Did she have an affair with her boss

[Leon38]

Hello

 

THE FOLLOWING STORY IS WHAT MY WIFE POSTED ON SOME BLOG, THERE ARE A FEW MISSING IMPORTANT DETAILS, WHICH, I WILL INCLUDE AT THE END !!!

 

My name is Lora, I am 37 years old and I married my husband when I was 18 years old. My husband was 19 at the time and we have children. My husband feels that I am an abusive partner. He feels this way because he cannot hold up a conversation with me and when he does, should I disagree with him, I shout loudly for everyone to hear, I scream and use vulgar language.

As I am writing this story my husband is sitting next to me, pointing out what I should say. When I am not saying what he wants, which is most probably the truth, he is telling me that I am a compulsive liar, I am also to my husband a pathological liar and a verbal abuser.

I am not denying that, when communicating with my husband, I do go over the handle, I do scream, shout, get violent and hurt myself in the process. My reason for doing this is, I feel that whenever my husband accuses me of something which I know is not true, it makes me crazy. By my actions and behaviour my husband is more and more convinced that I am lying and not telling all the truth. My husband usually remains very calm, whilst I am throwing my toys out of the cot and behaving like a deranged lunatic. Recently my husband has accused me of having an affair with my boss. My husband has suspected something for three years and would ask me about this from time to time.

I would always lie that there was nothing, but my boss at the beginning was being overly friendly and offered me a lift to work. I rejected his offer but felt and suspected that my boss wanted more than being just colleagues since I would always refuse his offer of transport. I immediately reported the incident, a meeting was held between my self, my boss and senior officials. My boss also would make unnecessary conversations with me of which I would always show no interest. My boss would usually leave for a while but return with the same irritating way of making another conversation at another time. Until one day he said that if I did not take his offer of transport I should not be late to work.

I found this to be inappropriate since I feel that I do not need a man to save me or help me with anything. I feel that I am quite capable of taking care of myself. Besides, i felt that my boss was using his position to make me do something I do not want to do and put me in a compromising position. This I felt was inappropriate since I felt that my boss may have feelings for me and wanted to have an affair with me. This was when I first started working there.

I did not tell my husband about any of this, whenever he asked, I would lie and say that there was nothing ever going on or went on. My husband always suspected an affair and I would always go off the handle and verbally abuse him. Three weeks ago my husband sent me clippings of infidelity. This set me off that I was on the street walking like a mad woman, leaving home for good, upset and angry. I eventually came home after my husband persuaded me to. When I got home and started talking, I decided to tell him about what happened three years ago between my boss and myself because I was frustrated that he always would accuse me of an affair when there was no affair.

I told my husband that despite the fact that my boss irritated me, disgusted me, I hated my boss with a vengeance, couldn't stand the sight of my boss and my boss's presence made me very uncomfortable. Despite this, and because of the incident at the beginning, I knew that my boss had feelings for me. I told my husband that my boss's feelings were his problem, I said that I knew that my boss appreciated me and knew the way he thought and felt while my boss sat in his office. I said to my husband that I knew that my boss found me to be a sexually attractive woman. I said that I know that I am a beautiful attractive woman, if my boss wanted to sit and drool about me that was my boss's problem. I said to my husband that this made me feel good. This gave me an ego boost and got my thrills from it. I said to my husband that because I knew how my boss felt for me I could do whatever I wanted and I controlled that office and was the boss. I also told my husband that when I said jump, my boss would. My husband asked me about the woman that worked there, did I not feel appreciated by them. I said no I did not feel the same about the woman because they were woman and my boss was a male.

My husband cannot understand that I was disgusted by my boss, disliked and hated the man and also feel all the above feelings.

My husband feels that this is a contradiction, there is more to the story and this does not add up cause one cannot feel anything from someone that one is disgusted by.

I am constantly asked about this and I always say the same thing to my husband because what I am saying to my husband is the truth. I become frustrated because I feel constantly accused and whenever my husband accuses me of anything that I know is untrue I go off the handle. I then scream on top of my voice at my husband out of frustration and anger, I use vulgar language not considering my children or the neighbors, I hurt myself and at that time I become violent, I take whatever I find , cords, knives to harm myself and also sometimes try to harm my husband and threaten him to stay away from me. Why do I feel I get into this state? I feel that the more I explain, the more I tell the truth, my husband does not believe me. I get frustrated, like I am being interrogated, pushed in a corner. I feel that my husband disbelieves anything I say and it frustrates me that if he disbelieves everything, thinks I am a liar, why then should he waste my time and his asking me for answers which he will disbelieve in anyway. The most frustrating thing about all this, is when I know I'm telling the truth and he is disbelieving me, I'm screaming and shouting and the damn man sits so calmly, I feel like I am a mad person. I feel that my husband is trying to push me over the edge. I feel like he is so convinced that I am all bad, he always points all my shortfalls and I feel like whatever I do is unimportant. My opinion is not important, my feelings too. I hate being accused wrongfully about anything and whenever my husband accuses me, he talks as though he is right about his accusations when I know he is not and I display terrible behaviour which makes me look guilty. I feel that my husband enjoys seeing me go crazy although he displays hurt about my behaviour. He is usually shocked at my behaviour. Please advise me whether I am a verbal abuser or what ????

 

SHE FORGOT TO MENTION, THAT IN THE BEGINNING WHEN SHE STARTED TO WORK THERE. HER BOSS TRIED AFTER HER FIRST MONTH OF WORKING THERE TO BEFRIEND HER. SHE SAYS SHE GAVE HIM THE COLD SHOULDER AND SHE HATED HIM, HE DISGUSTED HER, JUST THE SIGHT OF HIM WAS TOO MUCH. IN ANY CASE, HE PURSEUED HER FOR THE NEXT THREE MONTHS, FORCING HER AND ALWAYS ASKING HER TO TRAVEL WITH HIM TO AND FROM WORK, SHE SAID SHE REFUSE AND TOLD HIM BECAUSE OF HER INDIAN CULTURE AND HER MORALS, SHE WOULD NOT TRAVEL WITH ANOTHER MAN AND THAT SHOULD NOT BE RIGHT FOR AN EMPLOYEE TO TRAVEL WITH HER BOSS WHO IS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX.

 

HE DID NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER AND ALWAYS CAME BACK TO MAKE THE SAME OFFER, TILL HE EVENTUALLY TOLD HER, THAT IF SHE DID NOT TAKE HIS LIFT IN THE MORNING AND AFTERNOON, SHE SHOULD MAKE SURE NEVER TO BE LATE FOR WORK AGAIN..THAT WAS TOWARDS THE END OF 4 MONTHS THAT SHE WORKED THERE, SHE THEN REPORTED IT TO A SUPERIOR OFFICIAL AND THEY HAD A MEETING BETWEEN THE 3 OF THEM..

 

MY QUESTION IS, WHY WOULD A MAN THINK, THAT MY WIFE IS HIS PROPERTY AND CAN FORCEFULLY MAKE THAT DEMAND ON HER, WHAT MADE HIM SO COMFORTABLE IF SHE WAS GIVING HIM THE COLD SHOULDER TO INISIST REPEATEDLY ON THAT ??? WHAT WAS HER TRUE PART IN THIS, SHE KEPT THIS ALL A SECERET FROM ME UNTIL ABOUT 4 WEEKS AGO, AFTER I SENT HER MAIL ON INFEDILTY AND SHE LEFT HER WORK DURING HER LUNCH BREAK AND WAS HEADING OUT OF TOWN, ANGRY THAT I WAS ACCUSING HER, BUT THE SAME NIGHT TOLD ME THE STORY. WHAT SIGNALS OR FLIRTING DID SHE DO ??? THAT GAVE HIM A GREEN LIGHT TO BE CONSTANTLY ONLY BEHIND HER AT WORK, HER OTHER COLLEAGUES ACKNOWLEDGE HIS BEHAVIOUR AND HOW HE SO MUCH TRIED TO WOO HER...CAUSE I PHONED THEM.. WHAT DID THEY DO BEHIND CLOSE DOORS ??? WAS IT AN AFFAIR THAT WAS GETTING TOO HOT TO HANDLE AND SHE REPORTED HIM ????

 

I BELIEVE SHE TOLD ME A HALF TRUTH AND NOT THE WHOLE TRUTH, SHE STILL INSISTS THAT SHE HATES THAT MAN WITH ALL HER HEART AND NOTHING HAPPENED, OVER THE 3 YEARS THAT I SUSPECTED AN AFFAIR, I ASKED HER MANY TIMES ABOUT HER BOSS AND HERSELF, SHE SWORE OATHS ON ME AND MY KIDS AND THE BIBLE. THAT MAN NEVER CAME ANY WHERE NEAR HER AND THAT HE NEVER MADE ANY ADVANCES TOWARDS HER.

 

NOW WHAT DO I BELIEVE ?????? WHAT IS THE TRUTH, SHE STILL SHOWS NO REMORSE AND SAYS, THAT SHE IS NOT GUILTY OF AN AFFAIR BUT OF ONLY LYING TO ME ....

 

WE ARE HAVING PROBLEMS, MY HOME IS NOW A MESS BECAUSE OF THIS, AFTER 19 YEARS OF MARRIAGE, I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS, IT EVEN AFFECTS MY KIDS NOW..

[TheDovic]

Wow, you have serious issues guys and you're both abusive in your own ways. To the wife, you have admitted to being verbally and maybe even physically abusive, which can kill any relationship.

 

To the husband, you don't trust her and I don't really think she's given you much reason not to. Constantly accusing her and telling her what to do is emotional abuse and is going to drive a wedge into your relationship. You need help with your jealousy, and accept that beautiful women are always going to attract attention. Maybe your wife didn't tell you the full story because she knew you'd react like this!

 

I think the people on this forum can help to an extent but if you want to save your marriage (or at least prevent the rest of your lives from being miserable) the wife (sorry I forgot your name) needs to do some work on venting anger in a productive manner, whilst the husband needs to acknowledge his trust issues!

 

I think you need to go to couples therapy or your marriage could be in big trouble!

[Mack05]

I am with Dovic. Where is the trust and faith in your wife?. You know with your constant questioning you are going to drive her away and potentially into his arms. Her communication skills are atrocious. I would recommend you both buying the book "Why can't you read my mind". I would also go to couples therapy..

[geegirl]

I think most of your issues are self-inflicted. All speculation at best based on insecurity and fear.

 

Your wife is posting on a blog that she has no idea you have access to. Why would she lie? If anything, she'd be pouring her heart out to strangers. The fact that she is on there giving strangers the same story she is giving you, doesn't that say something?

 

You're driving her away with all your accusations. Granted her reactions are way off, but I can see your constant badgering driving her absolutely insane to the brink of utter frustration. No matter how much she tries to convince you, you don't believe her so what is you reasoning for dragging it through the mud over and over again.

 

Either you buck up and accept that she is telling the truth or you do something about it instead of beating it to death. Because you can question her 20 different ways, and you will get the same answer, blog or not.

 

Go to couples counselling so that you can have a neutral mediator help you both figure out why you're both clawing at each other. You with the constant accusations and your wife getting to the point of hurting herself.

[TheDovic]

I think most of your issues are self-inflicted. All speculation at best based on insecurity and fear.

 

Your wife is posting on a blog that she has no idea you have access to. Why would she lie? If anything, she'd be pouring her heart out to strangers. The fact that she is on there giving strangers the same story she is giving you, doesn't that say something?

 

You're driving her away with all your accusations. Granted her reactions are way off, but I can see your constant badgering driving her absolutely insane to the brink of utter frustration. No matter how much she tries to convince you, you don't believe her so what is you reasoning for dragging it through the mud over and over again.

 

Either you buck up and accept that she is telling the truth or you do something about it instead of beating it to death. Because you can question her 20 different ways, and you will get the same answer, blog or not.

 

Go to couples counselling so that you can have a neutral mediator help you both figure out why you're both clawing at each other. You with the constant accusations and your wife getting to the point of hurting herself.

 

Well put!!!

[Leon38]

Just clear up something, when she posted on the blog we were sititng together, I helped her, so it is not a secret to have checked out what she wrote, I have access to that as we both created the the account. We read the replies together. She knows about the account totally and has no objections that we get many opions as possible.

 

As for the accusation of constant badgering her or accusing her, it has only been for the past 4 weeks after she told me of the secret she hid. Before that, you can actually count the times in the 3years, maybe about 4 times that I asked her implying she was having an affair and that was because of tell tale signs and her behaviour at home..

[lalalandman]

I'm never getting married

[TheDovic]

Just clear up something, when she posted on the blog we were sititng together, I helped her, so it is not a secret to have checked out what she wrote, I have access to that as we both created the the account. We read the replies together. She knows about the account totally and has no objections that we get many opions as possible.

 

As for the accusation of constant badgering her or accusing her, it has only been for the past 4 weeks after she told me of the secret she hid. Before that, you can actually count the times in the 3years, maybe about 4 times that I asked her implying she was having an affair and that was because of tell tale signs and her behaviour at home..

 

Hey Leon,

 

Can I ask what were the telltale signs?

[EgoJoe]

i'm never getting married

 

 

dun dun dun dunnnn!

[lalalandman]

LOL shuttup!

[Leon38]

When my wife first started working there, she was excited at the thrill of getting back into a government office. In the first month, she came home with many work stories daily about the people that work there. Never about her boss, she would mention him in passing.

As the next 3 months went on, she started behaving out of character, I have known my wife from the time she was 14 years old and I was 15. We met in school.

We have had the perfect marriage, we never fought ever !!! Sometimes an argument and we always made sure before going to bed, that the argument was put to rest. The next day, we never even spoke about it and we our normal selves.

 

So, back to my point, she started behaving out of character, moody irritable and some times gaze off, she would be here but not really here.

When she realises that I notice something is wrong, she switches her mood like a light switch and becomes jovial and plays withthe kids and make her self busy.

In anycase, I knew something was wrong, cause I could see it in her eyes and behaviour. But always shrugged it off as , she is stressed out etc..

Because of her work enviroment.

The funny thing, is when ever she called me or I called her, she had this excitement in her voice, when she was at work and she wanted to be my best friend on the phone. But at home, I never saw the same person.

 

So, time went on until, she started getting more and more moody and getting ill often but would still make sure she would go to work, sometimes depression etc..all the signs were showing at home, she had no interest in the home or in the family, she would take no pride in the home , like I always knew her to be.

If there are curtains, dishes, clothing, cutlery , bedding and all the things that makes a home to be nice, I would be the one that would buy it, she had no interest and still doesn't

 

Time went on and a few times, I asked her if anything was going on because she has changed, she would always lie and say that her boss, he never ever tried even once to have an affair with her or flirt with her.

I had a gut instinct and had no proof, so I would accept her oaths and move on.

 

She would always first start with belittling me for the neighbours to hear and in front of the kids, verball abusing me degrading me in the worst possible ways, really shouting etc, even if I asked just a small question that had no relevance to her and her boss, she would make her own assumption and go off like a speeding bullet.

 

These are all the kind of things that I have seen, it only got worse, until today it is just as bad...she left the house this morning saying, she won't be at work..it is over..cause we had a 10 am appointment with a counsellor and I can't make it to go, I have the worst kind of flu and a fever, need to be in bed, just waiting for my son to come home with medication..

 

It has been the worst 5 months, of recent, sex has changed, too, even when we have been having these discussions over the 4 weeks, she would get frisky with me, while having an utermost important conversation, saying she can't keep her hands off me, of recent it has been like that. She never ever behaved liked that in 19 years of marriage. She tries to smooth things over after all her theatrics..Then when the subject comes up again, she becomes stubborn, has this cold dead look in her eyes, like you don't want to leave this story alone, and move on, stop digging...I am never going to tell you the truth..

 

Besides over the past few months or in this year, there is a difference in sex, when ever we did have it, she is very intense and some variations, things, that I noticed, that were never there in 19 years, and she boils it all down to making her man to stay happy ...and not to ever wander.Finding new ways to please her man..

 

THERE ARE MANY MANY MORE SIGNS AN INCIDENTS THAT HAPPENED..

 

THE BEST WAY I CAN PUT IT, WHEN YOU HAVE BEEN WITH SOMEONE FOR SO LONG, LOOK AT THEIR EYES , IT NEVER LIES, EVEN IF THE WORDS COME OUT DIFFERENTLY...

 

 

Now we are at the point this morning, she sees how unwell I am and won't make that appointment, she doesn't want to hear anything and is going staright for a divorce filing today..

 

GOOD LUCK TO HER !!!!

 

I AM TIRED !!!

Edited October 11, 2011 by Leon38
SPELLING ERRORS