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How many chances can you give?


thatconfusedgirl

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thatconfusedgirl

My boyfriend and I were together a year and a half, for the last 4 months we were living together for a few weeks we were getting a bit restless and unsure of everything, he kissed another girl and I took it as a big sign we weren't working out. But after consideration I gave him another chance, I had moved back in with my folks, and we were seeing each other every weekend, however we both seemed to be a bit miserable, and not able to pick each other up, but were enjoying the a company, I thought about us for a while, and decided that we weren't going to work out and decided to break up again, leaving him hopelessly heart broken.

 

The Cons:

The reasons I broke up with him are..

He didn't really understand me, and was never able to read my body language.

He is much slower mentally than I am, and every time I tried to discuss an issue he would say he can't respond that fast and needed time to think, but he never would get around to it.

He held back too much, often not relaxing around me and expressing himself, out of fear of my reaction eg: getting upset, overreacting, misunderstanding.

I lost a lot of sexual interest in him, but I think they may have stemmed from all our problems.

He often criticised my lifestyle choices, saying things like cigarettes are disgusting, and always pressuring me to quit and join him in exercise, thus making me feel guilty about the life I choose to live.

 

 

The Pros:

The reasons I want to be with him are...

He is a really genuinely a nice person.

He makes me laugh.

He makes me feel needed.

I don't want to have to go through dating again.

We made great plans together, travel, build a house etc. and these plans make me more excited than anything else.

I care for him immensely and he does for me.

 

I recieved a phonecall from him 2 nights ago, the first phone call since the break up, he spoke to like he never had before, confident, honest, unguarded. He said he knows not that it was stupid of him to give me a hard time about my lifestyle choices and that he would hate it if someone were pressuring him to do something he didn't want to, he says he knows now how to make me happy, and if I'd just give him one more chance he'll show that too me.

 

I had made a promise to myself that once I made this decision I couldn't take him back, it wasn't fair on anyone to keep all this hurt going.

 

I went out with a guy I had a crush on for the last seven years, someone I saw perhaps once a year, but timing was never right, we were never single at the same time, but now we were. I went to his place and he kissed me, I was so turned off him and didn't find him attractive at all, just wanted to get out of there. All the way home I was thinking how easy it all is with my last boyfriend.

 

What should I do? I want to see if things will be better, but I fear if I take him back, he'll be so scared of losing me again that he won't want to say or do anything incase it's the "wrong" thing to do.

 

I miss him and I love him, but I don't want to hurt him over and over again.

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I want to see if things will be better, but I fear if I take him back, he'll be so scared of losing me again that he won't want to say or do anything incase it's the "wrong" thing to do.

 

Its over because of what you said right here. If you go back to the relationship, this will happen. At this point its emotional abuse. You know this will happen and to allow it to happen is selfish because you miss him and love him.

 

That resentment will always sit there, you could always try counseling but you know deep down inside that what I quoted is true

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