so what? He'll get over it, and you can always apologize for it in the future when you're no longer emotionally invested. Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 Just block him then. If he even notices, he won't know if he is blocked or you deactivated. I'm thinking about doing the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author keepdancin Posted December 14, 2011 Author Share Posted December 14, 2011 (edited) Just block him then. If he even notices, he won't know if he is blocked or you deactivated. I'm thinking about doing the same thing. Wait, wait, when you block someone, it appears as thought you are just deactivated, don't have a FB account? I just unfriended his brother, Dad, and his buddy and even that was traumatic... GAH! I knew this had to be done some day, but I guess a part of me was hoping I wouldn't have to. I'm surprised at the amount of anxiety unfriending causes. Edited December 14, 2011 by keepdancin Link to post Share on other sites
stitch702 Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 Honestly do it for you...who cares what he thinks. I unfriended my ex because she is always on that MO FO!!!! I didn't do it to spite her, I did it for me and believed that it would help me to move on for now by cutting her out of my life. I wonder sometimes what she's up to, but its better not knowing, at least now I can focus on myself without seeing every status update....I had blocked her so I didn't see her updates, but we have mutual friends that comment on her statuses so it didn't really help. For me unfriending her was the best decision I made...if we were meant to be friends or more, they will somehow find a way back into my life... Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 I unfriended my ex g/f a week after she dumped me and didn't really care if she noticed or not,, she wanted me out of her life so she got it! There is no message to the other that they have been unfriended,, you can't read their wall and they can't read/see yours either. Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 Wait, wait, when you block someone, it appears as thought you are just deactivated, don't have a FB account? I just unfriended his brother, Dad, and his buddy and even that was traumatic... GAH! I knew this had to be done some day, but I guess a part of me was hoping I wouldn't have to. I'm surprised at the amount of anxiety unfriending causes. Don't feel bad, it was embarrassing the amount of time I spent debating and analyzing Facebook. Yes if you block they will never know unless they search ofrom outside their account and you can be searched. If they go through the trouble, more power to them. If you defined them they will know it IF they pay attention or go to look. Friends drop off for me all the time, I don't think many people have time to keep track. Link to post Share on other sites
EyeAlone Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 As my ex was dumping me over the phone, I was busy unfriending and blocking him on Facebook. No regrets. If clicking the "unfriend" option is too much for you, ask a friend to do it for you. Then block them. I guarantee you that the disgust/hurt/sadness/loneliness/anger you'll feel when your ex posts pictures of a new person that they're dating or whatever and it shows up in your news feed will be much, much worse than the anxiety you're experiencing. BTDT. Trust me on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
lilyblue Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 FB created a lot of anxiety for me too. I had my brother unfriend him last week, and even that was hard for some reason. It was still me severing a tie to him, they had become friends this summer. Fb was all I had left of him. Well, and his tent. People told me to unfriend him, but I don't know if that would have helped me at all, he never really posts, but I did look at pictures of us and things we did from before. Well Saturday he friended his ex-wife/current gf and a few hours later unfriended me. So... I guess I don't have to make that decision anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author keepdancin Posted December 14, 2011 Author Share Posted December 14, 2011 (edited) she wanted me out of her life so she got it! Good point! This one rings true for me and is so simple and just plain "it is what it is." It's kind of the thing I was looking for to help me hammer that last nail in the coffin. Edited December 14, 2011 by keepdancin just unnecessary Link to post Share on other sites
SelfCentered Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 When my ex and I were having "the talk" that eventually led to breaking up, she said how she wanted to have me in some form in her life, just not as a bf. I scoffed, remembering my last ex asking the same thing. I replied quietly, sternly: "No. You can't have your cake and eat it too. You have no right to ask that of me". Few weeks later, I deleted her from FB. I thought about doing it without saying a word but I wanted to be clear about why I was doing it. She's my best friend's sister and, truth be told, he is closer to me than he is to her, but I didn't want her saying to him, her mum (who I have a good relationship with) or her dad (who I'd like to build a professional relationship with as he is in a promising line of work) along the lines of: "Why is he being so bitter and childish?" So I emailed her saying that I needed a fresh start without the temptation of watching her life. I said I wished her the best but I have to do what's best for me. She never replied- not like it bothers me. I have no guilt now. I can see both sides to it though. It you're the dumpee, it's easy to say "I owe them no explanation" and rightly so! But in my circumstance I considered it an act of closure. It was upsetting and horrible at the time, but I don't regret it. Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 For those of you whose main problem with Facebook is that you can't control yourself from looking at a person's page -- but for whatever reason, you don't want to block them -- one option is blocking that page from yourself on your Internet browser. Most browsers have an option for this and if yours doesn't, you could always download one that does for sure -- Firefox. Here's how to do it: https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/blocksite/ Once you apply this setting to your person's Facebook page, you will get a warning of "Restricted Access" if you ever try to visit the URL. And yes, you could undo the settings if you really wished, but it requires a process, and just having that message come up should be a good tool for self-restraint. I used this feature myself once when I was pining for someone who had zero chance of returning my feelings. I found myself visiting his Facebook page too often and it was making me miserable to know all the ins and outs of his life. At the same time, he'd done nothing wrong to me, we were on friendly terms, and unfriending him on Facebook seemed like a melodramatic move that might actually reveal the depth of my feelings for him. Blocking his page was the right call for me. Link to post Share on other sites
phone66 Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 I had a really hard time unfriending and blocking my ex, I did it about 2 weeks after the break up. She broke up with me and wanted me to move out so I did, before i unfriended her I changed my status to single from in a relationship, the next day she texted me and was like i have already seen and you hbave made it clear your single, WHAT? I replied with You have made it very clear you want me to be single, i did not choose this. Any way a few days later I unfriended and blocked, and I cried for like 30 mins but after felt good. I would rather have a splinter of dignity and respect for myself and be the one to unfriend and block her rather than her doing it to me and having to deal with that feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
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