This is going to kill me - my life is over!

[Tre]

My girlfriend of four years has just broken up with me. Its a long complicated story which I wont go into now. But basicaly I feel that she is the only one for me. She is my soul mate and I cant live without her. I cant meet another girl she is that only one I have eyes for. I would do anything for her. This feeling of love is so strong and the thought of my life without her is so empty. I feel I cant go on.

 

What am I going to do? I only want her.

[Hopeovexperience]

You can and will get through this.

 

Your life is not empty without her although I know it feels like it. Your life is full of you.

 

About ten years ago, I was with someone for a long time. My feelings changed and I had to leave him but letting him down was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But I had to do it for his sake as much as my own. He deserved more than I could give him at that stage. It took him a long time to get over it, he became very, very depressed and I often wanted to go back to him just to ease his pain. But he did get over it. And he did find someone who could love him as much as he loved her, they had a child and are living happily ever after.

 

I am firmly of the opion now that what he learned through what followed our relationship then has helped him go on to form a more succesful relationship with someone else. Whereas I (the dumper) have gone from pillar to post ever since and it doesn't get any easier to cope with as you get older.

 

Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship, cry as much as you want, post as much as you want. Stay in bed for a couple of days if that helps. Don't punish yourself by thinking that you can 'do' anything. Right now you possibly can't.

 

Take care and there are always people here who understand.

[Tony T]

That's the way we all feel right after we've been left by someone we love. However, as time passes we understand that because we loved them we don't want them to be with us if that's not what they want. We also understand that we would have a terrible life if we trapped someone into being with us who did not want to do so.

 

Dating and courting is for the purpose of finding someone with whom we want to spend the rest of our lives. You have just found out that your girlfriend does not have sufficient committment to you to remain with you for that amount of time. You should be quite relieved. Just think, had you married her and had two or three children how much more painful it would have been when she finally decided to jump ship.

 

Sure, it's painful as hell right now...you don't want to eat...sleep...or do much of anything. As time passes, it gets much better. This is a time of healing, evoluation, growth and change. Be kind to yourself and stop trying to tell yourself this is the only one for you. By virtue of the fact that she broke up with you, that's evidence that she is NOT! There is simply no way you want somebody like that.

 

Now, if you had absolutely no warning that this would happen...if you had no idea whatsoever that she was going to break up with you...if everything was going wonderfully...I would also venture to say that your ex girlfriend is certifiably insane at worst and the world's worst communicator at best. Neither one of those qualities would make her a good partner....or even a partner at all. You must have known there were some issues in the relationship that needed addressing. If you didn't, shame on her for not discussing her dissatisfaction or desire to move on.

 

Take good care of yourself, see a counsellor if necessary. It's OK to be sad for a while but don't go over the deep end. What you're going through is something we all experience. But eventually there is total happiness and you forget it ever happened. Right now, that's hard for you to understand. So just trust me on this.

[Tre]

My head and my heart are conflicting so much over this. In my heart I love her so much and never want to lose her. My head is telling me to move on. But when ever I break contact with her I am always hoping that she will call me and want me back. I cant help it however hard I try. How will I ever get a new relationship if I think like that and cant get over her???

 

Usually she does call me after a month or so and says she loves me again. Then after a day or two after getting my hopes up she dumps me again. She is not doing it on purpose I know that - she is just confused herself.

 

I suppose the other part of the problem is that I am scared that I will not be able to find such a good love again. She was exactly my type of girl and they dont turn up every day. So beautiful and cute - all I would ever want in a woman.

 

I have not been with another girl for four years, I am a very faithful person. I just feel like I will never find love and happiness again. (I know you will dissagree) but thats how I feel. She is the only serious girlfriend I have ever had and I also find it dawnting to think I will have to build a relationship like that from the ground up.

 

I cant go on feeling like this please tell me how I can help myself forget her

[UCFKevin]

Believe me when I tell you there is absolutely NOTHING you can do but sit, sulk, cry, sleep in, eat, don't eat, whatever it is you do.

 

Just give it time. You hate hearing that, but it's true. Time will make you feel better. Nothing else.

[HokeyReligions]

I cant go on feeling like this please tell me how I can help myself forget her

Have NO contact with her. Change your phone number - do not take her calls, block her from your email. You can't swim to the surface to be able to breathe if you are tethered on the bottom of the ocean -- you have to kick free.

 

She is not the perfect girl for you -- if she were then she would not dump you then call you then dump you and be so selfish and not consider your feelings -- which is what she is doing.

 

You WILL get past this.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

Tre i feel for you man, i have been broken up 6 weeks and i feel no better as yet and can't deal with it

 

it took me slightly over 3 1/2 years to let someone into my heart again, i suppose i had my defences up for a lot of that time

 

the girl that i took so so so long to get over, i didn't see her for over 2 1/2 years

 

i figure if i kept in contact with her i wouldn't have eventually moved on

 

this is what you have got to do, it is extremely bad of her to keep you dangling like this, at least my girlfriend from 4 years ago had the civility to do the 'no contact forever' with me as she knew that i loved her and couldn't move on, i tried to be friends but she knew it killed me so she made the decision to stay away ( this was a terrible but necessary experience but in the end it was better than seeing her and trying to be friends )

 

however i now think i could be friends with my girlfriend for years ago as this year i fell in with another girl ( she finally helped me have final closure ) , even when i was dating my newest ex girlfriend i still thought about my ex and how she was, this is normal as we always have a little space in our heart for loved ones

 

i know how you feel only wanting her, at the weekend i had girls approaching me in the niteclubs and i have no interest, my friends thought i was crazy

 

although like you now i am currently being guilty of staying in contact with my ex as she invited me to her birthday a few nights ago and i went and it is impossible to switch of my emotions

 

so even though i have lived through this before and know what to do i am still making the same mistakes hence my name on loveshack

 

i hope my post will help you Tre, this is a terrible experience i know

[monkey]

Hey Tre

I definately know how you feel man. My gf told me she needed space & time from me whilst i was with her in America, she was working there, we were planning on starting a life together there. I got ill a month before i planned to return to England & she cared for me a lot, as i would expect though, this is what people in relationships do for each other!

I returned to England to tie up a fiew things & she dropped the bombshell that she wanted space from me because the last month was hard for her. I mean a medical problem, you can't help!

I felt at the time it was the end of my life & still do think it sometimes, though not as much. I still love her with all my heart & get times of desperation & crying & other times of optimism that i have the future & no-one knows what will happen. I stayed in bed for 6 weeks & lost my fitness, i used to keep in shape, but i lost all interest & self respect, this happens. I got kind of obsessed & jealous that she was with someone else although she says she wants no-one. My whole world is in limbo as i'm sure yours is.

It does get easier, you just take it a day at a time.

Just do what it takes & give it as much time as it takes.

[Cpunch75]

Hey Tre-

 

Think of the positive things about yourself, like for example, the fact that you have successfully had a 4 year relationship with a woman. This is a huge acheivement and you should be proud of yourself. You have more than you think you do, it's just that right now you are not valuing it. Your next Girlfriend will be very impressed with this fact, that you are a stable guy.

 

I had the same feelings that you have now, the waking up 6am feeling, all alone, the struggle to keep a straight face, the lost motivation of everything, but I eventually learned that the lesson here is to never ever rely on someone for my happiness, and maybe that is what this episode is teaching you now. Love yourself man, treat yourself good, go out and buy a new cd and get a new wardrobe, get out again and experience meeting new people again, this is your cue. Think of this as enrichment, not rejection. Change the meaning and you will change how you are viewing this situation.

 

"How will I ever get a new relationship if I think like that and cant get over her???" You won't until you are healed and ready to move on, this is a part of life and EVERYONE goes through it bro, Everyone.

C