bubbamackdaddy Posted December 27, 2003 Share Posted December 27, 2003 Hey everyone and thanks for reading.. A little history on my relationship. I had a girlfriend for 2 years and 8 months, we had our ups and downs but then she decided to end it back in August. She met someone 2 weeks later and up to a month ago when I last spoke to her she was still dating him. Anyways at first I was the one begging and pleading with her to take me back but all that did was push her further away, so after I stopped that after the first month,she was the one always contacting me about once or twice a week to go for coffee or lunch while she was still dating this new guy.Last month her new boyfriend gave her an ultimatum and it was to stop talking to me and seeing me or they would be "Over".. She told me this and I was hurt but I told her that I would make it easy for her and never speak to her again to make her new b/f happy. That was on Nov 20 and since then I did not contact her whatsoever and she didn't either. Last week I sent her an e-mail just to say Merry Xmas and all. She replied on Xmas eve saying what she has been up to etc... She was saying alot had changed in her life...That she moved back home which is about a 1 hour drive from our city and she bought a car etc..She said things are different but good. When I spoke to her a couple of months ago she said she was going to her new boyfriends parents place for XMAS that lived pretty far about a 15 hour drive away but in her e-mail she said she was at her parents house for xmas and will be there until Sunday. She called me this morning at my house and left me a message saying that she is at her parents house and that she got my e-mail.. What I'm confused about is that why is she contacting me if supposively she has moved on and now has a new boyfriend..(At least I think she is still with him).. In her message she told me to call her back at her parents house but the thing is Should I?? I mean I still love her and would love to get back with her but do not want to get hurt again and not sure If I would be able to trust her again as well.. And I'm not sure if she is still with her boyfriend? Should I call back? Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 27, 2003 Share Posted December 27, 2003 Well that seems like the no-contact rule worked here. And, you are 1 hour away and he's 15 hours away. I don't know...my suggestion would be to sweat it out a little longer. It was nice that you wished her a Merry Christmas and all but then look at suddenly what happened. I'd keep my distance for awhile yet because in reality its only been 2 months since you both split up. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbamackdaddy Posted December 27, 2003 Share Posted December 27, 2003 We lived together for 2 years then she moved out after we broke up 10 miles away. The other guy lives in our city and she's moving back to her parents house that live an hours drive away. Her boyfriend is originally from 15 hours away though.. As of now I think she still lives in my city until she moves back in with her parents for a bit.. I'm surprised she's moving back in with her parents since she's been out of there since she was 17.She's 24 now Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 28, 2003 Share Posted December 28, 2003 Sorry bubba. got the details wrong there. 24 is a little old to be moving back in to mom and dad's house. That might of made you smirk a little! I would wait if you are interested to see if she will call you back. Then maybe you could talk just briefly and still keep a distance. it's not a game, but it sure seems like it to me I'll tell ya' If you do talk and like it, try to wait at least a day or two before the next contact, IF POSSIBLE!! I know how it is. As soon as the door of contact cracks open, we all go charging in and then we have to back out again. Why start over? Plus, it will add a little mystery to your life as she sees it. She will also be a lot more "land-locked" at her parent's house even if they are cool parents. You know how it is with mom and dad! Keep in touch! Link to post Share on other sites
bubbamackdaddy Posted December 28, 2003 Share Posted December 28, 2003 Thanks for the reply.. Yeah I haven't called her backas of yet..I think if I do call her backit will be tommorow at the place she is still living. Not sure what to say though.. Honestly I'm not sure if she is with that new guy still...? How long do rebound relationships last anyways?She started dating him 2 weeks after our break up...Who knows maybe they are still together and happy?? That can happen just seems unlikely... Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 28, 2003 Share Posted December 28, 2003 Well...it might be too soon to call her but you might offer a "Hello, just wanted to say hi" and I heard you are back in town thing. You have got yourself wide-open here for heartbreak cause' she might just slam your "you-know-what" down to the ground. Personally I would wait until the after the move-in time. she's probably stressing with that anyway, why add you to the mix? Plus, she still has your number. Try to not keep running to her and see if she will at least try walking to you. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbamackdaddy Posted December 28, 2003 Share Posted December 28, 2003 Good idea man... I've been doing the no contact for months now and letting her to the contact..I don't wanna get hurt again.. I've been doing so good the past few months not contacting her..Not once in the past 2-3 months..Just once by e-mail last week to wish her merry xmas..She replied to the e-mail and then called me yesterday.. I'm in a weird situation as well.I've been dating this one girl for 2.5 months..She's really nice and all but I don't have that feeling for her like she has for me.. I still think of my ex when I'm with her.. I should let her know that I don't want anything serious soon... Link to post Share on other sites
bubbamackdaddy Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 My previous post.. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t30449/ Well I called her tonight on her cell phone and left her a message and she called back within 5 minutes.. Well all the hope that I kind of had of getting back with her went to the can.. We went out for nearly 3 years and broke up 4.5 months ago.She started dating someone about 2 weeks later.. Anyways we had just some small talk and she seemed very distant. She asked how my parents were and stuff and asked me if I had a girlfriend yet..I said no.. I asked her how things were with her new boyfriend and she didn't hesitate and said "Great !" She said she was moving back to her parents place for a bit because she was never at her place she was renting out.By that I gathered that she was basically living with her new boyfriends now..That kind of hurt knowing that..but oh well.. She said she bought a new car and that she is able now to stop by my place sometime soon to pick up the rest of her stuff, which isn't much anyways.. We only talked for about 5 mins and I was trying to sound as happy as I can be just for the sake of sounding OK with things. Anyways I don't know if I need any advice or anything but just wanted to vent.. Should I try to keep up the no contact thing to try and win her back sometime in the future or should I just face the facts that maybe she doesn't want me ever again. I mean she sounded so happy with her life and happy with her new boyfriend, even though it was so soon after we broke up, that I still think it is a rebound relationship..By what do I know anyways? Any advice would be appreciated.. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 Yes, please spare the poor girl of pain and either let her you don't want to be serious or break up with her until you are ready. You really are not ready to be dating anyone new - and obviously you are not even into her. Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 Hey bubba, Sarah12 is totally right on that call. you can't do the "have my cake and eat it too" you probably should: 1. forget about the old and concentrate on the new or, 2. forget about the new and concentrate on the old (relationships) I can tell you firsthand that trying to maintain a relationship while you are exploring an old one is not good. Right now I finally am single after a detailed struggle of emotion and let me tell you it feels pretty good. If you can do that it would really help you. for me it's not like I don't want a SO but, for probably one of the first times, I'm not frantic about it, I don't care how or when, and...I know I WILL meet someone someday! It is really hard to "air-out" relationship-wise but if you can you will be a better person for it!! Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 I would think if she was over the 'boyfriend' and 'wanted to try again with you' she would have either said so or hinted as much. Just because it's hard to let go of someone in your past.....especially around the holidays....does not mean you want a RE-DO! It simply means you remember your past time together during the season and wanted to say "Hi!". I would suggest continuing moving along........... ........such hard advice coming from a complete romantic...... Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 Well bubba, For right now anyway I think it's over. period. Don't let yourself and your self-esteem get tramped now. If you grovel, beg, plead, cry, or whine in front of her that would be the absolute worst thing to do. You got the info that you needed, so you just need to use it. I know that sounds harsh and all, but believe me, "been there-done that". If you don't just "dump" you will embarass yourself and really feel foolish after the pain is gone. Sorry to hear it. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbamackdaddy Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 Thanks for the replies.. I understand what you all mean. I've gotta let go..The thing is I was doind so well for a couple of months because I didn't contact her.But contactingher brought back those old feelings again. I should just live my life and if she does ever come back to me later on , I'll have to just figure it out then..Maybe then I wouldn't even want her back... Link to post Share on other sites
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