cmontague1 Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 hello, I'm not sure if this is in the right section if so i do apologise. i will just go straight into it, i recently broke up with my girlfriend who changed on me over night from being very happy, and now has gone back to her previous boyfriend who before me had treated her well awful messing with her mind, making her life horrible she was so unhappy and she has admitted that she does not feel comfortable around him or safe at all and she said he was so happy with me and i honestly don't know what iv done to push her back to that way of life she seems to think he has changed but any normal person would never go back to that... so i was wondering if its just an infatuation or something else I'm very confused on the subject any help would be very appreciated, I'm am very sorry if this doesn't make total sense! Link to post Share on other sites
immitable Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 sorry to say but your post is a perfect example that ex to go back to their exes and that second chances do happen. Did she break up with him or he with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cmontague1 Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 well they had got together, but he was messing with other girls and she found out and ended it Link to post Share on other sites
immitable Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 They were together for how long? How much time had passed before she started dating you? How long were you together? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cmontague1 Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 they were only together for a matter of days. He had been playing other girls whilst her... about 8 months but they had still been talking and her was treating her awfully the whole time then i came along and treated her 'nicely' and she started to let go to her then we had got together then he started being 'nice' to her and messing with her mind further then in the end she broke up with me to protect me as she says.. well we was talking for about 7 months getting close and to get to know each other , then the time together was only about 3 months so in total 10months in all soon as we got together he was trying to worm his way back in, Link to post Share on other sites
immitable Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 him trying to worm his way back in is true but she probably left that door open for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cmontague1 Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 i know, exactly in fairness i just want her to be happy, but i know how much he has messed her around in the past and messed her life up and iv picked up all the pieces and now she's open for it all again, I'm not sure if i should stay and shadow her or just carry on not talking to her and hope she wakes up..... Link to post Share on other sites
TheDovic Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 You're probably right, it might be infatuation... but that's the same as most of us on this site, we're infatuated with our ex's (even if the relationship wasn't great!). I bought a book called "I can mend your broken heart" by Paul McKenna. It teaches you NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) techniques to stop feeling so bad after a break up and has a hypnosis cd to speed up this process. I kinda skimmed through it first time but am really giving it a go as of yesterday so maybe it'll help me. It has unreal reviews on Amazon so maybe it can help with our unhealthy infatuations!!! Link to post Share on other sites
TheDovic Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Sorry I misread your post, I thought you were asking were you infatuated! Eh, it could be infatuation on your ex's part but it's difficult to tell. Seems a real common trend on this site to hear about people wanting to be with abusive ex's. Maybe it's the whole bad boy thing!!! Seems to be very attractive to a lot of people Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 i know, exactly in fairness i just want her to be happy, but i know how much he has messed her around in the past and messed her life up and iv picked up all the pieces and now she's open for it all again, I'm not sure if i should stay and shadow her or just carry on not talking to her and hope she wakes up..... It's not your responsibility to protect her. Kudos for caring but if she has feelings for him and wants to explore that, it will not end well for you if you try to hold on. She has to learn on her own and if she can do that while knowing you are there, she won't fully experience/see how bad her relationship with him really is. Besides, you might get lucky and find someone in the meantime who fully wants to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
k100danny Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 I wouldnt feel bad if i were you. im not sure if it was infatuation with her and her ex, usually infatuation in my opinion fades and if she found someone else such as you this would have gone away but it didnt. maybe you just did not meet her needs, and i dont mean being nice to her ect. everyone has different needs and you see lots of people stay in bad relationships or that is how we view them as bad. it could be codependant depending on his and her attachment style. it's really too hard to say but i wouldnt beat yourself up thinking you did something wrong, if youve done it then 90% of the time its because you believe you are doing the right thing so find someone who needs what you have to give and you two will be a great match. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t299341/ Maybe some of the replies on the above link can help you. Your stories sound similar in terms of women going back to bad situations. I'm sorry you are hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
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