babyygirllhi Posted October 29, 2011 Share Posted October 29, 2011 My ex bf broke up with me 5 months ago...its been about 2.5 months since we last saw eachother (and it was amazing, to say the least). The whole thing is just being dragggged on and its killing me. He broke up after 1 year together because he wants to be alone in this part of his life. He is almost 23 and im 24. He said he is still in love with me and is pushing me away bc he needs to be alone, to start his own online company so he can make money to fulfill his dreams of traveling and being free etc. He broke my heart and i was dead ... he knows this. I did everything to keep him in my life but nothing worked. I moved about 1 month after him breaking up (not bc of him, we were suppose to move together) but throughout this time apart we have had like, all night several hour conversations, talked on phone for hours a few times, exchanged tons of messages on facebook, etc. One night he sent me this long email, explaining our year together. he told me he is so disconnected from his feelings, that he wish he would have felt better while we were together so he could have told me how beautiful i am every day, talked about our times together, said he still sees us together in the futre and thinks of me daily, that he loves me. he wrote this long sweet amazing letter about how he wished he could have been a better bf but was so insecure himself and not ready.. how he has a problem etc... then he said he is done lying, hates himself every day for it, and told me that after we broke up he had sex with 2 other girls before seeing me again ... (he told me he hadnt slept with anyone and i believed him). He said he didnt expect us to see eachother again, that he was just trying to get over me, and couldnt tell me because he didnt want to hurt me. he was crying and appologizing later etc. said i deserve so much better... then i lost it and said i never want to talk to him again. It hurt so bad. anyways, somehow we ended up talking again 2 days after. we got on skype, hadnt seen eachother for months, and he acted like we were together. called me my nickname, said im the most beautiful thing in the world, said he loves me, misses me, im amazing, talked about our baby (we had already come up with a name if we had a baby together) etc. He was even talking about us getting back together...then the next day wrote "i cant do it, we cant talk anymore because its too hard..". but then we kept talking anyway.. and it just kills me. He cant have me on facebook bc he says its too hard. says its too hard to talk. its just really fcked up to say the least (sorry..). and i know im doing this to myself, but he leads me on and then puts on this whole "i have problems, im going to a pyschologist, ur amazing and dont deserve this, i am in love with u still but have to be alone and im so afraid of hurting u ..." all i can say is we were crazy in love, best friends, just wow. but he has this emotional disconnection and he knows it. he has a very hard time expressing his feelings or understanding them and he knows that and is working on it now ... but i get so angry at myself after talking and not telling him off. its like i cant bc i feel sorry for him and as crazy as i sound, i am just so in love. which is ridiculus bc he treats me so bad. He is just using me isnt he? he is only thnking of himself? Using me as a crutch? he said he has had sex with 2 girls after me(like total of 4 since we broke up) which is just strange bc he isnt the type to sleep around. then he said on skype like "it doesnt feel good, it feels better to ride my motorcycle so i dont know why i do it...with you its so different, i want to cum inside u..." hes just crazy isnt he?! HELP!!! Do I tell him off, say he is so selfish etc to think he can drop me and just have me when he wants... or do i stop from this day forward and just ignore him? this is just eccentric and the more i type the more crazy i realize this situation is but when he breaks up with me and says he is still in love, cant handle thinking of me being with anyone etc adn says he is pushing me away bc he knows he has to fix himself...its like ugggh Link to post Share on other sites
Author babyygirllhi Posted October 29, 2011 Author Share Posted October 29, 2011 I think what it essentially is he is extremely independent. He cant have anyone else tell him things, he doesnt trust anyones answers , he has to look stuff up on his own and do everything on his time. I remember this from being together. I don't think that will ever change Link to post Share on other sites
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