PatheticGirl Posted January 4, 2004 Share Posted January 4, 2004 I am a 21yr. old female. When I was 17 I had my first serious boyfriend (had many previous ones, but not serious) and I thought he was the one. I lost it to him although I wasn't even with him for more than a year. Then months go by and I found out he cheated with one of his coworkers. I felt that my whole world felt apart. At first i was so angry, then when it finally hit me I couldn't stop crying about it. I couldn't believe it that the person I loved so much could have done this to me. Time went on and I forgave him, but I did not get back with him it got worst. He would just called me for sex. And the funny most pathetic part of this is that it's been 2yrs later and I am still in the same spot i was after the break up and worst. I have had other b.f's but still run back to him. I don't put much effort into my relationships because I know i can run back to him. It has gone worst whether I don't know if he can be married, have kids, be gay, etc..... I mean I have become so depress about my life that all i do stay at home and have sheltered myself from the world. I mean a lot people consider me a very smart person yet i am so stupid at the same time. How can I let myself be so stupid and be used by this guy like that. I have more things going on in my life than he does, I am attractive, and I am very nice person, yet he doesn't appreciate me. Also is that nobody know about this....my family, friends, etc.They don't know i am still seeing this individual, and it's embarrasing how pathetic I am being used like this. I am so ashamed of myself and now I finally decided to stop talking to him, but then again i have said that a million times and run back to him, using the excuse that there no one else in my life right now so yeah i can be with him just for fun since I am young........ Any advice will be appreciate it P.S You probably what kind of advice I am asking for, honestly I don't even know myself, just had to tell someone since I am to ashame and have too much pride to tell anyone that knows me. Sorry I posted this twice, It was my first post and I posted on the wrong forum. Link to post Share on other sites
MercyRose Posted January 5, 2004 Share Posted January 5, 2004 Then months go by and I found out he cheated with one of his coworkers. Everyone knows that if a guy cheats once he'll do it again. But you already know this. He would just called me for sex. You know you are being used. He doesn't love you. Nobody who loves and has genuine respect and caring for another would ever do this. But then again, you know this too. I don't put much effort into my relationships because I know i can run back to him. Hmm, since you know so much already there must be another reason you are behaving like this. Either you haven't met the right guy yet, or you have low self-esteem,or you just want to have fun with someone you obviously have desire overload with, or you are afraid of having a decent relationship or any relationship at all. They don't know i am still seeing this individual, and it's embarrasing how pathetic I am being used like this. You are not being used. You are allowing yourself to be used. You choose to be used. You make a conscious decision to be used. Don't blame him for using you. And yes, you are ashamed of your behaviour. That's good, at least you know that what you are doing is disrespecting yourself. It doesn't matter what other people think. What matters is what you think. I am so ashamed of myself and now I finally decided to stop talking to him, but then again i have said that a million times and run back to him, using the excuse that there no one else in my life right now so yeah i can be with him just for fun since I am young........ You are using any excuse to justify your choice of allowing someone to use you. You obviously want to feel disrespected. Now you have to look at the deeper reasons as to why. Do you think you don't deserve any better? Do you have a deep ingrained belief that all men will use you? I don't know the reasons but I do know that there is some reason. It's nothing to do with this guy it's to do with you. You inside. The only advice I can give you is to try and find out what that reason is and then to work on it. For your own happiness in the future. Maybe you could try counselling or something because we are not qualified here to dig deep and find the real reasons for you. It's up to you. The questions here are: Do you want to be happy? Do you want to make the effort to find out the reasons why you are behaving like this? And most importantly: Are you prepared to do all the work involved to become a whole, healthy and happy person with self-love and self-respect? Link to post Share on other sites
patheticgirl Posted January 5, 2004 Share Posted January 5, 2004 Thanks for you advice and you are right I brought this upon myself. I am allowing him to use me. I decided to not speak to him again. Hopefully this time I come through with it..... Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 5, 2004 Share Posted January 5, 2004 good luck with your decision not to contact him again... in my opinion probably due my upbringing and culture sex should be part of a loving relationship between two people i have never enjoyed sex outside a relationship and always felt really bad after it hopefully you'll meet the right guy someday and you'll know what i mean Link to post Share on other sites
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