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broke up to repair ourselves


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Hey,

I just broke up with my girlfriend of almost a year about a week ago. We were having serious problems, but the last thing i wanted to do was hurt her. I still love her and want her back, but I know if we get back together, we'll only continue to hurt eachother.

 

I am 19, and recently lost my apartment, ever since I started going out with her, I have been really lazy and not paying attention to the important things. when i lost my job in may, everything went downhill, and in september i lost my apartment, and have been struggling eye deep since then. I need time to get my life in order, to get things straight. I have a job, but i need to devote as much time as possible to fixing these problems, and when I am with her, all i seem to do is make excuses for myself not to work.

 

As far as she goes, strating about 2 months after we got together, she has been super attached, and clingy if you will. and now it's to the point that she wants to spend every waking moment with me and if she can't she starts to be a real bitch to her family and friends, and gets all depressed... this is obviously bad. I think she needs to build her self asteem a little, as well as her relationships with her friends and family. she needs to be able to live her life without needing anyone. right now, she needs me. and that is bad.

 

The prob;em here is that we both still want to be together, and neither of us can figure out what to do... she is not understanding the reason for the break-up fully, and still wants me to go over every day and comfort her. not gonna happen! how do i tell her thatg she needs to just let go? she is very fragile, and i don't want to see her cry again. i suppose i can deal with it, but i want her just to let go, so that it may be easier for both of us to fix our problems, and maybe someday get back together and strat fresh.

 

~Rick

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"how do i tell her thatg she needs to just let go?"

 

You might think you are sparing her feelings by being gentle... BUT TAKE MY WORD FOR IT, start being totally honest, regardless of her feelings. She'll thank you later! Ok, sure for now she'll cry and be sad and angry, but that will propel her onto where she needs to go. Some of us are not "Leavers", we don't really want to go.

 

Stop being so nice and quit pussy-footing around. Be direct and assertive. Tell her.

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Well, thank you for your responses, and I guess I am in a way leading her on to something that isn't there... My problem is, I am not entirely sure what it is that i want. I am not sure If i still want to be with her or if I want to be alone to fix my problems and figure out the rest later...

 

i guess I need to just tell her that, and take the heat

 

~Rick

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CanadianBornCutie

You sound exactly like my situation. You sound exactly like him, he didn't want to hurt me and make me cry, but he finally told me his feelings, he needed to figure out his life, take control of it and he said hopefully later on we'll be together again, but right now if we were, we'd only fool ourselves and make promises we couldn't keep.

 

yes i was clingy for the first bit, and totally confused, he still wants to be with me, but just not in a serious relationship, just now i'm adjusting and coming to grips with it.

 

What we're doing might not be best for you, but we arent' caught up in our routine anymore, when i'm not busy and hes not busy we'll see each other, and we'll be together, BUT you have to be honest with her, and say we might not be together later on but we later on we might be Take this time to let her figure things out, and you should too, but don't keep her from doing other things, date other people, see the world, but keep in each others lives, one day when your all done figuring out what you want and where you want to go, then hopefully you two will be in the same place.

 

But yes yes yes, tell her be honest, it's better that way though it'll hurt her then, it'll hurt her for a longer period of time if you just try to spare her feelings.

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Well, I am gonna go ahead and be straightforward with her. I guess there's really no way to do it without seeming like an ass, but I'm not going to worry about it. I love her, and she does deserve to know... Thank you guys, I'll let you know what happens

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