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About three weeks ago my girlfriend of 3 years left me. She said she had fallen out of love with me, felt our relationship was of a friendship nature rather than as lovers. She said she has been feeling this way for a couple months. Why she never approached me about her issue is beyond me. Why she doesn't even want to try to figure out where we went astray is also beyond me.

 

 

 

The manner of which she went about leaving me was also so unconceivable. She came home from work told me she didn't think we were working any longer and needed some time and space to think. She packed a bag and left. A few days later I received an email breaking us off. She said she needed time to be by herself, figure out who she was and what she wanted. Spend some time solo, out of a relationship. She has been in one long tern relationship after another since high school. Crushing! I've never felt such a hurt in my entire life. She totally ripped my heart out of my chest, spiked it on the floor and gave it a good kick! I can't eat or sleep. I keep going over and over in my mind what could have possibly happened, how did we get to this point. Why after 3 wonderful years would someone treat me this way? I couldn't get her to speak to me, I tried via text, calling her and email. I need some understanding. Why is she being so selfish?

 

 

It gets worse, turns out there is someone else. While mourning the lose of my love, my best friend I was looking through pictures on Facebook when I come across a photo of my ex-girlfriend, my ex and her new love interest had a few entries regarding the photo and making plans for the future. Ouch! Seriously the body isn't even cold yet! The postings were made the day after she sent me the email.

 

 

 

Anyway, I finally got her to meet me. We had a long conversation, bottom line, she is confident she no longer loves me, there is no point trying to work through it. She has met someone else and feels she is really really happy. Since then she has been keeping herself very very busy... has she really given this good thought? Is she blinded by the excitement of a new relationship? Does she know what she has done?

 

 

 

So she crushed me and I can't bring myself to hate her. She is my best friend, we shared a deep connection, no one knows me better. I still love her and would take her back in a heart beat. We are going to try to remain friends. Am I setting myself up for more hurt? I just can't envision life without her in it. When she walks into the room my heart still skips a beat...

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filmbuffy - I usually just read these forums, but my heart went out to you in your post. I went through a similar situation only mine was compounded by being in a 12 year relationship and finding out via email that the man I loved was in a whole other relationship for the past year. Not just a fling, a full on relationship. I am sure it is hard for you to listen to people say "move on" or "I never liked her" or what not. You truly loved/love her and that is not a water faucet that turns off and on. She sounds like she does not know what she wants really and she was most likely that way before she met you and will be in the future. It sounds like she is in a rebound and you know how those things go. My words cannot take away the suffering, but the best you can do for yourself is live. Go on living your life. You were a good guy before you met her, right? You are still the good guy now. You will be a good guy in the future. You obviously have a kind heart and the fact that you are writing about it shows your big capacity for love. The fact that you can't hate her shows your maturity and kindness for others. Keep busy, talk to friends (the good kind that are helpful, not the people that just blather on about how they know everything - nobody does). Good luck - danceallday

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Go here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251986/

take everything you read here with a grain of salt. What has happened with your relationship is not terribly uncommon, I'm sorry to say. Willfully avoid contact with her and focus on dealing with the pain this is causing you. I'm sorry there isn't much else to say.

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About three weeks ago my girlfriend of 3 years left me. She said she had fallen out of love with me, felt our relationship was of a friendship nature rather than as lovers. She said she has been feeling this way for a couple months. Why she never approached me about her issue is beyond me. Why she doesn't even want to try to figure out where we went astray is also beyond me.

 

 

 

The manner of which she went about leaving me was also so unconceivable. She came home from work told me she didn't think we were working any longer and needed some time and space to think. She packed a bag and left. A few days later I received an email breaking us off. She said she needed time to be by herself, figure out who she was and what she wanted. Spend some time solo, out of a relationship. She has been in one long tern relationship after another since high school. Crushing! I've never felt such a hurt in my entire life. She totally ripped my heart out of my chest, spiked it on the floor and gave it a good kick! I can't eat or sleep. I keep going over and over in my mind what could have possibly happened, how did we get to this point. Why after 3 wonderful years would someone treat me this way? I couldn't get her to speak to me, I tried via text, calling her and email. I need some understanding. Why is she being so selfish?

 

 

It gets worse, turns out there is someone else. While mourning the lose of my love, my best friend I was looking through pictures on Facebook when I come across a photo of my ex-girlfriend, my ex and her new love interest had a few entries regarding the photo and making plans for the future. Ouch! Seriously the body isn't even cold yet! The postings were made the day after she sent me the email.

 

 

 

Anyway, I finally got her to meet me. We had a long conversation, bottom line, she is confident she no longer loves me, there is no point trying to work through it. She has met someone else and feels she is really really happy. Since then she has been keeping herself very very busy... has she really given this good thought? Is she blinded by the excitement of a new relationship? Does she know what she has done?

 

 

 

So she crushed me and I can't bring myself to hate her. She is my best friend, we shared a deep connection, no one knows me better. I still love her and would take her back in a heart beat. We are going to try to remain friends. Am I setting myself up for more hurt? I just can't envision life without her in it. When she walks into the room my heart still skips a beat...

 

Same thing happened to me, man. It's going to take time. There is no use trying to understand it. You just never know what goes on in their head. Complete and utter insanity as far as I'm concerned. Totally different people. Better off without them, mate. Better off.

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LelouchIsZero

Same thing happened to me, basically.

 

I think beginning NC might be the best thing for you at this moment in time.

I know how much it sucks losing someone like that, but you need to let her go.

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I know it seems almost impossible to accept that she is gone. The pain you feel is insurmountable. Devastation does not even begin to describe it...

 

The best thing for you to do would be to go no contact. The healing time will be excessively prolonged if you continue to have her in your life. You need to sever all ties. For some this is impossible because of mutual friends or living conditions but if you can, you must.

 

The rollar coaster of emotions that await you is going to be difficult to deal with. Just remember at the end of it you will be a better person then you were before if you deal with your emotions in a healthy manner. Do not jump into a new relationship to run away from the pain you are feeling. It will come back later and it is not fair to the other person.

 

I know its cliche but it will get better with time... :)

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You'd take her back in a heartbeat? Are you nuts???

 

She treat you like ****...discarded you, has probably lied to you re.another guy lined up, which in turn may mean she has cheated on you, is a serial jumper...from 1 relationship to another and you want her back???

 

You dodged a bullet, she'll do the same again and again until hopefully karma bites her fat ass...you are better oiff without someone who will crush your confidence and self esteem...surely you must realize this???

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Yeh, similar situation with me only my ex dragged out the break up to such an excruciating extent that I think I only hit rock bottom last night...and I thought I was on my way up!

 

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do. Trust me, I know. I tried to 'win' my ex back and 'fight' for the relationship but my efforts were futile and more than a little bit naive. I've only just begun to regain my dignity.

 

Implement 'No Contact' and it'll save you a lot of further heart break in the long run.

 

Despite my post break up errors, I have found focusing on myself and self improvement to be very useful. There's lots of advice out there about how to go about looking after yourself and you should.

 

I say this to you only because I have to apply it to myself and I know how hard it is, but you will find someone more suitable and your ex isn't worth chasing.

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california15

hey! yep same boat. "Shes the one" - he Moved out of our apt in with her only knowing her 2 weeks. Ohhh what are they thinking, the ones that "loved" us so much?

 

We are soo much better off without them - people who can't stand to be alone and need to be in a relationship for validation and happiness.

 

In order to help heal, NC is the way to go. you can't be friends with someone if you still love them romantically. Its an unbalanced relationship that ultimately leaves one person feeling depressed, pushed away and the other feeling smothered and weirded out. no one wants that in a friendship! (haha, trust me I know). Additionally, in a 'friend' situation I just described, sometimes the dumpee who still wants to be friends reads into words and actions by the dumper, misinterpreting things. Then the dumper has to second guess everything they say, or they get a sick pleasure knowing the dumpee is still holding on to false hope and start with mind games. Either way its unhealthy and you deserve more.

 

With my ex before the one who brought me here, we had to go 4 years without talking before we could be true friends, no feelings no regrets no longing no missing each other. I think he's engaged and I couldn't be happier for him!

 

Take time to heal, to move on. If you still want to be friends with her one day down the road after you're 100% over the relationship, then pursue that option then. But not now. Definitely not now. Not when the wounds are still fresh. Its not fair to you. Don't settle for an unhealthy friendship just because you're hurting and can't fathom her in your life anymore. You're setting yourself up for more hurt. And no one here wants to see you do that. Read some of the posts here about people struggling to be friends with the ex and maybe those will help you see the hurt others are dealing with and will be motivation to avoid that.

Edited by california15
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I'm really sorry to hear about this, as I went through a very, very similar situation myself, 3 1/2 relationship and now 4 weeks removed. I found that people explaining to me their situations and what they've been doing really helped me and i hope this helps you.

 

I tried hard to persuade her, I wrote a letter with a rose, put rose pedals out with candles with a picture of us together yada yada. it seemed to bring doubt in her mind, but she wouldn't stop talking to this new guy she likes, so obviously she didnt care much to work on us. after 4 days or so, and coming onto this forum I decided to try and move forward. which is what you have to do now. it's very difficult, I cried, went into a very depressed state for about a week, I can barely reach 5 hours of consistent sleep a night, it sucks. you'll dream of her, you'll wake, the first thing that comes to mind is her, it's rough. But you probably know all about that at this point.

 

HOWEVER, I've been keeping myself busy, trying new things, and I mean actually getting outside and doing new things, and this is what you should try. you'll still think of her, but it will keep you distracted for the most part. reconnecting with old friends is also good. Now, 3 weeks later I'm doing much better. I've kept to NC and it really does help. Being her "friend" is going to torture you, not so much if there was no one else, but with another person in the picture the best thing is to cut off contact. i dont feel you need to be mean to her and just ignore everything she attempts to say to you, but do not seek contact with her at all. desperate pleas to her, texts, calls, it all is a waste of time. focus on you now, easier said than done, but you must will yourself in this direction and take it day by day. you'll slip, but you must just keep moving forward. Time will heal this wound, it takes some longer than others, you must understand that as well.

 

In time you will meet someone better, we both will. and when that person comes along, all of this crap we're going through will be worth it. Until then keep your head up, get out there and have new experiences with old friends and make new ones. If you do that for yourself, I promise it will truly help get you through this. Take care.

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We are soo much better off without them - people who can't stand to be alone and need to be in a relationship for validation and happiness.

 

Felt like I should return the compliment since you liked one of my lines...

 

But seriously, this line resonates with me and makes me feel a bit happier. The rest of your post was excellent too california15.

 

One of the things making it slightly (I mean, slightly) more manageable to let my ex go is that, after seeing her run into the arms of her new guy, after she'd already told me "Antinko, I need time to search for myself, to know who I am. I've always been in relationships..." it makes me want to both laugh and throw up at the same time. What is it with this type of dumper and cliches? Seriously. Oh, and the lying too at the expense of your feelings even though, apparently, they're trying to protect them?

 

Phht. To be honest, if you had a serious relationship and your ex ran off quickly into the arms of someone else, they're not learning anything. I think it really is their problem and we're all better off without them. I mean, seriously, my ex, for example, I believe she feels the grass will constantly be greener, that she can always find a better deal for her, yet she remains the same. She even repeatedly said it herself: "Oh, nothing lasts forever" and "People don't change - they are who they are." Defeatist. Crap. If you are willing to grow as an individual but have been dumped by one of these folks, honestly, you're the better person and you'll get more out of life.

 

/stepsoffsoapbox

Edited by antinko
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She has met someone else and feels she is really really happy. Since then she has been keeping herself very very busy... has she really given this good thought? Is she blinded by the excitement of a new relationship? Does she know what she has done?

 

Yeah, she knows what she has done. She knows she fell out of kove with you and got with a guy that makes her really really happy. What is there for her to think about? No one forced her away from you to this guy. It was her choice.

 

We are going to try to remain friends. Am I setting myself up for more hurt? I just can't envision life without her in it. When she walks into the room my heart still skips a beat...

 

This is exactly why you can't be friends with her. The sooner you realize this the faster you will heal. Don't prolong your healing by trying to be friends. Each time you try to be friends and it hurts, it will be harder to walk away. Get out now while you can.

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