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Why is my ex friend/boyfriend still acting this way?


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JengleBells83

Long story short, My ex and I were friends for over 2 years and had a total blast together, and began dating this past May, until the very end of August. The relationship was great until the last 2 weeks of it...I had been dealing with the long distance between us (2 hours), the death of my grandfather, hormonal changes..and him being depressed and lonely. He told me he needed a "break", but would call soon. That was 2.5 months ago. I found out that he had a "girlfriend" 4 DAYS after we broke up. By the way, she is 19, and he is 31. Ouch. So about a month ago, he found out that I was at this bar, and he came up there. He acted all figety, couldn't say hello, nothing. He acted totally weird. i was very nice, cool even...willing to talk. My friend asked him if he could be friends with me again, and he said not tonight. On halloween I texted him, that I still cared and was hoping we could talk soon. nothing.

 

So Saturday, once again, ended up at the same place he was at, again I started off totally nice and sweet, tried to talk to him, and again...nothing. Because his girlfriend can't get into the bar, she waited for him out in the parking lot..and he would run out there just as I was outside to hug and be all lovely dovey with her..right in front of me. He knows that I'm hurt, he knows that I still care about him...yet he still has no words for me. I had a few too many drinks, and confronted him...I said, are you ever going to talk to me? he said nothing...and then I said "Oh, thats right, I'm not 19..sorry." and ran away. A little zinger, but nothing too over the top.

 

So he texts my friend later that night and says that he doesn't think that she should bring me around "his" parts anymore, and that he really doesn't want to have anything to do with me. Ouch again. Then my friend informed me that he made a post on facebook, about me. Saying "Dear ex-girlfriends:you earned that "ex". get over it. I'm happy and completely in love with my girlfriend." was that REALLY necessary? I can't see his page because he has me blocked. I did send him a few texts that night after we got home, telling him how much hes hurt me, and why are you being this way, again no response. I'm donezo now.

 

I know now that I really actually do not even want to be friends with this guy, that he has TOTALLY changed for the worse, and isn't someone I'd ever want in my life. A part of me does feel bad that it ended SO bad between us after our great friendship. I didn't want things to be this way, and I've gone out of my way to be nice to him, and apologize for my wrongs, repeatedly. He has never apologized to me. I never wanted ill will between us. I just don't understand why he does. My real question is: Why is he acting like this? Still?

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He is acting that way because he feels like a total ******* for hurting you. He doesn't know how to respond. Also I think maybe because his girlfriend is young she might be possessive too. Are you following him? You keep "bumping" into him? What is the bar situation in your city? Is there tons of them or only a few? Are these bars that you normally wouldn't go? He might have gone out looking to have a good time and not expecting to see you so he panicked. It is too bad that a friendship had to end that way. And he leaves his girlfriend in the car? While he goes in and drinks? WTF???? He did you wrong and your relationship wasn't that long so I am thinking just move on from this one. Guy seems like a jerk.

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He is acting that way because he feels like a total ******* for hurting you. He doesn't know how to respond. Also I think maybe because his girlfriend is young she might be possessive too. Are you following him? You keep "bumping" into him? What is the bar situation in your city? Is there tons of them or only a few? Are these bars that you normally wouldn't go? He might have gone out looking to have a good time and not expecting to see you so he panicked. It is too bad that a friendship had to end that way. And he leaves his girlfriend in the car? While he goes in and drinks? WTF???? He did you wrong and your relationship wasn't that long so I am thinking just move on from this one. Guy seems like a jerk.

 

He sounds like a very immature douche bag. I don't know many 31 year olds that would act like that... but I do know a few.

I will agree, time to move on. He can't see to act like adult about all of this and it's just not worth the time or effort on your part. I mean really?! posting that FB status? Sad, so sad.

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JengleBells83

Thats the thing...I NEVER dreamed in a million years that he would EVER turn on me. I am definitely moving on, I just dont understand how he can act like this after how good of friends we were..and why he would WANT to leave it like this.

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Have a similar situation, but not nearly as bad as yours. Was friends with this guy for three years 2008 - 2011. We weren't extremely close, though. Just classmate/casual acquaintance type friends for most of that time. Got a little closer in the last six months, and eventually got together for a month over this past summer (sex included). He ended it because he just didn't feel "it" (special feelings, I guess) with me.

 

He's 31 and his new girlfriend is 23. Not as bad as 19, but still younger. I ran into them the other day and we were all cordial about it. I don't even know if the new gf knows about me, given that I wasn't a long-term past gf, but rather, just a summer fling. When I ran into them, I acted like I was just a friend.

 

Anyway, he hasn't done anything horrible as in...hasn't said anything mean. But he hasn't responded to a couple of friendly texts I sent him (hadn't talked to him in 3 months and had texted him saying "how is everything?") I'm assuming he doesn't respond because he doesn't want to violate the sanctity of his new relationship.

 

This is a guy who's good about texting back, replying back to emails, etc. It's like he's just a jerk now because he has a new gf. Or it could be the preserving the sanctity thing I mentioned. However, you'd think he'd send one text saying, "I can't talk to you because of my new girlfriend."

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Also, your guy does sound like a huge jerk. Ugh. Put that a__hole behind you. My guy isn't as bad. We're still FB friends and neither of us says anything on FB about anything.

 

But your guy...colossal a__hole.

Edited by Jane2011
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Long story short, My ex and I were friends for over 2 years and had a total blast together, and began dating this past May, until the very end of August. The relationship was great until the last 2 weeks of it...I had been dealing with the long distance between us (2 hours), the death of my grandfather, hormonal changes..and him being depressed and lonely. He told me he needed a "break", but would call soon. That was 2.5 months ago. I found out that he had a "girlfriend" 4 DAYS after we broke up. By the way, she is 19, and he is 31. Ouch. So about a month ago, he found out that I was at this bar, and he came up there. He acted all figety, couldn't say hello, nothing. He acted totally weird. i was very nice, cool even...willing to talk. My friend asked him if he could be friends with me again, and he said not tonight. On halloween I texted him, that I still cared and was hoping we could talk soon. nothing.

 

So Saturday, once again, ended up at the same place he was at, again I started off totally nice and sweet, tried to talk to him, and again...nothing. Because his girlfriend can't get into the bar, she waited for him out in the parking lot..and he would run out there just as I was outside to hug and be all lovely dovey with her..right in front of me. He knows that I'm hurt, he knows that I still care about him...yet he still has no words for me. I had a few too many drinks, and confronted him...I said, are you ever going to talk to me? he said nothing...and then I said "Oh, thats right, I'm not 19..sorry." and ran away. A little zinger, but nothing too over the top.

 

So he texts my friend later that night and says that he doesn't think that she should bring me around "his" parts anymore, and that he really doesn't want to have anything to do with me. Ouch again. Then my friend informed me that he made a post on facebook, about me. Saying "Dear ex-girlfriends:you earned that "ex". get over it. I'm happy and completely in love with my girlfriend." was that REALLY necessary? I can't see his page because he has me blocked. I did send him a few texts that night after we got home, telling him how much hes hurt me, and why are you being this way, again no response. I'm donezo now.

 

I know now that I really actually do not even want to be friends with this guy, that he has TOTALLY changed for the worse, and isn't someone I'd ever want in my life. A part of me does feel bad that it ended SO bad between us after our great friendship. I didn't want things to be this way, and I've gone out of my way to be nice to him, and apologize for my wrongs, repeatedly. He has never apologized to me. I never wanted ill will between us. I just don't understand why he does. My real question is: Why is he acting like this? Still?

 

 

you've cleverly left out WHY either of you know where the other one is at, so that sounds like you planned it.

 

also you sent your friend to ask him if he will be friends with you? you're in a bar so you aren't 12, that's also a bit "crazy ex gf" action.

 

also you got in his face screaming jealously about his new gf being 19, which is none of your business, again, "crazy ex gf" action.

 

also your friend is obviously an enabler since she's throwing it in your face.

 

so...i'm sorry you're hurt, i really am, but it doesn't sound like he did anything to lead you on, it sounds like you were going out of your way to be in contact with him.

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JengleBells83

First off, the first time we had our encounter, he heard that I was at a bar he always went to, and HE came out. This past time, I knew he was at the bar ahead of time...my friend (who WAS also one of his best friends) wanted us to talk.

 

2nd, i didnt ever ask my friend to ask him if we would ever be able to be friends. She did that one on her own.

 

3rd, I didn't scream at him EVER. I got slightly tipsy..all I ever wanted was closure...he never gave it to me, and being slightly intoxicated, i point blank asked him if he was ever going to talk to me. And then threw in the little zing.

 

The bitter/ anger fueled facebook post he made about me was BS. If he was totally over me and it, why would he even bother?

 

I'm really not "crazy", just very hurt that I lost a VERY good friend, and boyfriend.

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oh i don't think you're crazy. i'm just a guy, and i'm telling you "as a guy" what you did. and now, crazy or not, he sees you as being crazy (most likely).

 

also if you're not on his fb, you'd not know what he said, plus he has you blocked, which again sounds like he's going out of his way to keep you out of his business, and also he doesn't reply to your texts.

 

unfortunately that means "take the hint".

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