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To those who got dumped for an ex.


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

 
 
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Old 19th September 2011, 9:10 AM   #1
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To those who got dumped for an ex.

Hello again.

I've heard that when a guy/girl has broken up with someone they seek out someone who is opposite of their ex. so in the new relationship they won't be reminded of him/her (the ex?)

To all who know my story I was dumped recently I was her rebound guy,, her emotional bandaid to ease her breakup pain Now she's back with him.

As I think about the things she told me about him when we were together,,,, he did'nt do this for me,, he did'nt do that for me,he was cold and distant,, your not,, he never took me to the movies, etc. etc. and you (me) do all of those things.

Anyone else experience that??

Comments??

Last edited by mike588; 19th September 2011 at 9:14 AM..
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Old 19th September 2011, 11:15 AM   #2
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I actually did this.

I dated the kindest, sweetest, most wonderful guy and I left him for my selfish, immature, inconsiderate, cold, distant ex.

Why? Because I was, am, crazy in love with the idea of the person my ex used to be.

I deeply regret getting romantically involved with the wonderful guy - because I know it hurt him when I left.

But also, even though this guy was amazing - He wasn't right for me romantically. He's truly lovely - but I didn't see a future for us. There wasn't the intense passion - the electricity - that there was between me and my ex.

Ultimately it came down to this: While my head told me to continue dating this lovely person - My heart couldn't give up on my ex.

I guess I was just too emotionally invested in him.

I'm truly ashamed of myself for hurting the other guy - he really didn't deserve it at all. He was so kind to me.

I just couldn't give up on my ex - i'm addicted to him. Or, I was. Right now is withdrawal. Wish I could buy a 'boyfriend patch' or 'boyfriend gum' to help things along!

If a girl leaves you for an ex - it is genuinely NO reflection of you as a person. You could be the best boyfriend in the world - but if her heart is still invested in her ex, then he will win everytime.

But you know what? They broke up once - and they will probably break up again.

I may have left the sweetest guy for my ex - but it didn't work out for me. Probably because my idea of my ex was entirely different to the reality.

Don't let this experience make you hold back from investing the same effort into future relationships.

This girl wasn't in a place where she could appreciate you for who you truly are.

But a lot of other girls will.

I'm so sorry you got hurt. But the truth is, that girl doesn't deserve you anyway.
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Old 19th September 2011, 11:26 AM   #3
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How long did you date the nice guy? Did you ever feel any love for him?

When you said they broke up once they probably will breakup again, actually they broke up twice before.
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Old 19th September 2011, 11:31 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by mike588 View Post
How long did you date the nice guy? Did you ever feel any love for him?

When you said they broke up once they probably will breakup again, actually they broke up twice before.
Mike you need to stop torturing yourself. It doesn't do you any good
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Old 19th September 2011, 11:38 AM   #5
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Mike you need to stop torturing yourself. It doesn't do you any good
Yea I know. I really am healing and working my way thru this. I'm glad I don't cry about it everyday like I did. I'm able to sleep 8 hrs, I can eat, I can focus better.

I guess I'm just trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together,, curiosity?why it happened so I wont do it again. I'm really not hoping she will come back cause I know she isn't,,, shes happy now and finally got what she wanted.
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Old 19th September 2011, 11:49 AM   #6
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Wow SugarLily I can sooo imagine feeling your story. My a$$wipe of an ex is with his ex. I can see me getting involved with someone who treats me amazing but if a$$wipe came around again, that intensity I feel for him would have me second-guessing and I would have to really use my head to make the right decision. Anyone I "date" right now I'm telling them upfront I'm not ready for a relationship until some time has passed but I just wanted to say I can imagine going through that. A$$wipe has a big ego and a chick that dotes on him so I don't forsee that happening (And I don't think he is an a$$wipe as a person, just how he bailed out of our relationship so I'll just call him that for now).

I've only gotten back together with one ex and I don't remember it ever being the same (there was not even a "honeymoon period") so we broke up a few months later. But I know sometimes they do get back together and it can work.
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Old 19th September 2011, 12:37 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by mike588 View Post
Yea I know. I really am healing and working my way thru this. I'm glad I don't cry about it everyday like I did. I'm able to sleep 8 hrs, I can eat, I can focus better.

I guess I'm just trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together,, curiosity?why it happened so I wont do it again. I'm really not hoping she will come back cause I know she isn't,,, shes happy now and finally got what she wanted.
Heres what you need to know - to avoid. If youre dating someone , and they are talking about their ex at all, then you need to end it. Rebounds are pretty easy to spot.

Remember, she dated you to get over her ex, she didnt date you because of who you are. She was happy that you were different, but she wasnt over him, so it didnt help. That means if she was level headed, she wouldnt be attracted to you, even if she broke it off with her ex again. if you knew how to avoid a rebound, you wouldnt have gotten emotionally attached to her.
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Old 19th September 2011, 12:46 PM   #8
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Yea I know. I really am healing and working my way thru this. I'm glad I don't cry about it everyday like I did. I'm able to sleep 8 hrs, I can eat, I can focus better.

I guess I'm just trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together,, curiosity?why it happened so I wont do it again. I'm really not hoping she will come back cause I know she isn't,,, shes happy now and finally got what she wanted.
Lucky you, you got off easy, if you can sleep 8 hours a day. Go out and do other things man besides read this board. You arent healing if you are sitting here and pining over this over and over again.

I havent slept more then 4.5 hours straight in 5 months now even with pills, therapy, etc. Ive started mindfullness so we will see how that goes.
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Old 19th September 2011, 12:55 PM   #9
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Keep on healing, some days are hard, I thought I was over everything on Saturday, then Sunday saw my parents, we talked about it and was down again. Today I'm just sorta angry about the situation.

Sometimes you just have to look past everything, some people have it a lot worse in life then loosing a loved one. You should be thankful for everything you have and look forward to being happy.

I got dumped for one of her "friends" that is a dbag and has infections downtown, hard as ***** to swallow, but you know what, I look at the other side of things and tell myself, wow she's really missing out on a great person that loved her and would of done anything for her instead of using her.

As hard as it is, I keep pushing forward and some day someone will take the time to learn to love me instead of concentrating on everything they want, a relationship is 2 as 1.
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Old 19th September 2011, 1:20 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by SugarLily View Post
I actually did this.

I dated the kindest, sweetest, most wonderful guy and I left him for my selfish, immature, inconsiderate, cold, distant ex.

Why? Because I was, am, crazy in love with the idea of the person my ex used to be.

I deeply regret getting romantically involved with the wonderful guy - because I know it hurt him when I left.

But also, even though this guy was amazing - He wasn't right for me romantically. He's truly lovely - but I didn't see a future for us. There wasn't the intense passion - the electricity - that there was between me and my ex.

Ultimately it came down to this: While my head told me to continue dating this lovely person - My heart couldn't give up on my ex.

I guess I was just too emotionally invested in him.

I'm truly ashamed of myself for hurting the other guy - he really didn't deserve it at all. He was so kind to me.

I just couldn't give up on my ex - i'm addicted to him. Or, I was. Right now is withdrawal. Wish I could buy a 'boyfriend patch' or 'boyfriend gum' to help things along!

If a girl leaves you for an ex - it is genuinely NO reflection of you as a person. You could be the best boyfriend in the world - but if her heart is still invested in her ex, then he will win everytime.

But you know what? They broke up once - and they will probably break up again.

I may have left the sweetest guy for my ex - but it didn't work out for me. Probably because my idea of my ex was entirely different to the reality.

Don't let this experience make you hold back from investing the same effort into future relationships.

This girl wasn't in a place where she could appreciate you for who you truly are.

But a lot of other girls will.

I'm so sorry you got hurt. But the truth is, that girl doesn't deserve you anyway.
I'm trying to understand this post as this has happened to me before.

Why would you get so involved with a nice guy if you still have feelings for your ex? Isn't that selfish?
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Old 19th September 2011, 1:26 PM   #11
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Heres what you need to know - to avoid. If youre dating someone , and they are talking about their ex at all, then you need to end it. Rebounds are pretty easy to spot.
My ex showed no signs of me being a rebound until he left almost 2 years later for his ex. But I'm for darn sure looking when I meet someone now!
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Old 19th September 2011, 1:44 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by Ginger Beer View Post
I'm trying to understand this post as this has happened to me before.

Why would you get so involved with a nice guy if you still have feelings for your ex? Isn't that selfish?
Some questions will never be answered, I use to spend my time looking for them, in the end, with time, everything made sense.
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Old 19th September 2011, 6:42 PM   #13
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Mike588 - I dated the nice guy for about 2 months. I did love him - I just wasn't in love with him. cliché - but honestly true. He is an amazing person - and we actually remain friends to this day. Yeah - that's how amazing he is.

I know what you're going through must be awful - but love really is blind. This girl is consumed with feelings for her ex - she can't think logically, she can't reason - she can't make the right decision. But I think she will learn - eventually - on her own, that she's probably better off out of that relationship.

Your relationship never stood a chance, because she wasn't fully healed. This is no reflection on you.


Ginger Beer - I dated this nice guy for 2 months. I honestly believed I was healed and ready to commit to a relationship. After 2 months - I met with my ex. It was only then that I realised the extent of my feelings for him. That was when I stopped dating the nice guy.

It was never my intention to hurt anyone - I genuinely wanted to pursue a relationship with the nice guy. But as time went on - I came to acknowledge that I wasn't over my ex - seeing him in person confirmed that I still loved him. That's when I knew I had to end it.

The crazy thing is - I've actually known the nice guy for years. We dated a while back - when he'd just got out of a serious relationship - but he broke it off with me because HE wasn't over HIS ex.

Karma! Haha! Of course I didn't break it off with him as 'pay back' or anything! It's just ironic!


x
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Old 19th September 2011, 7:37 PM   #14
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Mike588 - I dated the nice guy for about 2 months. I did love him - I just wasn't in love with him. cliché - but honestly true. He is an amazing person - and we actually remain friends to this day. Yeah - that's how amazing he is.

I know what you're going through must be awful - but love really is blind. This girl is consumed with feelings for her ex - she can't think logically, she can't reason - she can't make the right decision. But I think she will learn - eventually - on her own, that she's probably better off out of that relationship.

Your relationship never stood a chance, because she wasn't fully healed. This is no reflection on you.


Ginger Beer - I dated this nice guy for 2 months. I honestly believed I was healed and ready to commit to a relationship. After 2 months - I met with my ex. It was only then that I realised the extent of my feelings for him. That was when I stopped dating the nice guy.

It was never my intention to hurt anyone - I genuinely wanted to pursue a relationship with the nice guy. But as time went on - I came to acknowledge that I wasn't over my ex - seeing him in person confirmed that I still loved him. That's when I knew I had to end it.

The crazy thing is - I've actually known the nice guy for years. We dated a while back - when he'd just got out of a serious relationship - but he broke it off with me because HE wasn't over HIS ex.

Karma! Haha! Of course I didn't break it off with him as 'pay back' or anything! It's just ironic!


x
It's funny you said you had no intention of hurting anyone. My now ex told me the the same thing and she though that she could easily go from loving him to loving me.
Yes she's confused. Too late now.
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Old 19th September 2011, 7:48 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by SugarLily View Post

I dated this nice guy for 2 months. I honestly believed I was healed and ready to commit to a relationship. After 2 months - I met with my ex. It was only then that I realised the extent of my feelings for him. That was when I stopped dating the nice guy.

It was never my intention to hurt anyone - I genuinely wanted to pursue a relationship with the nice guy. But as time went on - I came to acknowledge that I wasn't over my ex - seeing him in person confirmed that I still loved him. That's when I knew I had to end it.

x
This is where I am right now. I want so very badly to be over my ex, but I am not. I went on a few dates with someone (no spark) and am not going to go out with him again or anyone else until more time passes. I'm not sure how I will know when I am "ready".

I feel that occupying my time with activities (including meeting new men) is positive and will help me move on, but I don't want to hurt anyone either. At some point, I will feel stronger and as though I have moved on, I will get back out there and date. I will hopefully meet someone wonderful. But, what if the ex comes back and I feel then that I am not over him? I sincerely hope this never happens. I can't predict what I would do, though I'd like to think that I wouldn't even communicate with him. What a horrible situation to be in.

We can each only strive to do the best I can, which for me is to not date anyone for a long while
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Last edited by ScienceGal; 19th September 2011 at 7:52 PM..
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