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first broken heart. yep. it hurts..


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Hi everyone, im new here, but ive been reading a lot of posts on here as self therapy over the past week.

 

I though i knew what love was for a good chunk of my life, i was 19 when my wife and I started dating, she was my first girlfriend and we we together for 7 years before we got married. i guess over the next 8 years of married life the love that i thought was there in the start, the cracks started to appear. for the last 5 years we lived separately but under the one roof until late last year i moved out. The pure reason was the love had gone, no affection, not even a hand on the knee or a small kiss hello and goodbye anymore. I tried. and asked for her to try. but it was gone. looking back now im not sure it was fully there from the start. we still speak now, because there is 2 boys from our relationship, we live in the same town so its all pretty amicable.

 

i didnt hurt from the breakdown of our marriage, i guess because it slowly died over a number of years it was easy in the end. THere were no tears (in front of each other) and that was it..

 

The relationship that followed was the one that Hurt BIG TIME and is still crushing me..

 

Im was 37 when i met the girl of my dreams. she was 25 and it hit me like a ton of bricks when i first started talking to her, we had so much in common and could talk for hours on end, pretty soon it was full on love and it felt different to anything id ever felt before. The age difference didnt matter to either of us. i guess thats why ive fallen so hard.

 

We made the mistake of moving in together, but had a lot of fun and talked about the future a lot and spent the next 9 months almost inseparable.

 

We were in love, and everyone could see it. it was awesome, the best i had ever felt in my entire life. she was passionate and affectionate and intelligent and strong..

until one day, we really got down to talking about future plans, and i could see the tears in her eyes.

She had always been a bit of a free spirit, thats one of the things that attracted me to her, she said she wanted to travel for an indefinate period of time and move to the city and study. initially i was shocked but i could see how we could make it work, long distance relationships work right?, i could be a good dad from the other side of the country right?, pretty soon the reality hit and i was in a bad way. i couldnt leave my boys they are only 8 and 9 (the oldest one autistic). i had work committments and people and friends here in my home town.

 

I saw it coming but, i thought i could deal with it when it came. Nup. Lesson learnt.

 

We did the back and forth thing for a few weeks, tugging at each others heart strings, there was frustration at the situation but not with each other. We talked about still being friends and tried for a week, but i couldnt see how that would work when we still loved each other. it sucks. i have never felt this much pain before.

 

I said goodbye yesterday, we hugged and said we loved each other and there was a lot of crying. i said i couldnt just be friends. it seemed harsh but my heart couldnt take it anymore. and then we walked away.

 

all i can feel now is this emptyness and deep sadness. i dont know if it will get better. i have visions of her future life without me in it, i care for her, i want her to be safe, but i cant do it from a distance. The worst thing is that i have this hope in my heart that one day she'll come back or i could go to her...but i know it is wrong to hold on to that hope because it will ruin any chances of moving on.

 

Its my first broken heart at 37. i hope i dont have to go through anymore.

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I don't know what to say mate. For me what helps is reading tons of breakup books, self esteem books and talking to friends. This takes the pain away for a little while, which isn't much but is still better than not having any relief! Take care

 

ps, if you get a chance could u take a look at my question? Thanks

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I am sorry to hear of what your going through. I too split from a long term relationship & its didnt hurt as much as the newest one as like u said, it just faded away & I was more relieved than sad that that relationship ended.

 

But a few days ago my new guy said he needed some space, I've posted on here about it.

 

Its a heartbreaker, because we were so in love, we were perfect for each other & he always used to say he cant believe hes met someone who ticks every single box. Yet he needs space, hes struggling to be in a relationship which I think is mainly down to him feeling overwhelming guilt over not being around his kids 24/7. Hes spoken to me in the past about how he feels he's let the kids down.

 

It makes it 10 times worse I think, when no ones played away from home or been 'the bad guy'. When its just circumstances that mean it has to end, its soul destroying.

 

I too hope that he will learn to deal with the fact his children arent living with him but I hope he realises one day that his life must go on & his children will never suffer as a result of him n their mum being apart. I hope that when that day comes he will find me, although he has said that he wants to keep in contact with me.

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babyygirllhi

Im going through almost the exact same thing. It hurts more than anything and I can't let it go. I get you. I thought I would have to be taken to the hospital or something. I couldn't eat, sleep, it was just pure pain. My eyes were swullen from the tears that wouldn't stop coming down. Finally, im alive again however it is still painful and I cry atleast once a day. The best advice I can give to you, because this is what I am doing and it is helping, is concentrate on YOU. Make yourself better as a person, find things that you enjoy and make you happy. IF it is meant to be between the two of you, then you will have moved forward and become an even better person for her. If it isnt meant to be, then you will have made yourself grow as a person. I'm a girl, but what I have done is fixed my hair, bought new clothes and a new calendar. To start new. And I booked a trip to get away and see new things. Stay strong. I wish you the best.

 

I keep telling this to myself... if it's meant to be, it will be! But nature will take its course. If she loved you enough, she will come back to you, and vise versa. Only time will tell. But take care of yourself.

 

Any advice for my post, by the way? Would be great!

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3537860#post3537860

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